The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

No imagination

By why? - 17/08/2020 14:02

Today, I found out from my first cousin whose teenage daughter is pregnant that she has chosen to name her child after mine. I would be okay with this, if it weren’t the same first name, and if they weren’t just a couple of years apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 237

Living the dream

By notyourcleaner - 13/01/2015 11:06 - Malaysia - Puchong

Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 180

You deserved it 2 701

Keeping up appearances

By clarakipper - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 847

You deserved it 2 793

By thunderthighs644 - 23/11/2011 03:21

Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 365

You deserved it 11 886

By nerd_man01 - 10/07/2009 19:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, my younger brother, who is 15, had to show me the quickest way to take off a woman's bra. I'm 12 years older than he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 480

You deserved it 13 803

Survivor

By whyyy - 21/11/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 940

You deserved it 2 686

By kb - 10/01/2015 14:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I accidentally sent my teacher a picture of me in my boyfriend's boxers instead of my essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 712

You deserved it 22 338

By soannoyed - 22/09/2013 21:21 - United States

Today, my brother decided it would be funny for almost every sentence out of his mouth to start with the word "hashtag". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 745

You deserved it 4 411

Hogwatch

By PlanB - 27/06/2024 12:00 - United States - Miami

Spicy

Today, my mom disowned me and kicked me out of the house, all because I used Plan B to terminate a potential pregnancy after I had unprotected sex. She actually packed a suitcase and duffle-bag for me, told me to hit the road, and to never come back. She told me she’d call the police for trespassing if I didn’t comply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 257

Late night

By feltuponthe69 - 08/07/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, I fell asleep on the bus and when I woke up, I found out that I missed my stop by ten stops and I was on the last bus of the night. And, to make matters worse, a drunk hobo was sitting next to me with a beer in one hand and was rubbing my leg with the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 726

You deserved it 10 484

By bubblebuttfuckfart - 13/10/2012 17:32 - Ireland

Today, my aunt brought me a birthday present. I quickly figured out that she'd simply returned the jacket I let her borrow two years ago for my brother's graduation party. It reeks of cigarette smoke and alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 578

You deserved it 1 778

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 408

You deserved it 37 741

By charlieweaver21 - 21/01/2010 22:02 - France

Today, I agreed to meet my ex-girlfriend at our favorite restaurant with my hopes high. She just wanted me to meet her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 117

You deserved it 6 165

Catfished

By Travis - 12/02/2023 06:00 - Poland - Polska

Today, I found out after 6 months in basic training that my wife of 3 years was playing the long game to scam me. She took me for 25k while I was away, then left me for a homeless meth head. I've been "getting divorced" now longer than we had been happily married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 169

Exchanged

By jadkins - 06/07/2009 19:33 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia who is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of two years called and proposed to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 975

You deserved it 22 255

By scaredofcutouts - 10/10/2012 21:44 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 037

You deserved it 2 328

By John - 13/01/2011 21:12 - United States

Today, I cleaned my entire apartment hoping to find the source of the terrible odor I've been smelling for the past week. It's me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 131

You deserved it 39 796

By colorblind - 05/07/2009 21:49 - United States

Today, I found one of those online color blindness tests where you have to distinguish a colored number from the pattern. Not being able to, I spent hundreds of dollars on medical tests to discover that the pattern online was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 460

You deserved it 71 383

By will3000 - 12/01/2011 13:28

Today, I was on my way to work behind a very slow car. At a red light, the lady came over and punched me in the face for following her too closely. We are coworkers and our desks are next to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 597

You deserved it 4 249

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 18:25 - United States

Today, it's been a full week since my last orthodontist appointment and I still can't eat anything besides Slimfast and pudding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 492

You deserved it 3 271

By Damnsoup - 03/07/2009 00:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 304

You deserved it 6 999

Never enough

By Notgoodenough - 27/11/2021 07:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out my ex-husband quit smoking and went back to school for his new girlfriend. I’d been behind his ass getting him to stop his bad habits for the entire year and a half of our marriage, and he didn’t wanna do it. Nice to know he wanted to be a better man… for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 375

You deserved it 430

Real Housewives coded

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 00:00 - India

Today, just because my mum's friend's son got better grades than me, she's now treating me like shit. You know what lady? His mom is way better than you too! She didn't attempt to kill her child half a dozen times, and you don't see me complaining about it all day long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 118

