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By Dreadge - 15/01/2010 19:37 - Israel

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. A couple of cute girls started talking to me, telling me how much they liked my dreads. Seeing this, my mother stepped up next to me, patted me on the shoulder, and said, "This here is my little baby, treat him nicely!" Thanks, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 845

You deserved it 4 603

By indiansbaseball4 - 14/01/2010 08:27 - United States

Today, while at a bar a woman of about 40 came up to me and asked me to dance, and being only 20 I thought I had met the perfect "cougar" for a one night stand. After a few up-beat dances, a slower song came on and we continued to dance. She started sobbing and claimed I was the son she never had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 13 021

indiansbaseball4 tells us more.

indiansbaseball4 0

Friday 15 January 2010 3:53

In Texas there are TONS of bars that are 18+....for all of you that claim it has been on a show, that's your own prerogative and you might need to get out more and quit watching so much TV. Just sayin'....BUT what's so bad about trying to experience an older woman while I'm still young enough to do something about it?? haha. Bad thing about the whole deal was, I never made a move on her other than dancing and I wasn't even looking at her when she started sobbing out of control! After the comment I bought her a drink, and never even glanced her way again. FYI, while I don't have a "fake," I use my brothers I.D., so as far as the bars are concerned, I'm 25..good call synchroskater

By drugsforthugs - 18/11/2014 17:26 - United States - Sierra Madre

Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 323

You deserved it 4 451

By lostlove - 01/10/2011 02:57 - United States

Today, I was trying to find my first message on Facebook. As I was reaching the bottom, I saw a message from my old crush. It contained a paragraph confessing her love for me and asking me to write back. Don't know how I missed that one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 219

You deserved it 7 816

By spandexwiener - 18/08/2012 16:27 - United States - Export

Today, I finally finished my summer assignments for three AP classes. My schedule also arrived. Turns out my school can't place me in any of them, and I just wasted the last four weeks of my summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 118

You deserved it 2 357

By Mc2013 - 12/10/2014 17:38 - United States

Today, my morning sickness got so bad that, while at the grocery store, I had to throw up in my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 987

You deserved it 4 225

By Anonymous - 29/06/2013 14:57 - United States

Today, I've come to the conclusion that my phone addiction is getting out of control after I typed my PIN code into the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 632

You deserved it 39 846

Hey good lookin'

By Sovekipisse - 15/06/2013 22:24 - France - Arthon-en-retz

Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 607

You deserved it 4 198

Highly inappropriate

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 22:15 - United States - Lehi

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 076

You deserved it 3 760

By anonymous - 09/05/2013 00:07 - United States - Casper

Today, I let my dad put my dollar in the slot machine for me because I'm not old enough to gamble. I won $200 but he kept it because he "put the dollar in the slot machine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 638

You deserved it 10 318

Kids will be kids

By littlebigbrother - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Japan

Today, we got a call that my brother stuck a rock up his nose and couldn't get it out. My mom had to pick him up and take him to the hospital. My brother is 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 019

You deserved it 2 222

Felt cute

By dieana - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Lacombe

Today, I actually uttered the words, "Those are my good sweatpants." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 341

You deserved it 9 715

By milkymoo - 30/05/2011 01:45 - Cyprus

Today, I was catching the bus to my new job. While waiting at the lights, I decided to play the staring game and ended up staring at a woman in the car next to the bus for ages, really creeping her out. It turns out she's my new boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 625

You deserved it 49 979

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 02:47 - United States - New Haven

Today, the new manager at my workplace left early in a panic, exclaiming, "My grandma had an accident! I need to see if she's okay!" I was left in charge of the bar once again. This is the sixth time this week his grandma has had an "accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 208

You deserved it 2 671

By Anonymous - 01/02/2013 22:13 - Romania - Cluj-napoca

Today, I asked my bosses for three weeks off in July to go on a much-needed vacation. Their response was to fire me on the spot. My bosses are my aunt and uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 210

You deserved it 4 053

Stumped

By walkingdictionary - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 758

You deserved it 37 228

By deadhammy - 11/01/2013 07:09 - United States - San Diego

Today, my hamster died. It climbed out of its cage and jumped off my dresser. Looking for condolences, I told my mom who replied, "If I lived in your room, I would have done it earlier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 139

You deserved it 8 198

Quick, hide!

