The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

ICYMI

By senelbeat - 03/07/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her, "If I want to have sex, I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you get married." She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 396

You deserved it 8 626

High times

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 10:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 050

You deserved it 1 640

By jcedarholm - 13/09/2012 05:19 - United States - San Marcos

Today, at work, I was talking to a Scottish woman when my coworker and I both told her we were also Scottish. To this she replied, "We Scottish people get around." I then said, "Tell me about it, I'm one of four siblings from my dad, he definitely gets around." She was talking about travel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 769

You deserved it 24 215

By theaaxis - 26/11/2014 21:43 - United States

Today, my mother requested that I return the $500 she had previously given me to help me pay for college. Her reasoning? "You work three jobs, you can afford it." I work three jobs because she decided buying herself a car was more important than my schooling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 277

You deserved it 3 728

theaaxis tells us more.

theaaxis 27

Friday 28 November 2014 3:56

Wow, this got published! To give a little background, my mom had been telling me for years that she would pay for my first two years of college, though she's a fickle woman, so I kept a backup plan. When she withdrew the offer, I accepted the situation gracefully, and am now taking a gap year, working 77 hours a week, so I won't have to depend on her. Any resentment over the money is over the week's notice I was given, which even still makes me worry about her financial situation more so than my own. That she wants even the gift back does bother me a little, but I by no means expected her to pay my way through life, and am very much financially independent. Thanks much to the many of you who understood!

By NoBasement4U - 26/11/2015 20:24 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 447

You deserved it 2 141

By ChildhoodTerror - 26/12/2016 06:40

Today, my cousin left her undisciplined demon-child at my house for Christmas. This child destroyed the other children's gifts and made so much noise that the neighbors called the police. The adults can't really discipline her while her mother is away, so all we can do is apologize in this child's wake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 722

You deserved it 1 590

By Anonymous - 01/09/2014 02:18 - United States - Bronx

Today, while eating cotton candy, a drunk person came up to me and said "HEY! COTTON CANDY!" And bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 962

You deserved it 3 256

By time to buy a gun - 02/11/2015 04:22 - United States - Carolina

Today, I was upstairs with my wife when I heard my cat scream from the porch downstairs. I ran down to find her "puffed up" and growling on the floor, and a corner of the screen next to the door busted out. I still have no idea what caused it and my wife is now afraid to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 051

You deserved it 1 704

Nature is healing

By KeysToHappiness - 16/08/2015 12:39 - United States - Roseville

Today, I was kayaking with my family for my birthday when we tipped over while going down a rocky cascade. My husband badly cut up his arm, and my car keys and my phone both went for a swim and never returned. Great birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 480

You deserved it 8 691

Oooooooh!

By only my life - 22/04/2014 22:21 - United States - Concord

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 934

You deserved it 6 753

By fuck you, gran - 09/03/2013 00:38 - United States - Ashland

Today, my family threw me my 21st birthday party. My grandma's gift turned out to be a pack of condoms. "Not that you'll ever get to use them," she said, turning and walking off, cackling maniacally. Now I remember why I never talk to the old crone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 112

You deserved it 4 097

By GirlFromAus - 25/09/2009 08:13 - Australia

Today, I had to listen to my mum and grandma planning a funeral for my grandpa. Who isn't dead yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 482

You deserved it 2 708

GirlFromAus tells us more.

GirlFromAus 0

Thursday 22 October 2009 11:28

guys, I am the OP, so listen up... my grandpa wasnt actually aware it was happening he had no say whatsoever he wasnt planning his own, they planned it FOR him, while he wasnt there

By Anonymous - 22/02/2018 15:00

Today, I came out as transgender to my extremely accepting and religious family over Facebook. My feed is currently flooded with plans for my exorcism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 660

You deserved it 1 573

By dino317 - 27/02/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, after many weeks of talking to this guy over the phone for hours on end and establishing that we both had feelings for the other, we met in person. He saw me, got an "emergency text," and hasn't talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 167

You deserved it 5 537

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 05:39 - United States - Mahwah

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. Turns out his dad is the asshole customer that I complain about all the time. He recognized me too and spent the entire dinner making passive-aggressive remarks about how bad of an employee I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 406

