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New urinal

By fml9124 - 21/12/2019 05:00

Today, my wife caught our six-year-old son peeing in the bathroom sink. He pulled his little stool up in front, that he uses to brush his teeth, and was peeing in the sink. When we asked why, he said that he wanted to pee like a man, "like we do at football games." My son is using our bathroom sink as an urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 840

You deserved it 333

By chiahuahualove - 05/02/2014 14:26 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I logged into my bank account and started crying. Not because of the balance, but because the password is my anniversary with my ex, and it's the only reminder I have of happy days in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 930

You deserved it 12 463

chiahuahualove tells us more.

chiahuahualove 10

Thursday 6 February 2014 14:06

Hey there OP here! Firstly thank you to the lovely people with kind messages ! Secondly here's the full story... that password is only needed to log into my bank on a computer, since I always use my phone that wasn't needed for months and completely forgot about it ... Until I needed it. So hence why I haven't changed it ... I didn't need it for 3 months! To those "Lovely keyboard warriors" ( sarcasm) Let me remind you, you are on FML, a space for laughter and face palming ... Not a self help website and your "Advice" isn't requested nor needed Thanks again too all you lovelies ! It's hard when you thought you would marry him and then need to realign your life with current reality... Peace and love OP

By Anonymous - 27/04/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 554

You deserved it 5 380

What were the chances?

By stpry of my life - 27/02/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year-old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 129

You deserved it 7 022

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 03/02/2014 21:29 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear. I thought it was a sweet thing to do, until I saw him open a slit in its back while visiting later in the day and removing a bag of weed. He gave me a teddy bear just so he could smuggle drugs past my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 580

You deserved it 6 711

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 18:01 - United States

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 234

You deserved it 4 241

By Anonymous - 21/05/2010 00:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a pair of ankle weights for my birthday. How utterly romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 632

You deserved it 5 254

By MadameM - 26/02/2009 08:17 - United States

Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that I lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 168

You deserved it 9 775

Very mean spirited

By Anonymous - 18/09/2022 23:00

Today, my dad's will included a DNA test he did on me when I was 3, proving I’m not his son. I thought we had a great relationship, but apparently he secretly hated me all these years for mom cheating, and decided to embarrass me in front of our family, half of whom it turns out I’m not related to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 113

Vibe check

By Anonymous - 06/07/2021 14:01

Today, I started my first day of nursing clinicals. My first patient was none other than my ex-girlfriend, who I recently broke up with. She has an STI. She told me I needed to get checked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 162

By shitday - 27/01/2013 23:47 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, a cyclone hit my city. Though everywhere else is flooding, my house is fine. Well, that was until the toilet decided to overflow and regurgitate the entire town's sewerage. So now my only bathroom is covered in sewage, and I can't go anywhere else because of the flooding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 580

You deserved it 2 246

By kindgartin - 23/04/2011 09:26 - Canada

Today, I was listening to my son's teacher gossip about students whilst in the grocery store. I was thrilled when she described my son as "A model student". However, she then went on to say, "Which is surprising considering that his parents are trailer trash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 651

You deserved it 8 358

Moments of wonder

By secret123 - 24/02/2009 11:01 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were watching some show about sex on the discovery channel. The topic of female orgasms came up and she said, "Wow, I wonder what that's like?" We've been dating and sexually active for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 255

You deserved it 19 197

It's all downhill from here

By Anonymous - 06/10/2022 11:00 - United Kingdom - Farnborough

Today, my parents searched my room because yesterday they found one of my friends vapes in my bag, which they made me return. Sadly, they found a box vape with 2 e-juices and gave me a talking to. So now, I'm never allowed out of the house until I'm 18 (I'm 14 right now) and I'm never allowed friends over. Also, they're really mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 2 530

By ohokay - 24/01/2013 02:59 - United States - Bronx

Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his wife's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 804

You deserved it 5 306

By jet8725 - 23/02/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my friend who has the same birthday by going out to dinner with a bunch of our friends. The waiter brought out a cake for my friend but not for me. No one noticed my exclusion. I sang happy birthday on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 259

You deserved it 3 952

Greasy greasy spot spot

By Whoops - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting a haircut. The lady accusingly told me she'd have to thoroughly wash my hair before she started, as it was way too greasy to cut through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 210

You deserved it 47 423

Super-spreading

By Anonymous - 18/07/2021 17:59

Today, I found out I have bed bugs, thanks to my dad having them and not telling me, so my girlfriend got pissed at me, thinking I purposely give them to her, and is sending me a bill to have her house treated for them. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036

You deserved it 109

Never gonna happen

By meat lover - 27/09/2022 15:30

Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 220

By Anonymous - 17/01/2014 23:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 067

You deserved it 6 802

By Anonymous - 21/01/2013 21:26 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I have to take a midterm, which is worth a large part of my grade. All our teacher has taught us so far is how to roast s'mores over a Bunsen burner, and how to make gummy bears explode. Our test is on kinetics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 267

You deserved it 3 827

By taperjeangirl - 21/02/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 781

You deserved it 10 569

By musicalrose_21 - 20/01/2013 12:27 - United Kingdom - Haywards Heath

Today, the drummer of my band briefly mentioned something about not being allowed into the United States, just as he left our last practice before our big tour in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 890

You deserved it 3 076

musicalrose_21 tells us more.

musicalrose_21 10

Friday 22 February 2013 22:06

Hey, OP here, sorry I waited so long to reply to this but I didn't realise it got published! In the end, we left him behind and got my boyfriend's brother to drum for us. He's not out of the band though! I thought I could trust him.