The Top

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Mother of the year

By Anonymous - 10/09/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my ex-wife brought the kids to me angry that she had tried to pick up some guy but the kids ruined it just by being there, so she brought them to my house because she couldn’t be bothered this week. The judge giving her primary custody is a travesty of our legal system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 102

But she's so wonderful…

By Anonymous - 23/02/2022 00:00

Today, my parents are so in love with my ex, they still think it’s my fault she felt unloved enough to cheat with another man. They constantly try to convince me to take her back and become stepdad to the child she conceived with the guy she cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 827

You deserved it 121

Snap out of it

By Anonymous - 17/04/2023 22:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I finally watched Everything Everywhere All at Once. All it did was make me feel deeply depressed, because I know I'm such an exceptional loser that I don't deserve for anyone to care about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 229

I should stop talking

By Anonymous - 14/04/2026 22:00 - United States - Austin

Today, while working retail, I spent 10 minutes helping a customer pick out the perfect outfit. At checkout, trying to be friendly, I said, “This will look great on you, it’s very forgiving.” He paused then said, “Forgiving of what?” I had no recovery. Just silence, a receipt, and a mortifying interaction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 593

With military bearing

By Pin Chi - 20/02/2022 14:00

Today, my sister’s son, who adores me, started calling me, “my funny uncle.” I was later informed this is also a euphemism for an uncle who molested you. I didn't know, and now he won’t stop saying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 82

By Anonymous - 29/06/2019 22:16 - United States - Winston Salem

Today, my coworker and I were discussing our office's lack of break room, and how we should suggest a picnic table for our upcoming landscaping. We concluded that someone would let their dog steal our lunches if we ate outside. Working at the vet's sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 257

The jury's out on this one

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 17:03 - United States - Fairfax

Today, I start my second week of jury duty. I was only supposed to do one week of jury duty and then go on a week of a pre-paid vacation. Instead, I’m required to go back to court this week, I’m spending my evenings doing my regular job, and I lost nearly $1,000 that I pre-paid for lodging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 152

Where would we be without GPS?

By Anonymous - 18/09/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, I followed my GPS exactly for directions to my job interview. I ended up at a petting zoo. I was too embarrassed to admit my mistake, so I pretended to pet a goat before leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 453

Doggy dog world

By Maude - 20/11/2020 11:03 - Canada - Beauharnois

Today, I was going for a relaxing walk but my dog broke free from his leash. At the same time, my 80 year-old neighbor was leaving her apartment. My dog ran inside her home and she screamed. I ended up in her bedroom, running around her bed, chasing my dog who was trying to get at her pantyhose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 263

This can't be legal, surely?

By Joe just Joe - 24/09/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, my landlord sold the apartment I’ve been renting for 10 years without telling me. I found this out when the new owners showed up at the door with boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 64

What was in the box?

By Anonymous - 29/09/2024 22:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, I got a notification that a package had been delivered. I opened my door and saw it on at doorstep. I was expecting one, so I grabbed and opened it, then realized it wasn’t mine, but my neighbor’s. I had to awkwardly re-tape it, then sneak over and leave the disturbing contents of the box on their porch before they noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 163

Productive

By Anonymous - 04/05/2023 22:00 - Sweden

Today, in an effort to actually be productive for once, I decided to clean out my closet. However, I ended up getting distracted by old photos, started crying over past relationships and dead pets, and didn't end up getting anything done whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 420

Lullaby

By Anonymous - 04/10/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and every day for the last ten days, I’ve woken up in the morning and found another new spider somewhere in my room, ten days in a row. I don’t know where the bastards are coming from but I’m seriously considering sleeping in another room, or buying a new house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 107

Sir Mix-a-Lot's mom

By MomIsJelly - 23/02/2022 04:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I noticed that my mom had been hiding all my leggings and yoga pants from me. Upon asking her, she admitted that she was jealous that my butt is bigger than hers, and that when I wear those types of pants, it's like I'm "rubbing it in". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 159

Tight git

By Anonymous - 11/05/2023 12:00

Today, my kid's dad grumbled and complained about having to help me out buying clothes for him, because he was sure he just gave me money for clothes last year. I thought it would be fairly obvious that a 4 year-old would eventually need bigger clothes to accommodate the fact they are still growing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 164

You do you, boo

By Anonymous - 06/10/2024 12:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I had to sit in silence at a restaurant table as my friends ripped into the Tesla Cybertruck and laughed about how "shit and cringe" it is. I was silent because I couldn't bring myself to defend it, even though I think they're pretty cool, and I actually want one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 784

Dreams

By Anonymous - 15/05/2026 03:00 - United States - Boise

Today, I woke up from a dream where I was talking with my Pa, who raised me, about my life. He and I drank coffee and talked and he told me everything will be OK. I will never talk with him again; he passed almost 59 years ago and I never got to say goodbye or tell him how much I loved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 77

