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By noo - 11/10/2009 10:54 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 220

You deserved it 2 427

Happy Birthday to the Ground

By FML Approved - 11/09/2017 22:31

So many FMLs happen on birthdays. They should probably be avoided altogether.

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 135

Dick move

By blargerpanda - 30/04/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, I heard my 7 year-old step-daughter tell her father over Zoom she cries every night, because she wants to go home with him. I don't have the heart to tell her that he had kicked her and her mom out of the house because he thought mom's stretch marks were unattractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 131

Out of shape

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 02:00

Today, I’m now so unfit, I had to stop halfway through sex with my wife to catch my breath, and in the end we just gave up, as clearly neither of us was having an orgasm today. I don’t get it, I weigh exactly 11 stone and exercise regularly, but I have no stamina and shit lungs. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 342

You deserved it 371

The second coming

By Anonymous - 19/10/2023 10:00

Today, my husband is trying to divorce me because I’m pregnant, even though I’ve been told all my adult life that I’m infertile. I’ve never even had a period. He’s blaming me for lying to him because he never wanted kids. He even tried to claim it must be another guy's baby. He’s an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 206

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 30/04/2021 23:02

Today, I told my girlfriend that one of my intellectually challenged friends now holds an engineering position at an aircraft company. She wasn't a fan of flying before, and now refuses to set foot anywhere near any aircraft of any kind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 270

Tempted?

By Anonymous - 23/10/2023 00:02

Today, I found out that my prude wife, who has given up on anything remotely sexually exciting, has been researching swinger clubs. I found out when she “accidentally” texted me a Vice article on the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 167

Baseless accusation

By 00sasori - 27/03/2013 05:41 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was on a bumpy bus ride and had to write a note, so I held my notebook against the bus window to steady my hand. An elderly woman then yelled at me, accusing me of drawing graffiti on the window. The bus driver kicked me off and I had to wait an hour in the rain for the next bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 278

You deserved it 3 015

By starley - 13/08/2010 09:11 - United States

Today, my husband of 3 years, who I have a 1 year old daughter with, told me he wants a divorce, but who knows, maybe in the future we can "date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 994

You deserved it 3 461

The cure for insomnia is sleep

By insomina - 06/07/2022 18:00

Today, it’s the fourth day in a row I’ve laid in bed for hours with my eyes shut, wide awake, then watched the sun rise. All my parents have to say is, “Insomnia isn’t real. Just go to bed earlier.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 114

The body keeps the score

By Anonymous - 20/04/2025 00:00 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, the girl I used to be in love with texted me again after 5 months. She wanted to say that she remembers my birthday, which is next month. I hate that my heart still speeds up at the mention of her name, and I know it won't ever stop. She was my first crush since I came out, and my first heartbreak. I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 145

By malos - 12/08/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, my band got booed off stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 397

You deserved it 47 592

Happy birthday to you

By Anonymous - 22/04/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, it's my 15th birthday. My dad stumbled into my bedroom at six in the morning, completely drunk, and slurred the "Happy Birthday" song. Then he told me to go fuck myself, and said that he wished I was never born. Me too, dad. Me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 65

By dcort - 08/04/2012 16:39 - United States - New York

Today, while I was getting out of the shower, I saw a spider climb into the ceiling vent. Wanting it to come out so I could kill it, I turned on the fan. It came out, along with a dozen of its friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 493

You deserved it 7 219

dcort tells us more.

dcort 4

Monday 9 April 2012 19:08

Yes, but it wasn't strong enough to suck the spiders in, so instead they all got scared and ran out....

Where's my coffee?

