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I'm the OP, but I made an account to comment. My dogs are trained, but the only thing I can assume is that they are in the middle of territory war or something cause it's only 1 dog doing it, and it started happening recently.

Merry Christmas!

By yek - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I'm spending Christmas Eve at the hospital. Why? Because when I blew my nose, a ball of flesh connected to a tendril of skin shot out, and it wouldn't go back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 413

You deserved it 1 682

RIP in peace

By Janice - 03/01/2019 12:00

Today, while working as a bank teller, a woman came in with a $100k check. I commented, "Wow, I really could do with one of these!" She responded, "It's a life insurance check. I'd rather have my son back," and teared up in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 004

You deserved it 3 977

By shithappens - 31/03/2019 14:00

Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 287

You deserved it 694

Awkward much?

By iskalion - 10/10/2015 05:39 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with, "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 471

You deserved it 5 467

Backhanded

By eliinu - 02/09/2016 02:45 - United States - Middlesboro

Today, my aunt said that it looked like I lost some weight. I was pleased with this, since I've been trying to lose some. My mom, for some reason, thought it was insulting. She pulled me to aside to assure me that I most definitely don't look any skinnier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 185

You deserved it 933

By "Alex Neiva" - 16/10/2017 19:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, during a romantic shower with my girlfriend, I slipped, fell, and took the both the shower curtain and rod with me. My dignity hurts more than my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 739

You deserved it 547

By crazyattracts - 31/07/2016 05:53 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my new girlfriend canceled my badly needed haircut appointment. She feels that having my female hairstylist wash and cut my hair involves "too much touching" and "counts as cheating." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 836

You deserved it 2 013

By Mj - 20/07/2016 00:28 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 777

You deserved it 4 289

By SadDaenerys - 13/07/2016 20:13

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I finished the Game of Thrones books before he could finish the TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 475

You deserved it 1 406

Get out there!

By Anonymous - 16/07/2018 19:00

Today, I told my unemployed boyfriend to pick a town anywhere in the country that he thinks he can find work in. I offered to find myself a job there, find a flat, and pay for rent, bills, and food while he looks. He said I was selfish for wanting him to hurry up. It's been three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 546

You deserved it 1 379

By Bawsack - 30/04/2016 09:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, some guy woke me up at 5.30am by yelling outside my window. I opened the window and told him to knock it off before going back to bed. It took a good 3 minutes of his laughter before I realised I was naked and he got a close-up view of my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 682

You deserved it 3 249

Bawsack tells us more.

Bawsack 18

Monday 2 May 2016 0:31

OP here. I never thought for a million years that this would get posted, but it did which is equally awesome and creepy at the same time. I just wanted to clarify a few things. Firstly, thank you for the puns. I love puns and these are the breast I've seen in a while. I'll show myself out. Secondly: I have no idea why it says Leeds. I have never been to Leeds in my life. I'm in Edinburgh, over 200 miles away in a whole other country. The guy in question turned out to be my neighbour -cringe - on his way back from the pub very drunk and most probably high. I haven't seen him since and most probably won't for a while if I can help it. The reason I was naked was because I'd come in from work the night before, showered and passed out in bed from exhaustion. I hadn't noticed I was naked was because it was FIVE THIRTY IN THE MORNING. I had obviously been in a deep sleep because that's what normal people do at 5.30am. Literally the only thing going through my head was that I wanted the idiot to shut the hell up and let me sleep. And no, it probably wasn't exactly 3 minutes but it was long enough for me to go to the toilet, back to my bedroom then try to remove my robe before I realised I wasn't wearing it. Also, he probably laughed so much because he was drunk, high and a crazy naked woman was hanging out her second floor window at 5.30 in the morning. Finally. yes, breasts. Because that's what they are.

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 22:00

Today, I found out that being the "bull" of a cuckold relationship is not as good as it looks to be. She is pregnant and now the couple, despite earning triple figures, is suing me for child support. I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 027

You deserved it 4 232