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By fail - 05/12/2010 06:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years called me on Skype while he was taking a crap. Think it's a sign that maybe we've been dating for too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 278

You deserved it 5 858

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 22:16 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually tried to justify his cheating by saying it doesn't count as cheating if the girl's bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 663

You deserved it 3 124

It's just a prank, bro

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my coworkers glued pairs of different sized googly eyes all over my office equipment, seconds before an important client arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 347

You deserved it 4 218

By holler - 15/09/2011 04:22 - Japan

Today, I had my parents over at my new apartment. As I was telling them how quiet and peaceful my new place is, we could hear my neighbors talking nasty to each other before launching into a full-blown sex ordeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 229

You deserved it 3 168

By stolen-car - 26/06/2012 02:55 - United States - Columbia

Today, I finally got enough money to buy the car I wanted for a year now. It was stolen today too. I had my car for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 713

You deserved it 2 659

By beautyschool22 - 11/06/2012 23:39 - United States

Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several years. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, "Doesn't look like you've learned much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 585

You deserved it 3 288

By Anonymous - 24/08/2015 18:08 - United States - East Northport

Today, I was unaware that me losing my virginity was also breakup sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 166

You deserved it 3 242

By dannidoll93 - 22/08/2015 14:59 - United Kingdom - Padiham

Today, I came home from a stay at my girlfriend's place. My little brother stepped on my bag and accidentally switched my vibrator on. I told him the buzzing sound was my electric toothbrush. He went to the bathroom and came back with the toothbrush. He won't stop asking what's in my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 214

You deserved it 5 603

dannidoll93 tells us more.

dannidoll93 24

Sunday 23 August 2015 16:52

OP here, clearing a few things up. This actually happened a couple of years ago before I moved out but thought it would make a fun FML. The girlfriend and I are both female. I had unpacked the rest of my bag (including my toothbrush) when I got home but was waiting until everyone had cleared out of my room to put the vibrator away. :) I just did my best to avoid his questions until he forgot! I'm enjoying all the comments :D

By Anonymous - 20/06/2015 01:22 - United States

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 903

You deserved it 14 241

By Katherine - 13/02/2012 21:23 - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend about how many germs live on the average cell phone. My five year old son apparently overheard me talking, and decided to give my cell phone a bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 638

You deserved it 6 516

Attempted romance

By ItRainedOutside - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, after three years with my dream girl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit and everything, by the park bench where we had our first kiss. She came home tired and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 932

You deserved it 5 542

By holycrap - 03/03/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 891

You deserved it 2 808

By Anonymous - 14/12/2012 00:51 - Australia - Kew

Today, I saw a photo on Instagram of my friend flipping the camera the bird. She'd tagged it under "irony", so I jokingly suggested that she borrow a dictionary. She responded with a tirade of abuse, claimed to be sleeping with my boyfriend, and blocked me an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 586

You deserved it 3 727

Alexa, play "Five Years" by David Bowie

By elle - 19/11/2013 17:31 - United States - Round Lake

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. After telling her everything I'm going through, she looked at me and said "You know… every five years or so I get a case completely beyond my ability to help." I guess it's been five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 586

You deserved it 3 398

By Vgameboi - 15/02/2010 03:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was showing off pictures of me to co-workers. It wasn't until later that he said, "Don't worry, they were old pictures, from when you were hot." They were from four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 448

You deserved it 4 286

By Anonymous - 08/11/2012 05:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 825

You deserved it 4 582

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 115

You deserved it 8 782

Pooped out

By jmitch1209 - 28/01/2010 17:55 - United States

Today, I was potty-training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then peed and pooped on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 974

You deserved it 3 880

By bargainshopper - 16/10/2012 11:28 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 811

You deserved it 12 913

By Anonymous - 28/09/2011 16:30 - United States

Today, while at work in the service department of a car dealership, I sat in the driver seat of an old man's car to get the mileage. He'd just pissed in the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 472

You deserved it 2 654

Like a house on fire

By PerturbedStudent - 09/12/2015 23:42 - United States - Keller

Today, I finally received my first love letter. Too bad it was from the boy who lit me on fire two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 671

You deserved it 1 661

By Anonymous - 15/07/2013 04:23 - United States - Clarks Summit

Today, I had an allergy test. Not only was I allergic to 35 out of the 40 items, they also found out that I'm allergic to the latex gloves my doctor happened to be wearing. Now my entire back is covered in a rash that will last at least another week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 011

You deserved it 3 223

By cherbear1000 - 17/06/2013 04:33 - United States - Nottingham

Today, my daughter had ice cream while I was napping. She didn't want me to know so she put the bowl in the trashcan and put the spoon in the garbage disposal and turned it on, because she thought it would make the spoon disappear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 851

You deserved it 5 735

By photoman - 14/07/2014 09:31 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was informed by a laughing friend, that my phone must be taking and uploading photos to Google+. Among numerous black shots, there is a particularly nice one of me while I'm sitting on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 806

You deserved it 6 094

By Anonymous - 04/11/2009 20:39 - United States

Today, I got a well paying job that requires me to drive around and present a product to potential customers. After going out for a victory meal with friends, I came home to find my car broken into, and my GPS stolen. I need it for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 351

You deserved it 4 400

Speed racer

By ZThirteen - 25/10/2009 10:08 - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket. My speedometer got busted a few weeks back, rendering it useless. My father, a former mechanic, decided it's not worth the trouble of going in and fixing it. "Just keep with traffic when you're on the highway; you'll be fine." This $150 fee says otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 167

You deserved it 28 810

Brain bleach please

By unashamed - 05/06/2014 08:11 - Australia - Ipswich

Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 357

You deserved it 4 774

By FoodNeeded - 25/08/2016 02:24 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, for breakfast, I made a butter sandwich. I'm that broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 582

You deserved it 2 057

Thoughts and prayers

By GeoKid - 18/03/2013 03:09 - Canada

Today, after six months of writing a 40 page paper criticizing a famous method, I found out the professor who conceived it has transferred to my favorite college to head the department I'm applying to study in. They require I submit the paper with my application. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 201

You deserved it 4 951

Revenge is sweet

By Anonymous - 09/06/2015 20:52 - Ireland

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 754

You deserved it 2 844

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The Top

Today, I got ready to stay over at my boyfriend's house. I brought food, new lingerie, and I got a bikini wax. I did stay overnight, but I was holding a bucket for him because he had gastroenteritis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 722

You deserved it 2 874

Today, my parents came to visit me at the ranch I work at. They're scared to death of horses, but I was explaining how they are almost completely harmless. I was showing them how to work around the horse without getting kicked. As they relaxed, the horse kicked me. I now have a broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 893

You deserved it 9 256

Today, I had to give advice to my best friend and love of my life. What kind of advice? What to wear while on a date with some guy. We're roommates, and she wouldn't stop telling me about everything when she got home. This happens on a regular basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 996

Today, I was called a wimp for getting a sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 154

Today, I got broken up with over text/phone after dating for 3 months (I thought he was the one), all because his parents want him to marry "his own kind." He told me because of that there was no future and he would just be wasting my time. It's a stupid reason, and he's a coward. Here I am crying over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 195

Today, it's been three years that I've worked as a waitress at a fine local restaurant. I like the work and it felt special when a regular customer, with my permission, hugged and complimented me, and said, "I appreciate you, 'Anna the Cool'. Thanks for helping to make this my fave restaurant." If only my friends were this nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 97