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Cancelled

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 03:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie where a girl proposed to a guy. He said, "I would hate it if that happened to me, obviously I don't want to get married if I haven't proposed myself." I was planning on proposing later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 401

You deserved it 8 829

By anon - 11/05/2009 20:37 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 179

You deserved it 3 166

Obsessed and possessed

By ugh just make it stop - 01/07/2023 18:00

Today, after weeks of my yelling, my boyfriend finally listened and got a hobby. Instead of getting into something sensible like martial arts, he chose tabletop gaming. Now I have to listen to hours of boring stories about pretend fantasy worlds, and admit to everyone that my boyfriend is a nerd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 2 021

Overreaction time

By DayamyWuzHere - 24/11/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, some girl punched me in the face and left a huge purple bruise. Apparently, her boyfriend has been cheating on her with me, because she always sees him walking me home. Her boyfriend is my older brother, who didn't bother telling her who I was, because he "wanted to see what she would do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 633

You deserved it 2 696

By Anonymous - 18/05/2019 20:00

Today, I realized cigarettes are my cure for boredom. I bore myself out of $2000-plus a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 1 931

Check this out

By Anonymous - 15/04/2022 12:00

Spicy

Today, I’ve been getting a lot of strange messages from guys on the dating site I use, then I realised why: on my profile pic I'm sat down and you can see my nice underwear up my skirt. That explains the messages, they thought I was trolling for men to hump and dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 1 053

By cc - 24/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how I'm self conscious about my weight. He looks at me and says, "Don't worry babe, I've always been kind of a chubby chaser." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 503

You deserved it 7 917

By man - 08/05/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 406

You deserved it 10 391

Hot singles in your area!

By homeboyfat - 22/03/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, my grandpa actually believed a "hot 19 year-old" lived "only 10 miles away" and was "desperate to meet him." Our family laptop with the backups of all our childhood photos and videos is now infected with the worst virus I've ever seen, and may require factory resetting or just scrapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 160

By MonCoiffeurAdoré - 28/06/2012 02:43

Today, I caught my stylist in the mirror attempting to get his colleague to laugh by spitting on my head while washing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 33

By Blondie - 22/10/2010 20:37 - United States

Today, after a heated debate with my friend on whether blondes are naturally stupid, I convinced her that I'm actually quite intelligent, and poured myself a glass of juice in victory. After finishing the glass, instead of returning the bottle back to the refrigerator, I put it in the cupboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 690

You deserved it 41 104

There must be other reasons

By Anonymous - 12/05/2022 00:01

Spicy

Today, my wife is leaving me because I don’t satisfy her sexually. Chance would be a fine thing, every time I get romantic, all I get is, "I have a headache", "I think my period's coming", “Is sex all you think about?”, “What if the neighbours hear us?”, and my all time favourite, “Ew, not a chance.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 395

You deserved it 322

Cosplay freakout

By Anonymous - 24/04/2022 14:00

Today, our daughter was going to a cosplay event, until her dad saw the costume, or lack thereof, that she was planning to wear in public, with people taking photographs of her. He got so mad, he actually burst a blood vessel in his neck and had to go to hospital. She still went to the event. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 372

By Anonymous - 20/11/2009 01:50 - United States

Today, I finally got an interview at a restaurant after looking for a job for three months. I dressed nice, and the interview was going well until this blonde girl in booty shorts and fishnets walked in. The manager hired her on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 049

You deserved it 2 683

It's not what you think!

By me. - 22/06/2012 07:28 - United States - Indianapolis

Spicy

Today, I called my doctor from my office. He wanted to call a prescription to my pharmacy, but wanted to know by what method I would prefer my medication. During our conversation, a group of potential clients walked in just as I exclaimed, "I definitely prefer oral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 225

You deserved it 3 782

By coeurdlucky - 19/10/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to see his 72-year-old mom who just had minor surgery on her abdomen. When we asked how she was healing, she lifted up her nightgown to show us a bruise near her belly button. She wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 226

You deserved it 3 581

By Anonymous - 04/05/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 795

You deserved it 76 042

By welptimetoburntheplacedown - 11/08/2014 15:02 - United States - Louisville

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 340

You deserved it 3 710

By ktwithaq - 18/10/2010 11:27 - United States

Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 817

You deserved it 5 374

By Dancing King - 07/08/2014 15:36 - Norway - Egersund

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time. I knew I was in bad shape, but I bet her that I could lift more than her. Not only did I get my ass handed to me by a 5', 115lbs girl in front of the entire gym, I also have to attend Zumba in bright pink spandex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 367

You deserved it 43 309

Grooming

By Schaf_12 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Austria - Vienna

Today, I trimmed my beard. When I showed my wife, she said, "Yeah, but you still look like a serial killer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 425

You deserved it 5 283

By Yapanesedidwhat - 16/11/2009 07:00 - Canada

Today, as a customer was trying on some outfits, I looked over at her husband for his opinion. The response I got? Him licking his lips. Just then his wife looked up to see me gawking at him in shock. She yelled at me to close my legs and stop checking out her man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 679

You deserved it 3 798

Yapanesedidwhat tells us more.

