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Promise

By thiswouldhappen. - 17/03/2009 02:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad gave me a promise ring on my one-year anniversary with my boyfriend and made me swear I would wait until marriage. Four hours later, he walked in on us having sex in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 718

You deserved it 265 900

Spoiled the mood

By DFR - 09/06/2010 13:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 942

You deserved it 23 855

By IAmACoolCat - 05/07/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 562

You deserved it 4 968

Educate your sons

By Anonymous - 18/07/2015 05:00 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 162

You deserved it 5 885

Smooth move

By nicole - 27/05/2011 20:52 - United States

Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 355

You deserved it 78 753

By Anonymous - 13/08/2011 19:12 - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I fell asleep at the beach. My friends took the opportunity to bury me in the sand, place food all around me, and wait for a flock of hungry seagulls to attack me. To top it off, they taped it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 840

You deserved it 6 334

Hello?

By blahhlovely_30 - 09/03/2011 20:03 - United States

Today, I lost my cat. It's deaf, so no matter what I do it can't hear me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 628

You deserved it 4 956

By BookBabe - 25/03/2012 15:34 - United States - Panorama City

Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 299

You deserved it 37 985

By Anonymous - 08/05/2015 16:59 - India - New Delhi

Spicy

Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 235

You deserved it 42 608

Home again

By GD. - 21/02/2009 22:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299 986

You deserved it 67 638

Teaching moment

By ohno - 10/03/2010 11:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to see a movie with my best friend, and there were three girls loudly discussing blowjob techniques. I texted my boyfriend about how gross the conversation was. His reply was, "Pay attention. You might learn something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 398

You deserved it 29 748

By 123roomielover - 26/01/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 590

You deserved it 3 744

Bad boy!

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite, this dog is no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 290

You deserved it 17 924

You OK dude?

By gayboii - 19/03/2011 21:37 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, while at a boring lecture, I heard some people behind me whispering and laughing. I turned around, wondering what was so funny, which made them laugh even more. I then realised it looked like I'd been giving my pen a blowjob for the last 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 004

You deserved it 35 707

By Anonymous - 21/01/2013 12:48 - United States - Baltimore

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 385

You deserved it 4 422

By kaileigh10 - 18/05/2011 03:04

Today, I threw a surprise birthday party for my 3 year old. There was music, snacks and lots of toys. My 3 year old is a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 049

You deserved it 50 612

kaileigh10 tells us more.

kaileigh10 2

Wednesday 18 May 2011 21:00

I agree! How is a baby going to change my life. that was a stupid suggestion.

By brannie - 30/01/2012 00:26 - United States

Today, I found out that Google+ has been automatically uploading my cell phone pictures as I take them. My friends have now seen pictures of me, my penis, and other things too horrifying to talk about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 732

You deserved it 46 377

By B_and_W - 21/11/2013 11:35 - France

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 35

Empathetic

By anonymous - 28/12/2011 08:14 - United States

Today, my 9 month-old son realized he is just as tired as I am. His solution is to cry loudly. My solution was to cry along with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 481

You deserved it 5 183

By myBFsucks - 05/10/2011 04:16 - Canada

Today, I went to the movies on a date. I went to pay for the tickets when I realized that I didn't have my wallet. Instead of my boyfriend paying, he laughed and paid for his own ticket. Then he went ahead and saw the movie without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 392

You deserved it 7 553

By Pool-less - 04/09/2011 06:09 - United States

Today, I found out that my neighbors took it upon themselves to knock down the fence we shared, and putting up a new one. Thus fencing my pool into their yard. When I asked them why, he replied, "We thought you weren't coming back." I was gone for 4 months tending to my sister with breast cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 108

You deserved it 2 398

By Anonymous - 23/04/2009 13:35 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend of three and a half years a text message spilling my heart out, saying I'll love him forever, and how much I appreciate him in my life, that I want to be the mother of his children, etc. His text back to me? "Are you drunk?!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 094

You deserved it 67 594

By tannerpaul - 25/03/2011 01:30

Spicy

Today, I went to the hospital as my girlfriend's emergency contact. When I saw her, she was under a blanket because she had no pants. She had a seizure in a guy's bed and he brought her here. He's here and she wants us both to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 514

You deserved it 4 572

Ah, young love…

By HotAsTits - 20/03/2011 20:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 037

You deserved it 10 494

Desperate

By ineedalifekay - 24/05/2009 06:43 - Canada

Today, none of my 500 Facebook friends responded to my status about "Who wants to hang out during summer holidays?" I created an imaginary person on a different account to respond and ask me to hang out with him. I had a conversation on my status, with myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 029

You deserved it 46 440

By Anon - 27/07/2009 07:32 - Singapore

Today, I found out that my brother was selling pictures of me showering. For what? World of Warcraft money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 822

You deserved it 4 863

By OH COME ON - 29/12/2011 15:48 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend on the way to the hospital to tell him I needed stitches, after my brother's dog bit me on the breast. His response? "Pics or it didn't happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 776

You deserved it 5 562

By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 11:54 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 324

You deserved it 8 665

By fluke - 19/09/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a teenage boy from entering the woman's bathroom. When he argued with me I had him thrown out. Turns out, according to their parents and driver's license, it was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 840

You deserved it 46 021

By Capteen - 22/04/2012 12:17 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy

Today, I found out the bed I sleep in is the bed I was conceived in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 433

You deserved it 3 724

Capteen_fml tells us more.

Capteen_fml 9

Sunday 22 April 2012 17:21

OP here! I definitely have a new mattress, and the frames been well cleaned as it was in storage for a while. To the people saying get over it - I'm not upset or creeped out too much, I just thought it was FML worthy. And no, I have no intention of 'repeating the cycle' to my children as such - I need to finish my studies before even considering children!

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The Top

The Top

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 514

You deserved it 4 646

Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 871

You deserved it 13 904

Today, I had my 7 month check up for my pregnancy. The nurse weighed me and said, "I see you've gotten into the Halloween candy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 673

You deserved it 3 973

Today, I ordered food at McDonald's. I'm on crutches, and a guy offered to carry my tray to the table. He rushed out with my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 503

You deserved it 3 610

Today, I was on a date with a girl I've had feelings for since I was 14 (I'm 22). I took her out to dinner, then to a movie that we both liked and had a few drinks afterwards. I thought it was going really well until I was driving her home and she asked to be dropped off at her boyfriend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 241

You deserved it 6 602

Today, my boyfriend met my brother. They're both over 6 foot, and big. They glared at each other like they were about to start a fight, then out of nowhere shook hands, hugged while laughing like lunatics, and have been besties all afternoon. Why are gym bros such weird idiots? FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 443