Uggo

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 21:54 - United Kingdom - Southend

Today, my little sister came up to me and said, "Aww, don't be sad. Even ugly people can get boyfriends." She then smiled, patted my back, and walked off. I wasn't actually sad before, but I am now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 326

You deserved it 3 111

By lollerskate - 16/01/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, my smoke alarm went off. In a frenzy, I called 9-1-1 and exited my house. Several minutes later a fire truck showed up. After investigating, one of the firemen informed me I needed to change the batteries in my smoke alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 275

You deserved it 37 885

By Anonymous - 03/10/2012 04:39 - United States - Portland

Today, I was involved in a 5-way conversation about the movie Inception. I nodded and agreed with things that were said, but couldn't admit that despite having seen it 4 times, I still haven't the foggiest idea of how to explain what it's about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 622

You deserved it 21 662

By both are dimwitted - 23/12/2014 18:32 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 553

You deserved it 4 668

Doggy dog world

By corgi problems - 15/09/2020 20:05

Today, I walked into my house after my nightshift as a nurse and my corgi had the house turned upside down, with things everywhere. I have people coming to look at the house in 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 304

Escape game

By Anonymous - 05/12/2021 11:01

Today, my date escaped through a second-storey bathroom window before our drinks even arrived. She later texted me that it wasn’t my fault, I just reminded her too much of her father, even though I’m two years younger than her and look nothing like the photos I've seen of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 136

By BabyG2222 - 29/09/2012 09:14 - United States - Sturgeon Bay

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 169

You deserved it 5 196

BabyG2222 tells us more.

BabyG2222 3

Wednesday 21 November 2012 10:15

OP here, Okay just want to clarify some stuff first. The term "spank the ferret" is a "nice" way of putting he was jerking off. I originally wrote "jerked off" but I guess fmylife didn't like that wording and changed it to a friendly term. So, no there wasn't an actually ferret (no animal was hurt in the making of fmylife). Okay with that done now for the background story. My boyfriend at the time loved sex (like every normal guy) and liked to do the "traditional **** ending, where the guy cums on the girls face" He liked to call it Spiderman. (I'm aware doing the Spiderman is not done that way however he didn't want to splat in his hand and throw it at me, it was a modified Spiderman). Anyways, he got this "bright" idea to wake me up this way (thinking I was find it funny and sexy at the same time, which I didn't.) And for all of you who said I should have helped him out, I was sleeping, he woke me up just before and when I turned around SPLAT he shot me in the face while singing the theme song. We broke up a month later because of an unrelated issue but needless to say I was pretty mad at him but forgave him like after a day.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Parents I need your advice Love Instagram Ghosting Social Media Weddings Kids Weird Crush Sexism Babysitter Gross Swimming pool Bodyshaming Students Teenagers Anxiety Mental health School Education Embarrassing Awkward Cleaning Family Football Sports Cheating

The Top

Today, I was at the airport, on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was four years-old. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to fuck off. The strange man was my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 223

You deserved it 4 216

Today, my mom had my girlfriend and me over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130 283

You deserved it 300 419

Random

Today, while at work, I had to spend an hour and a half on the phone, listening to an old lady relive her entire day in excruciating detail. We're not allowed to hang up on customers, and she was extremely quick to dismiss all my attempts to steer the call back on topic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 027

You deserved it 3 719

Today, while outside, a bug flew up my nose. After I told my family and friends about a faint vibrating in my upper nostril, they all convinced me I was paranoid. That was until that night when I blew my nose and there was the bug in my tissue. Its leg was still twitching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 192

You deserved it 2 521

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 840

You deserved it 59 866

Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 678

You deserved it 63 240

Today, I tried to fight my girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend because she told me he used to beat her. Turns out, she was lying to “impress” me, and her ex has a black belt in taekwondo. I’m in excruciating pain right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 098

You deserved it 4 829

Today, I spent some time talking to a girl I'm interested in. All signs point to a "no" if I asked her out, but the repeated shifts between chatting like we're the only people on Earth, to feeling like she doesn't know I exist when I randomly experience radio silence, is an emotional rollercoaster I'd like to end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324

You deserved it 176