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By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 05:52 - United States

Today, after work, I came home to my boyfriend sleeping on the couch. Feeling romantic, I started to undo his pants. My reward was him waking up and kneeing me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 875

You deserved it 27 945

Oh, hello…

By superclutz - 07/07/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breastfeeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 460

You deserved it 21 208

By TimJack18 - 04/01/2015 23:14 - United States - Whiteville

Today, in an attempt to be romantic, I kissed my husband as passionately as I could. After, he looked at me and said, "You taste like Chinese food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 903

You deserved it 5 202

By expen_dable - 06/07/2009 05:55 - United States

Today, I came home and found out that my new roommate, who smokes half a pack of cigarettes a day and drinks heavily 5 nights a week, had smashed my $300 bong because "weed is a horrible and deadly drug that will kill you slowly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 580

You deserved it 36 928

expen_dable tells us more.

expen_dable 0

Monday 6 July 2009 19:18

1. my roommates a girl 2. My old roommate and I both bought the bong and split the price but when she transferred colleges she let me keep it 3. my roommate does drink usually 5 nights a week and she is 19 so she isn't exactly law abiding either

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, I waited in the pouring rain for my wife to come pick me up from work. It was only after I was thoroughly drenched that I remembered it was my wife's day off, and that I drove myself to work earlier in her car, which was parked fifty feet from where I was waiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 694

You deserved it 45 448

By notfatanymore - 13/11/2011 20:50 - Germany

Today, the guy I've recently started seeing confided that he's relieved I'm on the heavier side, and that he has a thing for watching chubby women eat. I just reached my ideal weight after losing 40 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 413

You deserved it 4 113

Pushover

By Anonymous - 04/09/2020 14:05

Today, my in-laws invited themselves to stay at my house for a few days. They live out of state and have been self-quarantining for months. The reason for visiting? So they can throw a party for extended family at our house. Guess who'll end up doing all the work and clean up? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 237

Cats > Humans

By Breebree - 06/07/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I realized I’m always being told how “amazing” I am, yet no guy wants to choose me. I’m that girl who is always overlooked and friend-zoned. I have so much love to give yet I never get any of it in return. I guess I should adopt lots of cats and write off guys forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 266

ED much?

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, my step-mom asked if I was having some eating issues. I admitted that maybe I've picked up some bad habits from friends and school. Now she won't stop bombarding me with self-help books and therapy websites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 687

You deserved it 23 286

By Fatlady43 - 19/01/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 308

You deserved it 6 531

By Sack - 10/11/2011 11:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 453

You deserved it 6 084

By Nolimit2217 - 29/12/2014 22:07 - United States

Today, my wife started a 24 hour urine collection as directed by the doctor for her pregnancy. She has to collect the urine in a gallon jug, and refrigerate it. At lunch time, I went to go get the rest of my sandwich but was unable to find it, until she suggested I "look under the piss jug." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 447

You deserved it 2 811

Nolimit2217 tells us more.

Nolimit2217 32

Thursday 1 January 2015 17:19

I thought it was funny. I understand the seriousness of pre-eclampsia since it happened with our first child too. Don't get on a high horse with me. I support my wife through and through, just had a funny moment I wanted to share.

Dear Raymond…

By Frenchie - 12/09/2013 21:24 - United States - Belleville

Today, in French class we had to write love letters as an exercise. Since my boyfriend recently broke up with me by text message, I ended up writing a 20-sentence love letter in French to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 647

You deserved it 4 331

By Anonymous - 09/11/2011 04:11 - United States

Today, I discovered my sister has a crystal meth problem when she set fire to our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 328

You deserved it 2 627

But… What about my Cranberry sauce?

By Anonymous - 24/11/2021 17:01

Today, I found out my family's Thanksgiving was canceled. Why? Because my mom doesn't want to cheat on her diet, so we aren't having it at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 158

By Anonymous - 25/12/2014 21:00 - United States

Today, my dad has discovered selfies and my mom has discovered taking pictures of food. Now I'm at a restaurant, suffering through it all and not being able to eat anything until my mom has taken pictures of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 157

You deserved it 2 630

By tehaustiebear - 03/10/2012 22:03 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to play Twister. Her parents watched us the whole time, making sure we didn't touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 787

You deserved it 2 754

Observational comedy

By Anonymous - 17/09/2020 22:59

Today, I, an insecure high school student, told my 11-year-old sister that I got my period in third grade. She responded with, “What?! Then how come you didn’t have tits until last year?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 204

Straight to jail

By jflac - 24/12/2014 12:03 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 027

You deserved it 2 857

By dagreatpumpkin - 02/10/2012 18:48 - United States

Today, someone stole the massive pumpkin I've been painstakingly growing all year. What did they do with it? They put it in the middle of a busy intersection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 685

You deserved it 2 071

dagreatpumpkin tells us more.

dagreatpumpkin 3

Monday 8 October 2012 0:53

The pumpkin was for a contest. It weighed in at over 500 LBS. No-one was hurt by it being in the intersection, only vehicle damage. Cuplrits have been found and charged with Meyham, 2 counts of Grand Theft (one for the pumpkin, and one for a forklift), Criminal Trespass, and Vandalism. Cinderella, didn't make it to the ball.

By Ariel_Mariaa - 04/11/2011 23:25 - Canada

Today, I went to see the latest Paranormal Activity movie with my mother. We were terrified and held hands at one point. The person sitting behind us thought it would be hilarious to abruptly scream into my mother's ear. She reacted by flailing and driving her arm straight into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 555

You deserved it 4 294