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This is the follow up: My teacher did laugh it off but sternly told me to never do it again or I will be suspended from her class. Thanks for publishing my first FML!

Slimed

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while cuddling, my boyfriend excused himself to get a napkin. When he came back, he nervously admitted he'd got a booger in my hair. He then couldn't get it completely out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 156

You deserved it 2 842

By ashdk - 28/01/2011 09:12

Today, my fiancé and I just moved into our first apartment together. Our neighbor across the hall? My ex-boyfriend who I've had to file three separate restraining orders on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 685

You deserved it 5 685

By timor - 18/12/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, another man proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 830

You deserved it 4 883

Bye bye love

By stacyyvonne - 07/10/2011 02:53 - United States

Today, I finally found the courage to tell my drug addict husband that I'm leaving him. He sat in his chair, denying using drugs, ever. Right after he said this, he passed out and spilled hot coffee on himself. He then denied spilling the coffee. As I was leaving, he took all of my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 580

You deserved it 3 509

By GonnaBeLonley2night - 13/09/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, my husband won't talk to me because he got mad when I asked him what he thought about 'that lame performance last night'. He doesn't believe that I really was talking about football. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 291

You deserved it 8 344

By ashlan - 23/05/2014 00:54 - United States

Today, a customer left a Starbucks card in the tip jar at work. It was empty. I work at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 338

You deserved it 4 387

ashlan tells us more.

ashlan 13

Friday 23 May 2014 17:30

Yes we get tips. It adds an extra few dollars an hour. Why wouldn't we get tips? We provide a service.

Risky move

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my fiancé, the love of my life, informed me that he proposed because he was sure I'd say no. He was hoping it would lead to our breakup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 000

You deserved it 3 898

By me - 21/03/2013 10:25 - United Kingdom - Chichester

Today, I finally got to meet my boyfriend's parents; it turns out that his mum is my therapist. I've just spent an entire morning telling her how confused I am about my sexuality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 979

You deserved it 6 650

By Sir_ND_Pity - 11/03/2013 19:57 - United States - Fresno

Today, since I hadn't eaten and was about to have a three hour class, I bought Panda Express. I sat opposite my classroom to eat. Soon after I started eating, a wad of saliva dropped into my bowl, and I heard someone yell "BONUS POINTS!" from the second floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 016

You deserved it 3 551

Sir_ND_Pity tells us more.

Sir_ND_Pity 35

Tuesday 12 March 2013 1:18

I know the wording makes it a bit confusing, but, yes, someone somehow spit into my bowl from the second floor :-/ unfortunately, I didn't see who did it so I wasn't able to even so much as confront them about it. I guess you could say I'm an unfortunate cookie!

By superficialheart - 21/01/2012 11:59 - China

Today, while riding back from a weekend away with my boyfriend, we crashed his motorbike, resulting in us getting thrown over a barbed wire fence into a forest. I woke up in hospital. Apparently, in his adrenaline rush, he climbed back on his bike and continued his trip, forgetting all about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 473

You deserved it 3 268

Yeesh

By NewFiancee - 11/08/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I went out for dinner with my parents where they asked me if I was still dating my boyfriend so I answered no. They quickly responded by saying, "Oh so you finally got rid of that douchebag? It's not like he was getting anywhere in life anyways." I answered no because he's my fiancé now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 327

You deserved it 9 653

By Sheldon76 - 24/02/2015 19:43

Today, it was the day my catheter was to be removed. The nurse removing it deflated the balloon, and then tried pulling it out. After me screaming in extreme pain, she found out she hadn't actually deflated the balloon all the way. She was trying to pull a small balloon through my dick hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 355

You deserved it 2 178

Sheldon76 tells us more.

Sheldon76 16

Wednesday 25 February 2015 17:00

Well once she felt the resistance she stopped and deflated it fully. But unfortunately it had traveled some down the urethra before she realized. So I had to wait while she grabbed another syringe unfortunately.

By masterofblues - 24/07/2009 04:18 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. As everything was ending, I tried to save the relationship by telling her how much I cared about her. Her response? "Please stop. You're gonna make me feel bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 635

You deserved it 8 512