It is what it is

By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 19:57

Today, I drunkenly admitted to a friend of five years that I've "liked" her for a long time now. She's been in a relationship with some douche for a year and a half at this point. She started crying, and when she finally stopped said, "I can forget this ever happened." FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 382

Tales of the Unexpected

By Anonymous - 06/03/2022 16:00

Today, due to some luck on my part and a really good stockbroker, I was able to retire quite comfortably at 45… at least until my wife told me she's pregnant, and as an added bonus, it’s twins. Now I need a job again, quite desperately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 526

Bad grandma

By Anonymous - 21/05/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I'm grounded for literally the whole summer because my parents found out that I was still seeing my grandma behind their backs, even though they banned her from ever seeing us again after she spanked my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 128

Word salad

By Mardy Shaber - 19/12/2020 20:02

Today, my dad was so dizzy, he couldn't get out of bed. I called his doctor but sadly I confused the word "vertigo" with "libido." The doctor may have been impressed but offered me no helpful suggestions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 420

Where everybody knows your name…

By Anonymous - 19/10/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I feel very lost. I have been in and out of psych wards so much. It's so bad, the ER nurse knows me as "the AI coder guy" and the people in the mental health wards know me by first name, and have a "welcome back" thing each time. It's so embarrassing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 153

Holiday assumptions

By Red Toad - 27/12/2020 04:59 - United States - Litchfield Park

Today, I said a few words to my mom that happened to be similar to something offensive, and she misheard. I tried to tell her, but she was so angry that she assumed I was saying more offensive things. Now she is punishing everybody in the house, and I’m not allowed to speak to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 157

8 out 10 dentists

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 02:01

Today, after having toothaches for about two years, which persisted even after I had the crack in my tooth repaired, I went to a different dentist and it turns out that the actual culprit is a hole in the neighboring tooth, which has had years to grow, unnoticed under the edge of my gums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 76

I've got a lot going on

By Anonymous - 23/10/2024 09:00 - Germany - Munich

Today, I, a fucking international student who's been here for like two weeks, ditched the end of a lecture because I had to get off in the men's bathroom, after being degraded by an ex who hates me. Instead of moving up in life, I do this stupid shit because I like being treated like entertaining garbage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 695

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 22:00

Today, a month into exercising for the first time in years to get summer body for vacation, the sudden exertion pushed back my period. If I'd sat on my ass, my period would have been on time this month, and over next month before my vacation started. I was really looking forward to period-free vacation. Not anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 225

Freak

By Anonymous - 01/06/2023 06:00 - Australia

Today, my niece came to visit from out of town. It's also the day my partner tested positive for Covid. To minimize contact, I told her I would take her to the train station while he isolates. She refused. She then spent the day sitting as close to me as possible, hoping I was a carrier. She WANTED to catch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 147

Take it seriously

By Sis in crisis - 27/10/2024 03:00 - United States - Glendale

Today, I had to temporarily block my brother from calling me because every day for the last week or two he has called me just to yell, "THEY ARE EATING THE DOGS! THEY ARE EATING THE CATS!" before hanging up. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 151

Overruled

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 22:58 - Germany

Today, I told my dogs to go to their dog beds. The small dog went onto the big one’s bed. The big dog went onto my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 267

Bureaucracy

By FuckUNISA - 25/02/2022 10:00

Today, I've counted the unanswered 29 emails and 91 calls I've made to the university. The accountant at my company submitted the wrong reference number when doing the payment to the university, and now I cannot register for the course. Every time I get a response, I'm asked for info already provided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 91

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The Top

Today, my best friend and I came home from Japan. Her boyfriend and I have been having an affair before I left so I decided not to tell him she was coming with me. We just got off the plane and got a bite to eat, he was waiting for me so he could propose, my best friend was standing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 561

You deserved it 226 260

Today, I had a one-night stand. After holding in my farts all night, as you should, I decided enough was enough and tried to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out; instead I shat myself in her bed. I was naked at the time, so was unable to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 210

You deserved it 16 925

Random

Today, I realized I can't afford to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years, as we split the rent. I'll need a second job just to get out of my bad relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 429

You deserved it 8 305

Today, I went over to my mother-in-law's house to have dinner. I was excited she invited me, since I thought she didn't like me. I ended up hanging her Christmas lights in a snowstorm while they had s'mores by the fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 486

You deserved it 4 197

Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 830

You deserved it 5 173

Today, I finally decided to get a dog. I have always been wanting to get one ever since I was a child. I bought a $1,400 Golden Retriever. I went out for lunch a few hours later with a friend, so I left my dog in the backyard. I came back home to a broken fence and no dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 875

You deserved it 64 680

Today, I said thanks to a man who got up for me in the bus. He angrily said "no, not you!". The old lady who sat down is now staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 212

You deserved it 7 993

Today, I found out by chance that my rather loose and totally decent yoga pants become completely transparent as soon I bend over and they stretch on my ass. Seriously, who designs these things? Peeping Toms?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 356