The Top

In my defense, when she said, "Dresden is in Germany, Sweetie." I knew exactly where it was. My cousins are from Leipzig. I guess her accent just made the name sound funny. But thank you all for adding your two cents about the American education system.

By B - 18/04/2011 08:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 646

You deserved it 58 304

Bear of a man

By Marcus Whitfield - 14/03/2020 15:00

Today, I came to the unsettling realisation that the 2XL jacket that was originally 3 sizes too big for me is now a perfect fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 414

You deserved it 516

Exposure

By Anonymous - 14/02/2012 05:24 - United States

Today, I received an e-mail from my girlfriend's parents telling me that all the dirty e-mails I've been sending to her while she is away have been accessible by the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 353

You deserved it 13 936

Good deed, but still…

By poor guy - 13/03/2020 05:16 - United States

Today, I was at Goodwill and I saw my bike, which was stolen from me a couple of weeks ago. It was a gift that my mom gave me for my birthday. The bike was being sold for 65 dollars. I had to buy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 955

You deserved it 170

By ZaraAce - 15/04/2011 11:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband of 30 years told me that he thought we should 'just be friends'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 237

You deserved it 4 773

Foot in mouth #366

By Anonymous - 14/04/2011 01:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I bumped into an old school friend. I'd heard she was pregnant so the first thing I did was congratulate her. Not only was she not pregnant, but the reason she managed to get so fat was because of comfort eating due to her miscarriage last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 027

You deserved it 7 471

GTFO dude

By Outta shape - 06/02/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, my husband is leaving me for another woman because, and I quote, “She can ride dick longer than two minutes and doesn’t have two chins looking down on me while doing it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 338

By Anonymous - 10/02/2012 05:31 - United States

Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 024

You deserved it 7 299

Bad day, huh?

By evenpoorer - 16/03/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I was excited to start my new job. It was only when I was leaving after a long 8-hour day did I realize all of the personal documents I had I brought in for paperwork had been stolen. I'm now down a passport, social security card, and wallet. Great first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 036

You deserved it 3 583

Dangerous words

By lily - 30/08/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 156

You deserved it 54 691

Spin on this

By foreveralone - 21/03/2020 06:00

Today, I had my first kiss. It would have been great if I wasn't playing spin the bottle as a 23-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 401

By PunchingKennyLoggins - 15/03/2010 13:33 - United States

Today, the satellite radio at work went on the fritz, playing one song over and over. Management wouldn't turn it off, though, because then customers would miss out on all those upcoming-sale announcements that run intermittently. Meanwhile, I got to listen to "Footloose" for eight hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 478

You deserved it 2 508

Quickie

By Anonymous - 11/02/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, when my boyfriend came over he was on his phone. We spent about 15 minutes together before having sex, then he made a phone call and said he had to leave. I could hear him from my window apologising to his coworker because he “just had to do something real quick but was now free to talk again.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 176

By Anonymous - 07/02/2012 18:15 - United States

Today, I saw my girlfriend at the store and joyfully greeted her. She got really mad at me - it was her identical twin sister, who I still cannot tell apart from my girlfriend. We've been dating for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 961

You deserved it 21 089

Cheeky

By Anonymous - 29/08/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower outside at my fiancé's beach house. I was struggling to take my bikini bottoms off, so I started to walk backwards to step out of it. Little did I know that I had pushed the door open. My fiancé, his family, and my family all saw me bend over naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 604

You deserved it 8 641

Smoke 'em if you've got 'em

By Dumbweed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of the smell of marijuana in the house. So I confessed and told her I'll never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 344

You deserved it 68 201

Management 101

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 04:01 - South Africa

Today, I got a call from the bank, telling me my mom's company is going broke. She's been on holiday for a month, and I had been appointed to manage it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 208

By lostmyfaithinblowjobs - 12/01/2013 02:16 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, during an hour-long drive, my sister told me she's lost her "faith in humanity", because one of her friends bought his 8-year-old son an iPad. She uses this stupid expression all the time, and I got so pissed off that I forgot to brake at a red light, rear-ending the car in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 495

You deserved it 51 853

By tooembarassed - 03/02/2012 20:47 - United States

Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 543

You deserved it 3 616

By troublewithbleach - 06/04/2011 01:52 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 554

You deserved it 11 848

By Anonymous - 12/03/2010 16:55 - United Kingdom

Today, while celebrating at my friend's birthday party, I fell down a flight of stairs, got into a fight with my flatmate, and ruined my friend's outfit after drinking too much. I'm expecting I'll need to find a new place to live tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 684

You deserved it 32 205

Toxic parenting done right

By I have identified the source - 19/10/2022 02:00 - United States

Today, I finally confronted my parents about my depression and avoidant personality disorder. I showed them a well-kept journal of every time they've disregarded my feelings on something completely valid. I'd worked on this journal since I was ten years old. They denied it all and told me to "quit being a crybaby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 249

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I'm pretty sure my sister is being catfished. Now I have the choice of either telling her and risking her staying with her abusive husband or letting her think her new "boyfriend" is a good guy who didn't just "accidentally" send me a shower picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 027

You deserved it 895

Today, I invited my friends to meet up at the park. After asking twice, I finally got the text saying to meet them there. But when I got there, I realized they had already been there for a while. As I was walking up to them, I heard, "Why did you invite him?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 020

You deserved it 902

Today, I was using the restroom at a gas station when someone hurriedly knocked on the door. Thinking that it was my sister, I playfully said, "Hold up, hoe!" I opened the door to see a goth woman with an edgy haircut giving me a death stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 835

You deserved it 6 016

Today, after moving house, changing my number, my email, and beginning legal action to get away from a girl who was stalking me, I decided to go to the movies to relax. As soon as I got in my seat, that same girl walked into the nearly empty theatre. She sat next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 797

You deserved it 3 181

Today, my gynecologist was having trouble with my exam due to me being "too tight." I'm 24. After the explanation of having been pretty inactive in over a year, she exclaimed, "Damn, girl, we really need to find you a boyfriend!" Yeah, tell me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 514

You deserved it 4 745

Today, my husband typed in my work Teams Chat, “FUCK THIS JOB I QUIT” while I was away from my desk. All this because he’s still jealous of my and a male coworker’s friendship. I was terminated. He showed no remorse for what he did and told me to find another job where I won’t “slut around.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 290