By Mattyboy - 24/08/2009 09:57 - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 003

You deserved it 18 688

By thanksjerk - 11/08/2009 05:01 - Canada

Today, I was talking with my friend-turned boyfriend and cutely told him that I could no longer remember all the things that he used to do that bothered me. He told me he could remember every one of mine and listed them all off for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 012

You deserved it 41 469

By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 08:44 - United States

Today, my favorite fish died. To make things better my parents thought to take me out to dinner. We ate sushi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 611

You deserved it 6 649

Still better than the Emoji movie

By probablydodgedabullet - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Wollongong

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a text message consisting solely of emoticons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 338

You deserved it 4 732

By Quasimodo - 18/10/2013 12:40 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, I was pushed off of a glacier by a very angry tourist. Why? I work as a glacier guide, and apparently some people find it overly frustrating to be informed that there isn't a café on the glacier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 406

You deserved it 3 091

By Lola - 26/12/2008 06:32 - France

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 542

You deserved it 18 977

By Bob - 20/06/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, while teaching at a daycare, a child came up to me and asked if he could go to the bathroom. Obviously, I said it was fine. He then pulled his pants down, and pee on my brand new shoes, and all over my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 094

You deserved it 4 742

By mississippi123 - 06/08/2012 05:41 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I discovered how pathetically introverted I am when during a car ride with my family, I said, "I really like this song" and my parents gasped because they didn't realize I was in the back seat. And I'm their only child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 079

You deserved it 2 567

So, here's the thing…

By HairyBoobs - 05/11/2009 14:22 - United States

Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 440

You deserved it 6 899

See you in court

By Juliet - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Inglewood

Today, my Romeo and Juliet style relationship hit an all time low when my boyfriend's parents filed a lawsuit against my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 132

You deserved it 6 648

It like to move it move it

By Almost_Homeless - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - London

Today, my landlord started showing my apartment, where I have lived and paid rent for over 2 years, to prospective tenants. I didn't realize that I was moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 435

You deserved it 3 475

The big con

By JustOutofCollegeAndBroke - 16/07/2015 06:56 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I agreed to help out with my boyfriend's sister's baby shower. They forgot to inform me that "helping" meant splitting the cost of everything. I now owe his family $275. I don't know how to back out without looking cheap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 760

You deserved it 2 656

No fun allowed

By but cum to think of it... - 03/07/2015 21:29

Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 410

You deserved it 2 301

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The Top

Today, I was following my friend to her house in my car, because I didn't know where it was. I'd been following her for at least an hour when she pulled into a gas station. Turns out I'd been following the wrong car. I have no idea where I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 846

You deserved it 10 677

Today, I was at a local restaurant. The girl that I like walked by so I tried to give her a high five. My hand ended up on her boob instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 420

You deserved it 18 028

Today, I was changing my shirt in the bathroom when I dropped it. It fell on my foot, so I decided to flip it up with my foot instead of bending down to get it. I flipped it, and it landed in the toilet. Which somebody had not flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 353

You deserved it 35 680

Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 996

You deserved it 229

Today, even though I was very clear before I went on holiday that I was going completely zero contact to de-stress, my mother rang at least twice a day. When I stopped answering the phone, she found the direct number of the local police station in a foreign country and sent them to find me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 116

Today, I found out that the reason all my former friends believed a bunch of rumors about me was because the person they were hearing them from was my former roommate. For two years I wondered why they didn't just ask me, now I know it's because they thought if anyone would know the truth, it would be her. UGH. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 80