The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By MumMatters - 09/09/2016 10:26 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, my babysitter told me to find a replacement, so I tried to bribe her into staying by offering her a raise. She told me that the money would be better spent on an exorcist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 170

You deserved it 4 249

By Cat vs. Dog - 28/04/2014 21:03 - United States - Laramie

Today, my escape artist of a dog got out. She not only chased someone else's cat into someone else's house, but promptly defecated all over their living room floor out of excitement. That's one way to meet the new neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 211

You deserved it 5 075

By can't sleep - 18/03/2014 08:36 - United States - Crown Point

Today, my mother taught my 98-year-old great-uncle to knock on the wall if he needs us. He can't remember who we are, but every hour he can remember to knock to ask, "Is it breakfast yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 833

You deserved it 4 151

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 04:23 - United States - Lafayette Hill

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 600

You deserved it 46 318

By Anonymous - 24/04/2015 16:27 - United States - San Jose

Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 328

You deserved it 6 274

Sax appeal

By blackcarnation - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - South Windsor

Today, my brother got a new saxophone. He thought a good way to break it in was to play it in my ear. Loudly. While I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 403

You deserved it 3 838

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 06:12 - United States - Amelia

Today, my brother thought New Year's would be more epic and memorable if the fireworks were set off in the family room and not outside. It is memorable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 62

Drunken mess

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 17:18 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over four years ago decided to turn up outside my house at 1 a.m., drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 211

You deserved it 4 515

By Anonymous - 14/03/2015 16:11 - United States - Janesville

Today, my instructor turned up late to get me for my driving test. I soon realized something was seriously wrong. Turned out his wife left him last night, and he'd been drinking the pain away all morning. He ended up rear-ending another car, and now I have to reschedule my test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 480

You deserved it 2 635

By ko - 09/12/2012 00:25 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went to see a musical that some school friends had put on. At some point in the show, the main character kicked her leg up in the air, and her high heel flew off of her foot and into the audience. The shoe hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 154

You deserved it 2 177

By Whatever479 - 17/02/2011 17:29 - Ireland

Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend asking if I'd Skype with him. Thinking he'd find my tousled bed hair and big t-shirt sexy, I went on. The first thing he noticed was the massive booger on my face that stretched from my nose to the other side of my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 745

You deserved it 37 740

By lamb-chop - 02/12/2008 06:32 - France

Today, my philosophy teacher asked me about my parents. I replied that my mum was a cleaner and my dad was a bus driver. In an astonished voice, she said, "But, you're clever..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 936

You deserved it 2 480

By bregaja - 25/02/2016 18:59 - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his mom for the very first time. After shaking my hand and looking me up and down, she loudly proclaimed, "She doesn't have the right hips to have kids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 872

You deserved it 1 629

By Prae - 01/10/2012 05:47 - United States - Dallas

Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 715

You deserved it 2 122

By Upset Mommy - 14/07/2013 04:32 - United States

Today, my water broke. I called my mom, who had agreed to watch my other two kids while I went to the hospital. When I asked her to come over, she just said, "Sorry, now isn't a good time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 984

You deserved it 3 708

By Anonymous - 08/08/2014 19:34 - United States

Today, I realized that my dog, who's 11, eats his own shit, and chews bones like crazy still has 10 times nicer teeth than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 466

You deserved it 8 389

By anonymous - 16/10/2010 15:18 - Canada

Today, I was walking to school. I started running to catch up with my friend. I yelled her name, and she turned around in time to watch me slip on a sheet of ice, fall face first, and pass out. When she ran to my side, I unconsciously peed on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 406

You deserved it 4 316

By oops1234 - 16/04/2009 14:38 - United States

Today, I discovered that I had left my sunroof open all night during a storm and my front seats was soaked. I grabbed a towel for my seat but didn't close my sunroof because it was nice out. As I pull out of my driveway, I felt something wet hit my forehead. A bird shit on me through my sunroof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 526

You deserved it 17 468

By Username - 07/07/2011 22:29 - United States

Today, I was scheduled for an interview at 3 o'clock. I allowed thirty minutes for the drive, but when I put my key in the ignition, the car wouldn't start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 525

You deserved it 4 454

By ohdear. - 29/03/2014 23:07 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 014

You deserved it 4 759

By Needasafe1234 - 25/09/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 042

You deserved it 46 833

SEXY!

By Anonymous - 20/03/2014 02:43 - United States - Canyon

Today, my boyfriend decided it was time to spice up our sex life. He now watches Sons Of Anarchy when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 271

You deserved it 6 998

By Disappointed - 19/02/2014 21:33 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, after 10 months of hard work, it was the opening night of the show I was directing. Everybody loved it, except my mother. She called it the worst thing she'd ever seen. Thanks for the support, mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 011

You deserved it 3 430

Bratz

By Anonymous - 15/06/2016 15:07 - United States

Today, my bratty sister shoved me overboard during a boat ride. Not ten seconds after being pulled back on board, I got an earful of abuse from my parents. My sister is the family favorite and they refuse to believe that I didn't "provoke" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 869

You deserved it 922

By Shuttie - 18/01/2013 12:55 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 599

You deserved it 43 648

By comfort_ - 27/03/2015 03:28 - United States - Dalton

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 574

You deserved it 10 208

By cheshirealyce - 05/03/2015 17:36 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my day began with a "Good morning, beautiful." and ended with a "Maybe someone would love you if you were pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 650

You deserved it 2 824

It's not what you think

By failure - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, my boss brought her cat to work. At one point, I looked up and everyone was staring at me staring at the cat's asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 245

You deserved it 16 026

By Olive - 19/12/2008 04:11 - France

Today, and for the last two weeks I have been preparing my girlfriend for a break up with nasty remarks. She has been finding me exceptionally funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 338

You deserved it 40 782

By singlemam - 15/03/2016 01:51 - United States - Akron

Today, while at the park, my 3 year-old ran up to a lady, grabbed her chest and loudly asked, "Are these your breasts? Are they private on you too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 212

You deserved it 2 089

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Dad jokes Kids Argument Money Health Neighbours Sleep Mental health Embarrassing NSFW Intimacy Family Alcohol Transportation Miscellaneous Birthday Cute I need your advice Relatable Love Sex Friends My ex Awkward Scary Technology Annoying Work Capitalism Divorce

The Top

Today, my first date in years cancelled on me because she has to "wash the horse's hair." The date was arranged for 9:30pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 335

You deserved it 3 460

Today, I had to go along with my mom to meet some of her old friends from high school. When they asked her about how her life was going, she said she was married, always traveling, no kids, and introduced me as the neighbor's kid she babysits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 317

You deserved it 3 376

Today, I hate this time of year, not only because everything is pumpkin spice, but because of Bath and Body work sales. I work in an office full of women, and when Bath and Body has a sale, it's Game Of Smell Thrones in the office. My allergies then act up, and I handle the office phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 275

Today, I have to start completely over on my degree and life, because I was so busy raising my sister that I never got to plan my career out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 160

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years left me for my best friend. She actually tried to “comfort” me saying that “Some relationships are just not meant to be,” and “Now you’re free to find your soulmate” and that “One day, it will all make sense.” Alexa, play “Ironic” by Alanis Morissette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 147

Today, my boyfriend said to me, in front of his friends, “Can you stop breaking out into song all the time? It’s getting really annoying.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 899