You deserved it 2 937

By optimist - 26/01/2010 19:03 - United States

Today, after wondering why I didn't receive a grade for a summer course I took in 2007, I realized that I gave the professor the wrong student ID number. Someone else received credit. I've been waiting on this grade for 8 months in order to graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 714

You deserved it 31 077

By bipbip - 12/11/2008 07:53 - France

Today, at work, I received an email telling me that viewing porn websites was prohibited and was a good enough reason to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 349

You deserved it 68 886

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 08:38 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a homeless man. As we left the train he shook my hand and was seemingly on his way. That was until he caught me greeting my boyfriend, to which he decided to tell the romantic story of how he murdered a man for "getting too close to his woman." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 908

You deserved it 3 145

By CRWMEN - 22/12/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 439

You deserved it 3 293

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 02:13 - United States

Today, I spent the entire day at the hospital and was sent home attached to an obnoxious and somewhat painful heart monitor. I felt fine and decided to go to a bonfire with a few friends. I thought everyone was being nice until I overheard the guys referring to me as an unattractive xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 335

You deserved it 3 322

There you are

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, at an aunt's wake, my five year-old son walked up to the coffin, and, with the whole family around him, exclaimed, "Well that's good, I was wondering where she's been." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 578

You deserved it 3 644

By kprince - 08/05/2013 14:00 - United States - Northridge

Today, I was singing horribly in the shower. Without me knowing, my sister recorded my singing and set it as my ringtone. My phone rang in class and everyone heard it. My new nickname is American Idol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 473

You deserved it 11 255

Oh, there you are…

By eddiemusicjazz - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Azusa

Today, a week after I lost my wallet, replaced the majority of my ID cards, canceled my debit card, and went to the DMV and paid for a replacement driver's license, I found my wallet. It was in my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 321

You deserved it 27 422

You must conform

By lefthandspanker - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Craig

Today, my slightly batshit insane grandma called me disgusting and unladylike. Why? For writing with my left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 359

You deserved it 1 719

By for fuck's sake, gran - 25/07/2015 05:30 - United States - Bainbridge

Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 521

You deserved it 1 784

Febreze time

By catpeecathy - 14/09/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was looking in my laundry basket for a clean tank top to wear. As I felt around, I realized that most of my clothes were still wet after two days. After asking my mom what was wrong with the dryer, I found out that for two days my cat had been using my laundry basket as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 687

You deserved it 5 441

Boundaries

By Sfg_926 - 26/06/2016 05:02 - United States - Newberg

Today, I told one of my coworkers that she looked really cute today. Later she sent an email to me and cc'd the entire office saying, "It really makes me feel uncomfortable when you say things like that to me. And I shouldn't have to feel that way at work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 950

You deserved it 3 623

By thegirlofthedad - 29/01/2013 09:48 - India - Mumbai

Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 704

You deserved it 2 814

By Medfail - 20/06/2016 07:13 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 673

You deserved it 13 730

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 20:14 - United States - Charleston

Today, I guess my son's balls dropped. I've caught him humping his sister's Selena Gomez posters several times today. For god's sake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 800

You deserved it 1 932

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Coworkers Awkward Work Miscellaneous Relatable Social Media My ex Love Kids Scams Friends I need your advice Public freakouts AITA Cops Health Housework Scary Homeowners Weird Technology Transportation Cars Intimacy Sex Dad jokes Argument Money Neighbours Sleep

The Top

Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 823

You deserved it 3 330

Today, I realized there is nothing quite like having your mother be too hungover to open presents on Christmas morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 231

You deserved it 2 863

Today, my depression caused me to sleep through my appointment to try and get more antidepressants. We love mental instability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 135

Today, after spending 5 years working towards my dream job, getting it, and while in training telling a risqué joke, I got suspended the next day, lost the job, and I'm now in a shitty admin job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 1 907

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight. Once we were cool, we decided to have makeup sex. I tried to change position so we could 69, but I then accidently kicked him in the head. He thinks I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 289

Today, my job decided not to pay me. I talked to HR about it and they told me it will be “very hard” to fix the issue of my missing paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 62