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By Anonymous - 30/05/2013 03:55 - United States - Redlands

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 809

You deserved it 9 837

By moonstone15 - 06/08/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 242

You deserved it 4 255

No, just no

By misterhippo - 22/04/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, I texted the hottest girl in the school saying, "I really like you, we should date". She responded with a text saying, "Sorry, I'm not into you." I then got a text saying, "Sorry, my brother stole my phone, and answered, but still it's no". I got rejected twice. Once by a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 007

You deserved it 12 304

By dani - 25/03/2014 03:39 - United States - Dayton

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 058

You deserved it 13 636

By zetuga - 01/04/2015 07:40 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, my girlfriend asked me to take my belt off as the buckle was hurting her leg. I didn't have a belt on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 527

You deserved it 5 363

By Anonymous - 05/03/2015 02:05

Today, my neighbor at my apartment building told me water from my sink was leaking into his apartment. He told me to call maintenance to fix it, but they won't help unless he calls. He refuses to, and I can't do my dishes without feeling like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 358

You deserved it 3 036

By haileyjunkin - 22/11/2011 17:53

Today, I got hit in the face at a dodge-ball tournament. My entire mouth was bloody. The sad thing is, I wasn't even playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 664

You deserved it 3 311

Make it stop

By Anonymous - 22/09/2013 11:36 - United States - Big Pine Key

Today, for the fifth day in a row, I have awoken at 6 a.m. to the sounds of my roommate's guest's child screaming. If it's anything like the last four days, the child will continue to randomly screech every fifteen minutes or so for the next five hours. I work 13-hour night shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 050

You deserved it 2 765

By M_Kclift1994 - 20/01/2010 23:19 - United States

Today, I fell asleep after finishing my exam. I had a dream I was falling and woke up smashing my face on the desk. Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 730

You deserved it 8 493

First and last time

By pixie09 - 08/11/2010 20:43 - United States

Today, I got sentenced to 20 hours community service for having a boy in my room an hour after floor hours. If I don't do the community service, I could get kicked out of the dorm and put on probation at my college. We were breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 475

You deserved it 11 659

By lindsey789 - 07/10/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my room watching TV when I heard my mother obnoxiously yelling for the dog. Minutes later she stomped into my room, swatted me over the head, and yelled at me for not answering when she called. She actually got my name mixed up with the dog's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 821

You deserved it 3 041

By Anonymous - 11/05/2014 22:49 - United States - Belmont

Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 367

You deserved it 5 437

By ifmlftw - 22/06/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, I was sitting next to a lady on an airplane who was very overweight. She fell asleep on me, and violently bled from her nose upon take off and landing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 135

You deserved it 3 064

By Noname - 14/03/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 970

You deserved it 11 797

Own goal

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 18:58 - United States

Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie and I was determined to score on her. When I finally got my chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post and it bounced back and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 893

You deserved it 8 911

By Lavalise - 05/11/2011 07:11 - France

Today, on the subway, a woman got off without her suitcase. I grabbed the case, chased her onto the platform, and shouted, "You forgot your suitcase!" while the doors closed behind me. In actual fact, it wasn't her suitcase, and its actual owner was still on the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 790

You deserved it 11 895

By thebrokentardis - 22/09/2014 06:45 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 680

You deserved it 5 308

By ChampionshipVinyl - 18/04/2012 06:57 - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "smash hit record" took on a whole new meaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 531

You deserved it 2 909

By Eimii - 06/10/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, my 70 year-old coworker gave me a letter telling me he was attracted to me, and wishes to have a relationship in which he can 'hold me in his arms every night'. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 191

You deserved it 3 315

By Username - 28/02/2012 00:37 - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 602

You deserved it 3 051

By KittKatt - 20/05/2015 05:34 - United States - Lehighton

Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 021

You deserved it 4 574

By UNmarried - 31/08/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, I found some .pdf files on my wife's computer. They were forms that had been filled out except for the date and the "reason" section. They were divorce papers. When confronted about it she said, "Well, if you piss me off really bad, I want to write down why before I calm down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 864

You deserved it 4 179

By EnemyofKarma - 04/03/2010 08:52 - Canada

Today, I marched into my workplace yelling "take this job and shove it", under the impression I would be on a flight in a few days out of here. However, the airline has informed me I cannot fly until April because cargo is too cold for my dog this time of year. Jobless, four weeks to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 280

You deserved it 37 472

Muddy

By >.> - 12/12/2013 05:31 - Canada - Chestermere

Today, my dad decided to clean his muddy shoes right beside me by clapping them together, causing mud to fly all over me. This wouldn't have been a problem had I not been wearing my white wedding dress just before getting married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 017

You deserved it 3 882

By embarassed - 08/08/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, I went for a hike with my new boyfriend on a fairly deserted trail my ex-husband had shown me awhile back. In all my hikes there, I've never seen another person and figured it would be okay to get intimate. Guess who came hiking past? That's right, my ex-husband. And our 8yr old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 115

You deserved it 73 109

By upsetandannoyed - 01/01/2012 05:41 - United States

Today, my friend set me up with a cute guy who is very germaphobic. So, I spent four hours cleaning my apartment. Two minutes into the date, I sneezed. He politely told me he wasn't feeling well and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 017

You deserved it 3 697

By bleu_noir - 14/02/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, someone at work put their used, bloodied tampon applicator back in its wrapper, and into the free tampon bin for some sucker to grab. That sucker was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 634

You deserved it 4 480

By Dante178 - 08/12/2011 20:41 - United States

Today, I went to court to file a small claim and found myself at the end of a huge line. The moment I got to the front of the line, the fire alarm went off and we all had to leave the building. The moment I got outside, the alarm stopped and everybody rushed back in. I'm at the back of the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 775

You deserved it 3 800

By itsemilyc - 02/02/2015 19:34 - United States - Byron Center

Today, my boyfriend "accidentally" had sex with my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 899

You deserved it 4 314

Lingering smells

By UptoHERE - 04/02/2010 03:18 - Canada

Today, I was on a road-trip with some of my buddies, when we stopped at a gas station. When I opened the door to their bathroom, brown water flowed out, soaking my legs up to my knees. I then spent another 2 hours in an enclosed vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 513

You deserved it 2 296

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The Top

Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 298

You deserved it 2 803

Today, I missed my bus. But it didn't miss me. I've been in the hospital for 8 hours with a broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 898

You deserved it 2 293

Today, I got screamed at, threatened, cursed, and spat on by an elderly couple for "running them off the road". I was driving an ambulance, lights and sirens on, with a 4 year old in the back who couldn't breathe. They were going 20 in a 50mph zone for 2 miles straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 367

You deserved it 2 580

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 235

You deserved it 8 343

Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 1 924

Today, my birthday was terrible yet again. This year, my boyfriend skipped celebrating with me at all. Last year, he guilt-tripped me about ‘having’ to spend time with me and got me two gift certificates that were unusable due to COVID. These weren’t even my worst birthdays to date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 210