By dinkley7 - 20/05/2021 11:00

Today, so far, I’ve been called the c-word, a bitch, and a douche. All by the same person, all because I wouldn't make them coffee at one in the morning. We don’t serve coffee until 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 109

By Anonymous - 05/08/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of something hitting my bedroom wall outside. I could see my boyfriend's car from the window, so I assumed he was throwing pebbles to get my attention. I opened the window and an egg flew in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 579

You deserved it 4 556

Kinky

By whatever - 23/03/2009 06:46 - United States

Today, I was on a third date with a girl. Things had been going really well. At one point, the conversation lulled. After a moment of silence, she asked me what my greatest fantasy was. I told her that it was being a superhero. She told me that she meant sexual fantasy. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 780

You deserved it 67 908

Foreshadowing

By Confused - 31/07/2022 12:00

Today, my boyfriend of four years, who has never been anything but loving and supportive, told me after I made a joke that there has been “a change” in how he deals with people, that he has been “purging,” and that I could be next because he “has needs too.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 281

Bad dude

By Anonymous - 01/05/2025 22:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out that my ex (he's 35) tried soliciting sex from one of my friend's daughters (she's 22) and a few other friends as well. To make it all worse, I just found out this fuckboy has herpes, and contracted it while cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 138

By Gomer - 11/04/2014 14:51 - United States - New York

Today, I went to a veterans' reunion party with my grandpa. While there, a guy started yelling at me for having an unapproved haircut. It was my grandpa's old drill sergeant, and he thought I was in the army too. Everyone just smirked as he forced me to drop and do push-ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 484

You deserved it 5 876

By Anonymous - 05/04/2012 01:41 - United States - Lindale

Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got Superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "New pirate" in the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 821

You deserved it 20 743

Stone the crows

By Anonymous - 03/05/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum used her spare key to get into my flat and stole almost all my food. She claimed she did it for my health because I’m "getting a bit chubby." I weigh 12 stone while she weighs over 20, plus all my food was in her kitchen, except for the already empty packets in her bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 90

By Deadman - 02/04/2012 13:37 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 922

You deserved it 2 537

By ugh - 01/10/2009 15:49 - United States

Today, I realized that I can't shave my unibrow because I have too much acne on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 646

You deserved it 10 357

Scammed

By Beuhilda - 19/05/2021 20:01

Today, I sold a dresser on OfferUp. When I arrive at the customer’s house to deliver it and discussed the payment, she got upset and called me a selfish, greedy bitch because she’s a "single mom on food stamps." She berated me to the point of tears. I left without getting my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 688

Bricked up

By Anonymous - 30/07/2022 16:00 - Canada - Regina

Today, I’m staying with a friend who believes in, “If it’s yellow, let it mellow, only brown gets flushed down.” Well, her 3 or 4 mellow yellows with accompanying paper prior to my surprise brown caused the pipe to clog. Oh and the extractor fan doesn’t work either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 128

Coming and going

By Kristat - 01/04/2012 04:32 - United States

Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 821

You deserved it 3 398

Pay your respects

By whymyliferose - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss's cat died. I'm expected to attend the service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 534

You deserved it 4 601

Cool story, tell it again

By GGimabeast - 29/07/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday. My mom invited a bunch of my relatives over, and they started telling funny stories of when I was a kid. My mom decided that then was an appropriate time to talk about how she caught me looking at porn the other night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 496

You deserved it 12 436

By Username - 01/06/2011 08:09 - Singapore

Today, the elevator in my apartment building broke down. I live on the 30th floor and am still climbing the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 248

You deserved it 4 398

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The Top

Today, I found my cat dead on the road. I called my family and told them, and later buried the cat. Not long after I got done burying it, my cat walked up to me. I buried someone else's cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 309

You deserved it 11 195

Today, I went to the doctor to get a blood test and I started crying when I saw the needle. I planned on becoming a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 161

You deserved it 13 544

Today, I've had chairs thrown at me, kicks have hit me in the nuts and I've heard "I'm gonna fucking kill you, bitch" several times. I work at a kindergarten. And this is a good day compared to what I'm used to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 198

You deserved it 3 866

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 516

You deserved it 3 341

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 681

You deserved it 15 456

Today, I found out I have another leak in my house. I've had three inspections and they were all shit. At this point, that pipe is the only remaining original pipe in the entire house. Over 25k have officially gone into this BS. Note to all: go "new." FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 134