Yapanesedidwhat 0

Tuesday 17 November 2009 10:57

All the employees in our store have to 'shop' with our customers. That includes showing them different styles, starting up fitting rooms for them AND offering our opinions WHEN asked to by customers. She tried on an out fit and she asked her husband AND me (since you know.. I do 'work' in a CLOTHING STORE)..for our opinions. Since her husband didn't say anything.. I looked over to see why he was so quiet. Instead of paying attention to his wife.. he was too busy eyeing me like a creep while licking his lips. It doesn't take a genious to figure out what his d--k head was thinking. And what was I doing "IN" the fitting room.. uh have you never seen people WORKING by the fitting rooms? Ever stop to think she came OUT of the fitting room to show her outfit?....jjeeeeezzz people....

Shut your pie hole, please

By An unemployed doorman - 14/02/2021 21:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I have to listen to my flatmate complaining that ladies don’t shag him anymore since his dad in Saudi Arabia cut him off. Apparently, they show a lot of interest until he reveals his financial situation. The dude actually thought he was God's gift to women instead of a mobile ATM. What a tool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 150

By funnygirl018 - 28/05/2013 22:14 - United States

Today, it was my very last day teaching my dance class. After the class ended, the owner of the studio started clapping and told all my students to give me a hug. No one hugged me. No one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 753

You deserved it 5 722

By cait - 30/04/2009 19:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 659

You deserved it 100 272

By Anonymous - 05/08/2011 23:51 - Canada

Today, I was working at the hospital front desk when an elderly man started hurling racial slurs at another visitor. A fight broke out, so I stepped in and forcibly separated the two. The old man tripped and crashed to the floor. Now I'm under investigation for "contributing to workplace violence." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 417

You deserved it 2 837

Please leave

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I went on my first date in over a year, and my best friend popped up at the restaurant uninvited. To make it worse, she pulled up a chair right in between us and started an argument with the bartender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 366

You deserved it 248

By anthony512 - 24/05/2013 16:08 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, after a sleepless night, I fell asleep at my work desk. When I awoke, I found my co-workers had duct taped me to my chair. I was yelling at them to untape me, when our boss came in, scolded me for fucking about on the job, and left without saying a word to my colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 056

You deserved it 12 780

Great timing, dude

By ugly - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I was telling my best friend that I was feeling unattractive, and that I never get asked out. As she was trying to make me feel better, we were interrupted by a stranger trying to hit on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 849

You deserved it 3 659

Alexa, play "Hawaii" by Public Image Ltd

By Anonymous - 02/08/2023 12:00

Today, my mom has gotten to the stage of her Alzheimer’s where every time I visit she thinks I’m a burglar, and screams and cries until I leave. My dad does his best, but I just want my mom back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 106

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The Top

The Top

Today, I discovered that when my doctor said my new medication "may cause sensitivity to sunlight" what he meant was "sit in total darkness during the day or your skin will feel like its burning off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 365

You deserved it 576

Today, my dad killed my pet rats. They were playing on the sofa, and he thought they were vermin. This would have been understandable if the reason he came over wasn't to meet them, and they hadn't been wearing bright pink walking harnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 046

You deserved it 7 223

Today, I was at the water park with my boyfriend. We were getting on a two-person tube slide. As I went to sit in the front I noticed the lifeguard looking me up and down, what I assumed was him checking me out. I found out I was wrong when he said, "Heaviest in back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 768

You deserved it 10 614

Today, after talking to my psychiatrist about a delusion I have - that I know is a delusion but simply can’t shake - he started frowning and pulled out the DSM-V. After thumbing through it for a while he looks at me and says, “That’s not in here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 213

You deserved it 197

Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and some new clients when I sensed that I was about to sneeze. I tried to hold it in, but ended up sneezing AND farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 150

Today, I'm 35 years-old and I had to buy myself a hat from the kids section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 97