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By kilamo80 - 27/07/2013 09:26 - United States - Clarkston

Today, I found out why we've had to replace 3 washing machines this year. My sister thinks that "huge capacity" means "load the washing machine until no more clothes will fit." It blows the motor every time. She's 31. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 497

You deserved it 4 173

By anonymous - 17/07/2012 04:54 - Canada - Boucherville

Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 816

You deserved it 2 184

By anonymous - 11/08/2010 19:19 - Canada

Today, after saving up my money for weeks, I went to see my favorite artist in concert with my friends. Two songs in, I passed out, hit my head, and had to have someone drive me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 962

You deserved it 7 266

By Kyle - 10/05/2011 10:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I searched frantically for my glasses for ages. After giving up, I realised I could see perfectly. I had been wearing them the whole time and neither my mother nor my father told me because "it was far too funny" watching me yell "Where the fuck are they?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 000

You deserved it 47 006

By ghost? - 16/12/2012 08:31 - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't spend the day with me as he had his grandmother's funeral. Lonely, I went shopping and I bumped into his mum having lunch with his 'dead' grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 595

You deserved it 2 947

It wasn't me!

By Anonymous - 15/03/2015 18:40 - United States - Charleston

Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 901

You deserved it 2 732

By I don't know, son - 16/11/2013 01:53 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 869

You deserved it 4 787

By xetsa - 13/02/2010 05:23 - France

Today, I realized for the last year that my husband has been home from Iraq, I haven't gotten more than a few hours of sleep at night. Not because he gets nightmares, but because he now snores so loud that the pets sleep at the other end of the house to get rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 744

You deserved it 3 236

The Lady in Red

By Anonymous - 08/06/2009 01:36 - United States

Today, I was at a party. The music changed to a slow dance. Everybody grabbed a partner and I was left on the dancefloor alone. Suddenly, this guy walked up to me. I swore that he was going to ask me to dance. He then said, "Could you hold me my drink?" and went to dance with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 222

You deserved it 3 922

By Foreverathome - 28/09/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, after months of telling my parents I was going to live on my own, I finally moved out. Not even 24 hours being out of their house, some reject burned down the apartment complex I live in. Guess who's moving back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 943

You deserved it 2 581

By concertqueen - 27/08/2011 22:40 - United States

Today, I went to a concert. The music was great, but the drunk guys behind me made it hard to pay attention. Half way through the second act, one of them took it upon themselves to start peeing on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 562

You deserved it 2 768

By Granmacathy - 29/11/2009 07:13 - United States

Today, my grandson asked how old I am and whether I'd seen Mammoths "for real" when I was a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 109

You deserved it 4 519

Wrong end of the stick

By Matt - 03/06/2012 14:21 - Australia - Tyabb

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to break up with her. It was a hard decision and both of us became quite emotionally overwhelmed at the time. We began to hug as a final goodbye, then her mum burst in the room and yelled, "HE FINALLY PROPOSED!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 908

You deserved it 3 864

By JohnFarrell - 24/04/2009 17:20 - United States

Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 530

You deserved it 66 064

Help!

By LtlCheeseburger - 31/05/2012 18:15 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I was shopping, and tried on a skirt that was a size smaller than usual, thinking that I would fit in. Not only did it not fit, neither I nor the sales assistant could get it off me, because the zip got stuck. She had to cut me out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 524

You deserved it 29 491

By ToddlersWife - 15/06/2014 11:10 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my husband and I got into an argument over him not brushing his teeth. It ended with him snapping his toothbrush in half. He's 52. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 312

You deserved it 6 102

Life imitates life

By Anonymous - 20/08/2015 17:48 - United Kingdom - Glenrothes

Today, my boss bitched me out for violating workplace privacy, after he found an FML post from last year that eerily resembled a situation that happened the same year. He thought I posted it and twisted things to make him look like an idiot. I've never posted here in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 190

You deserved it 2 584

By Anonymous - 02/04/2013 07:24 - United States - Duncannon

Today, the McDonald's in my town ran out of fries. I was the one who had to tell all the angry customers we had no more fries in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 415

