The Top

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Pixels

By back to creepers - 21/12/2013 20:05 - United Kingdom - Worcester

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a sign he made in front of my Minecraft house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 576

You deserved it 6 518

By ChevRooon - 27/01/2012 04:46 - United States

Today, I went to the gas station, paid the clerk, and drove off without pumping any gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 173

You deserved it 39 053

By notamathematician - 07/03/2010 10:27 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 656

You deserved it 2 814

By C. Kronick - 11/02/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 942

You deserved it 5 465

By shaving kit - 31/12/2012 10:17

Today, my workplace was having a raffle and was giving away a Venus shaving kit. A co-worker won, but instead of keeping it, she walked over and handed the basket to me in front of everyone, said "You need it more" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 030

You deserved it 6 546

Bigmouth

By Anonymous - 26/01/2012 03:54 - United States

Today, my friend showed me a creepy piece of artwork he'd drawn. I laughed and said that it would give me nightmares, meaning it as a compliment. Turns out, this one was in honor of his dead grandmother, who'd raised him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 777

You deserved it 10 448

By nj - 10/02/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, in basketball practice my coach was putting is in teams to run drills. He points to me and says, "You, go babysit my son by the stage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 178

You deserved it 3 042

By Rob - 18/12/2013 17:47 - United States - Franklin

Today, while looking for some socks in my mom's dresser, I found a male g-string and an edible bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 420

You deserved it 17 023

Prostate implies an Antistate

By artsmart1 - 06/03/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 443

You deserved it 2 954

By thedd - 18/08/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, it's my 21st birthday. All my friends showed up at my house already drunk, so I had to be the designated driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 200

You deserved it 3 906

Customers from hell

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 06:01

Today, an older customer ran up to me and did a open-mouthed, panting growl in my face, with her face 2 inches from my mine. She then laughed and said, “I only do this to men” and then left the store without buying anything. My mask was down and she didn’t have one at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 285

Analyst

By Anonymous - 05/11/2022 16:00 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my wife insisted we try anal until we “got it right”. Well, she complained through the whole thing, wouldn’t let me quit, blamed me when I inevitably did orgasm and she didn’t, and then moaned about how it stings and needing a shower. I don’t even like anal, it’s not my thing at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 851

You deserved it 356

My ears!

By ANONYMOUS -_- - 15/12/2013 17:18 - United States - Providence

Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 012

You deserved it 3 578

By YankeeDoodle - 04/03/2010 05:30 - Australia

Today, I discovered my employer is advertising for a contractor position within my team performing basically the same role as myself. Except the pay is seven times more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 651

You deserved it 2 074

By klee - 08/02/2009 05:21 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling in bed. After looking at me for a while he said, "you look better when I'm not wearing my contacts". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 340

You deserved it 2 653

By Carrie - 03/03/2010 13:21 - United States

Today, I was on a date with a guy I met online. After 30 minutes, he abruptly stands up and says he has to leave. He practically ran out of Starbucks to get away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 248

You deserved it 6 971

By kansasgirl - 02/03/2010 18:21 - United States

Today, my two year old decided to run out the front door alone. I ran after him, tripped over the bottom of my jeans, fell onto the sidewalk and scraped up both my hands and knees. My neighbors just watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 786

You deserved it 4 394

By seriously? - 22/12/2012 22:19 - United States - Spring

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 561

You deserved it 7 577

By terrified - 18/01/2012 19:02 - United States

Today, out of habit, I said "See you later" to a creepy old male customer who stared at my chest the whole time I was serving him. His response was to wink and say, "Oh, you will." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 863

You deserved it 5 210

By GetOutOfMyHouseLoser - 08/12/2013 23:44 - United States

Today, my unemployed scumbag boyfriend sold a painting I had just bought so he could buy phoney drugs that he told me he had quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 838

You deserved it 17 300

Average SunnO))) fan

By theholt - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I saw a man on the bus with the strangest band shirt I have ever seen. I couldn't help but stare at it and try and figure out what the band was… until he turned to me and said, "Why not take a picture, asshole?" then got off the bus. As he walked away, I saw that he was missing an arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 908

You deserved it 6 377

By Noname - 04/02/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I discovered my mom has over 20 sites bookmarked on her laptop, all having to do with 'How To Boost Your Insecure Teen's Confidence' or 'How To Help Your Overweight Teen Have A Positive Self Image'. Thanks, Mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 687

You deserved it 7 301

Open-minded

By plaid_is_cool - 05/05/2020 05:00

Today, my mom called me and asked me to fix her computer, three days after saying she never wanted to see me again for dating a boy. I got lectured to on how I'm ruining my life the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 247

Not anyone's favorite

By Anonymous - 13/11/2022 10:00

Today, everyone at school told me to wish my brother a happy birthday. We're twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 106

By Renesmeekuhnell - 28/02/2010 16:00 - Denmark

Today, I had to walk through the blistering snow, because my boss needed something really important: cream cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 228

You deserved it 2 982

Control

By Lady Eve - 23/03/2024 20:00 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I got laid off from my job for the second time. Now I'm broke, rent is badly due, and I'm really considering going back to being a dominatrix just until I can find something else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 132

By sh33zy - 03/02/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, the only girl I'm friends with deleted my comment off of her profile because she was too embarrassed that people would see we were friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 430

You deserved it 3 516

Tinfoil hat wearers are everywhere

By Anonymous - 09/05/2020 20:00

Today, I overheard my mom on the phone ranting about how China "engineered and released" the coronavirus and the giant hornets in an attempt to take over the world. Only one more month of quarantine left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 275

Are you the wife from the previous FML?

By Anonymous - 24/08/2021 04:02

Today, I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry. I was already mad at my husband, but he asked if we could just skip the boring two-hour argument, assume he’d already given me an empty apology and quietly return to hating each other while at least being civil about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 380

By haggisbowl - 14/01/2012 06:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 154

You deserved it 9 477

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The Top

Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 762

You deserved it 4 171

Today, I got all dressed up, in high heels and a sparkly dress, to sit in the library for most of the night so that my roommate and his friends would believe that I have a social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 457

You deserved it 19 798

Today, while at the beach, as a joke, I told my girlfriend that I was a shark. She then poked my eyes and punched me in the nose. When I started to get mad, she just shrugged and asked, "What? You're the one that wanted to be a shark. Don't you watch Shark Week?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 927

You deserved it 31 309

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 512

You deserved it 9 634

Today, I had to explain to my dad why it is important for him to clear the browsing history after watching sexual explicit material on the family computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 214

You deserved it 4 079

Today, my 17-year-old son attempted to rob the bank I work at while I was off shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 440

You deserved it 593