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By Anonymous - 21/07/2015 17:50 - India - Bangalore

Today, I was trying to work out, and couldn't even complete an exercise regime meant for 50-year-olds. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 927

You deserved it 8 298

By Garrett - 01/10/2009 05:58 - United States

Today, I was on my computer when the girl that I really like instant-messages me. I went to type back, accidentally pressed control-V, and posted an entire article on how to remove genital warts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 023

You deserved it 46 596

By Fabio - 29/07/2016 00:13 - Malta - Piet?

Today, my girlfriend started insulting me on Facebook. Angry and hurt, I let it all out and insulted her back with her obesity. Turns out it was her brother who used her account to play a "prank" on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 998

You deserved it 20 066

By Username - 21/03/2012 17:10 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 424

You deserved it 2 349

Dream Baby Dream

By Sleepless - 03/02/2014 13:29 - Australia

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 005

You deserved it 4 291

By M.L. - 06/09/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 497

You deserved it 12 807

By Anonymous - 03/10/2012 08:24 - United States

Today, after complaining that I had nothing to write about in my weekly journal for college, my professor suggested in front of everyone that I should get a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 932

You deserved it 6 742

Slipping up

By FastFlight - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my daughter used Pledge to clean the wooden staircase. I found out when I tried to walk down them in socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 797

You deserved it 5 153

A step too far

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 02:23 - United States

Today, one my friends died. All my crying gave me a headache, so I asked my boyfriend to bring me some aspirin. My headache didn't go away. Instead, I got diarrhea because my boyfriend gave me laxatives instead of aspirin as a "joke" to cheer me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 037

You deserved it 4 403

Handy

By Employee - 07/08/2012 19:17 - United States - Lincoln

Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 457

You deserved it 12 628

By gng2fckngkilluyoufckngfckr - 03/08/2012 18:31 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. I also found out that my best friend knew about it all along. When I confronted him, he tried to justify the betrayal by saying that she paid him to keep quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 502

You deserved it 2 005

Things that go bump in the… parking lot

By Lousydriver - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was about to drive out of a parking lot. The space in front of me was empty, so I figured I could drive forward. I hadn't noticed that there was a median in front, and my car got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 415

You deserved it 31 979

By Anonymous - 15/08/2014 15:22 - China - Shanghai

Spicy

Today, my husband wanted me to take a sleeping pill before having sex with me. Apparently I'm better in bed while half-asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 292

You deserved it 6 502

By not as easy as pie - 16/10/2015 16:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to explain to a police officer that I wasn't drunk and had swerved because I was eating pie and almost dropped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 241

You deserved it 21 389

By smartgirl - 01/05/2009 23:48 - Canada

Today, at the awards ceremony at my school, I ended up winning the top achievement award in my grade. The principal spent at least ten minutes talking about my success to the audience, the whole time referring to me as a "he" as I stood right next to him. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 597

You deserved it 5 497

Thanks, I guess…

By Gabrielguitar - 25/04/2009 14:23 - United States

Today, it was my birthday and everyone in the office chipped in to buy me a card, and nothing but a card. It had a pre-written message on it and a space to write "Love, *insert name*" where everyone signed their names. The "Love" was crossed out and replaced with "From". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 912

You deserved it 5 328

By shatMyself - 22/04/2013 19:10 - United States

Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 508

You deserved it 3 431

Smooth

By HungryGirl - 24/10/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I went to McDonald's to get breakfast. I sat my food down at a table and went to get some napkins and a straw. I returned to the table to find that my food was gone, and could hear nothing but "SUCKKAAAA" trailing from the entrance to the restaurant. Some jerk stole my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 552

You deserved it 9 814

By sdk2010 - 06/03/2012 17:05 - Canada

Today, I was fired from my job. My boss claimed it was because I smelled like alcohol, never mind the fact that my job was brewmaster at a beer company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 529

You deserved it 2 272

By Rach - 08/06/2010 14:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 711

You deserved it 4 397

By Well... fuck me sideways and call me Eustace - 31/01/2013 11:34 - United States - Riverside

Today, on my way to work, I hit a pothole about the size of Alabama, bending my wheel and flattening my tire. After changing it and having to explain myself to my furious boss, I went back on that road in my other car to take a picture of the pothole. While looking for it, I hit it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 523

You deserved it 42 311

By Noname - 20/02/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 439

You deserved it 125 099

By muffinmen1022 - 20/02/2009 05:27 - United States

Today, I went to Macy's to go shopping, I was wearing a shirt and tie and dressed nicely. Customers came up to me with questions, but I just ignored them. Minutes later, thinking I was an employee, the manager came and yelled at me, and threatened to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 470

You deserved it 11 834

By caseyj - 25/03/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party. A half hour in, a girl started showing me pictures of her cat. That was the high point of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 167

You deserved it 4 774

Take that

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 00:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when I saw my cheating ex-wife walking down the road. Out of anger, I spat my gum at her. I forgot that my helmet's visor was still down, so when I spat, the gum stuck against it. I was temporarily blinded and I crashed into some bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 155

You deserved it 77 758

By This guy - 21/02/2016 02:53 - United States - Jackson

Today, my teacher gave me a 0% on my personal narrative in my writing class. His only comment on the whole paper was, "Too long, didn't read." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 044

You deserved it 2 570

Quiet

By Deborah - 27/10/2011 06:41 - United States

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 870

You deserved it 40 597

By Anonymous - 30/12/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, my doctor told me my ankle has been fractured since last week. I've been helping drywall the basement, and trying to walk up and down stairs for a week. My husband has been telling me to man up, and it's not that bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 274

You deserved it 3 611

atomicgirl tells us more.

atomicgirl 0

Thursday 31 December 2009 21:04

OMG! I am the person who posted it! My husband isn't an asshole! Well not ususally! LOL We went to the doctors immediately when i did it and they thought it was just a sprain. I could NOT walk on it for 4 days, and the results just came back yesterday. I was helping around the house, but I was limping. He was making fun of me because he thought it was just a sprain. Yes, I make him sandwiches! And he makes me them too! I have a picture if you want to see it, so you'll know I'm not faking!!!!

By grubbieduc - 06/10/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 587

You deserved it 2 784

By zzarzzur - 29/12/2015 09:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I installed motion sensor lights in my house to save on energy. When I laid down in bed, I saw the lights turn on from downstairs to the kitchen. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 860

You deserved it 1 870

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Today, my son was crying because he wanted his daddy, and he asked when he can see him. I had no idea what to say, given his dad left us in the middle of the night last year, now lives in another country, and told me he never wants to see us again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 164

You deserved it 1 675

Today, I dropped a pizza I made. Don't worry though, I caught it between my hands and legs. I no longer have fingerprints on my right hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 725

You deserved it 2 032

Today, I'm in the process of adopting a child. When I called my mom to tell her the news, she just said, "Oh honey, don't adopt, it's the worst decision you'll ever make." I'm adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 216

You deserved it 3 387

Today, I went to the grocery store with my mom's boyfriend. We were in the bread aisle when he picked up a loaf that was in my hand, and said, "No, no, you have to FEEL the bread," and started rubbing it all over his body. He's moving in next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 065

You deserved it 3 522

Today, my boyfriend accidentally called me from his pocket. I thought it would be funny to see what him and his friends were talking about. I laughed when I heard him talking about us fooling around until I realized it wasn't me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 355

You deserved it 3 639

Today, my ex showed up at my door with chocolates and flowers. I've liked him since I was 13, starting dating him when I was 15. He proposed when I was 22. I am now 24, and yesterday was our wedding day. He didn't show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 348

You deserved it 4 242