The Top

he kept the fare running for the fifteen minutes I was standing there bent over in pain from having my ribs near broken, it cost me more than it would have to go home, I then had to pay for the hospital bill, all because he ran a red light.

Happy Valentine's Day

By Yudansha - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, we wrote Valentine's Day poems in class. I wrote a very depressing poem about how I was rejected by all the girls I like and how it hurts to be alone. When it was read to the class, they laughed and told me it was hilarious. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 221

You deserved it 15 099

She's lost control again

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 20:01

Today, I had an unexpected sneezing fit and drove my car through 2 trees and a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 259

Take what you can get

By Trim for now - 22/01/2022 01:59

Today, after months of getting shockingly more action from my girlfriend then at any point in our last 6 months together, I found out I’m getting more because she cut back on her formerly unmentioned husband’s “access.” Apparently, he refuses to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 791

You deserved it 407

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, during a regular checkup at the dentist, I got a wisdom tooth pulled out which resulted in me looking like a fat hamster. Tomorrow is my first day as an English teacher in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 092

You deserved it 1 282

Today, I was in a public toilet. I looked down and realised someone in the stall next to me was peeing on my foot underneath the divider. They didn't even attempt to aim for the toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 744

You deserved it 1 000

Today, over the course of three hours, I was burned by our toaster oven, hit in the head by a fridge door, hit my toes on a chair, clipped my hip on a table edge, and had both the washer and dryer lids slam on the same hand. I'm not sure what hurts more, my body or the shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 274

You deserved it 4 339

Today, I saw a picture of a dude on a Harley on my friend's wall. I asked her if it was Dog the bounty hunter. It wasn't, it was her aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 587

You deserved it 5 013

Today, I noticed that my facial hair had grown by an acceptable amount. I spoke to my Dad and decided to show him, thinking he would approve of my manliness. His exact words when I showed him were, "Nah, son. You just look like a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 829

You deserved it 5 721

Today, I’m sitting in the ER pissed off at my teenage sons. They’re both violently ill from doing a shot contest to see who could drink the most. Alcohol poisoning? Nope. Caffeine overdose. They lost track of how many shots of espresso they were doing before they started puking and shaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258

You deserved it 169