You deserved it 3 996

Soundtrack

By Mortifiedcharityworker - 01/05/2014 20:10 - Austria

Today, I didn't pay enough attention while sending a music file to be used in a powerful video my class-mates and I made about the Syrian civil war. Instead of a moving classical track, viewers were shown graphic scenes of devastation to the tune of Gangnam Style. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 367

You deserved it 38 732

By sh3lbst3r - 14/03/2014 22:59 - Australia - Epping

Today, I had to explain to my neighbours that I wasn't "watching porn" earlier, and that I was honestly just watching an episode of Game of Thrones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 737

You deserved it 5 447

sh3lbst3r tells us more.

sh3lbst3r 8

Saturday 15 March 2014 17:11

The only reason they could hear it was because my apartment has pretty thin walls and I was doing dishes, watching it on my laptop beside me. The volume was cranked so I could hear it and of course that suuuuper long scene with Little Finger and the two girls came on -_- They were good about the whole thing and laughed it off and I promised to turn it down.

By IHeartBlueJay - 08/02/2013 05:31 - United States

Today, I had my gallbladder removed. I have a very painful incision in my belly that makes any kind of movement excruciating. I've had the hiccups 5 times so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 542

You deserved it 2 401

IHeartBlueJay tells us more.

IHeartBlueJay 14

Friday 8 February 2013 17:07

Yeah they did it laparoscopically. And any kind of major surgery is going to be painful, but having it done laparoscopically is much, much better than an open incision! Try not to worry, it's a very safe surgery and they'll take good care of you :)

By vey - 08/02/2014 22:14 - China - Beijing

Today, and for the third time this week, I found a pubic hair in my soup. I'm currently bed-ridden and can't afford to piss off my boyfriend by complaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 802

You deserved it 5 256

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 17:41 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 449

You deserved it 10 087

By WayTooMuchFacebook - 04/02/2012 05:07 - United States

Today, I read some funny scribblings on a wall in the bathroom stall. My first instinct was to "Like" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 138

You deserved it 33 547

Bubbles

By soapgirl - 13/08/2009 16:07 - Philippines

Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 437

You deserved it 65 081

Cheers

By toastynippies - 24/02/2015 19:32 - United States

Today, my mom sent me a picture of a blank piece of paper, saying it was a drawing of all the people who wanted to date me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 284

You deserved it 3 229

By thanksad - 23/08/2013 01:38 - United States - Cerritos

Today, my 50-year-old dad was in a foul mood after taking an online test that put him in Slytherin house instead of Ravenclaw where he "belongs" because he's "so smart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 434

You deserved it 3 702

By Crash - 10/09/2014 20:15 - United States - Hicksville

Today, I took my daughter out driving to practice for her road test. I told her to make a left into a parking lot. She missed the 30-foot wide entrance, but not the two-foot wide tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 869

You deserved it 4 055

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 04:12 - Australia

Today, I started a new job. The supervisor handed me a badge with the name 'Rachel' on it, which is not my name. When I told her this, she responded with, "I know, but it will be easier for the customers to pronounce than your actual name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 600

You deserved it 3 867

By jeremyj - 10/06/2012 00:24 - United States

Today, is the third day since I opened my small coffee shop. My parents had given me a nice frame to put my first dollar from working in. I had to sneak in a dollar from my own wallet so they wouldn't know how bad business was when they came to visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 269

You deserved it 2 843

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The Top

The Top

Today, I went to the gun range for a birthday and got shot in the foot by my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 492

You deserved it 4 454

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 835

You deserved it 9 624

Today, I finally met the cute guy I've been seeing around town. Bad news is, I was drunk off my ass, and when he told me his name, I burst out laughing because it's the same as my puppy's. He did not take it well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 345

You deserved it 37 357

Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 657

You deserved it 2 882

Today, after watching my roommate and her boyfriend be all lovey dovey for months, I now have to watch two of our other friends flirting as well. I'm painfully single and have been struggling to change that for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 233

Today, the person I was seeing dumped me over text because I “cared too much” and it gave them anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 131