The Top

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Objectification

By Jo… - 07/04/2024 20:00 - South Africa - Paarl

Today, I love my boyfriend very much don’t get me wrong, but we’re both still young and I don't want sex yet. I thought we were on the same page, I think we still are, but last night he attempted to make me horny. He said some dirty things and I'm not into that. I have big boobs, so guys hit on me a lot, but I thought he was different. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 583

Good boy

By This may take awhile - 30/11/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, after a serious argument with my friend about how his dog seems to hate me for no reason, I decided that it's my responsibility to show his dog that I mean no harm. I started off by giving him his favorite treat. He got excited and practically inhaled it… then started barking at me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 181

It's a valid lifestyle!

By annoyed - 17/09/2021 17:00 - United States

Today, my friends and I were finally able to meet up for lunch, amidst all of our busy schedules. We had fun talking and catching up about marriage, kids and careers. One friend decided to cause a huge scene though, because apparently we didn’t take her being a stay at home “dog mom” seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 208

Insane rules

By Anonymous - 24/04/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, one of my roommates blew a fuse by running a personal heater on full overnight. I notified our landlady that I had to get a new fuse; she came over to pay me for it. Only as I heard landlady's horn did I see another roommate's girlfriend's car; she stayed overnight and isn't allowed to. Both roomies got evicted and blamed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 128

Don't mind me

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 17:01 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, my grandmother passed away recently, and I moved in with my mother to support her. My two uncles and my cousin (a technician, photographer, and a theologist) who are in a joint venture wanted to discuss business. I felt like a loser, waiting in the other room, while they sat in my Management Consultancy office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 157

There's gold to be mined

By ChristmasIsRuined - 20/12/2022 00:00

Today, I found out that my husband has been seeing another woman and my 16 year-old daughter once caught them while I was at work. She didn’t tell me about it because she was enjoying all the hush gifts, shoes, purses, and the payments for her BMW X3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 172

Put your back into it!

By Anonymous - 22/11/2025 20:00

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim he can’t eat me out because he has a short tongue, a genuine medical condition that means he can’t do it properly. Funny, because I’ve seen him use that short tongue to completely clean out a Cadbury Creme Egg before without issue. He’s now sulking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 102

Bad date #3764

By Greenpuppy416 - 04/07/2020 05:02

Today, I had a date at a formal restaurant I'm well known at. My date showed up two and a half hours late with a jogging suit on, and then got mad at me for ordering, eating, and paying without him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 860

You deserved it 159

Spineless

By Anonymous - 15/07/2020 02:01

Today, after weeks of thinking about how to ask my crush out, I finally was ready to message her on Instagram, only to find out that she unfollowed me after watching my last story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 407

I'm the main character!

By Singer - 08/01/2023 03:00

Today, I found out why my friends don’t invite me to Karaoke Thursday Nights anymore. Apparently, I act like a “show off” and “presumptuous” and make the others feel bad. It’s not my fault I have a decent singing voice. I guess they don’t like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 1 639

Go vegan!

By Anon - 28/05/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I posted in the family group chat, asking if there would be plant-based food options for the Memorial Day barbecue, since I am vegan. All they sent were laughing emojis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 876

She's a keeper

By Anonymous - 17/01/2023 04:00

Today, I had a Tinder date with a girl who lied about her age; she was 22 but had told me she was 37. She used the word “like” seven times in the same sentence and and announced she expected me to pay her entire bill. I just walked away, so she threw a waiter's tray at the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 451

You deserved it 266

No rest

By Anonymous - 30/10/2021 11:00

Today, I'd booked a day off work so I could sit and read books all day. I told my wife this, and her response was basically, "Well since you're at home not doing anything important, here’s a list of jobs that need doing." I wasn’t aware enjoying reading counted as doing nothing important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 368

Misunderstood

By Anonymous - 14/11/2021 17:00

Today, my Tinder date seemed annoyed that my offer of dinner at my house really was an offer of dinner, not easy sex. Apparently, acting like a real woman with a mind and feelings, as opposed to a hole for his penis to temporarily inhabit, completely ruined his night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 961

You deserved it 507

Infectious

By Looupyloou - 07/01/2026 12:00

Today, it's day four of liquid ass and violent hurling after I hosted a birthday party for my daughter, and one of the kids brought a stomach virus rather than a present. Yesterday my daughter started with the violent vomiting too. Everything smells like vomit in my home. Yay me! FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 81

Step-father, right?

By Marytza - 26/06/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, it's my daughter’s 18th birthday. Today is also the day that my husband told me he’s leaving me for her, and he wants a divorce. When I threatened to press charges for potentially grooming her as a minor, he told me I don’t have a leg to stand on because, “She’s been at the age of consent anyway.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 187

Apocalypse Now

By dacara6415 - 26/08/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with a kidney infection; the symptoms include nausea and having to pee every five minutes. I had to walk six miles in the pouring rain to pick up the medication, peed in the woods twice, got honked at while throwing up on the road, and my boyfriend told me not to complain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 062

You deserved it 166

Love hurts

By Sam - 27/08/2020 23:02 - Canada

Today, I was diagnosed with a condition where blood vessels in my brain spasm just before orgasm, resulting in me getting a wicked migraine that lasts for days. The only cure? No more orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 637

You deserved it 143

Genetics

By merr - 13/02/2023 16:00

Today, despite being skinny everywhere else on my body, I have a double chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 152

Birthday gift

By Anonymous - 02/02/2020 03:00 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to bring my obnoxious ex to my birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 178

You deserved it 172

SATAN!

By Anonymous - 08/12/2021 02:01

Today, my nana tried to drown my pet rat because it's white with red eyes, and red eyes mean it’s Satan in disguise, and yet my mom still refuses to admit she needs to be in a nursing home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 128

Wage slavery

By Anonymous - 10/12/2021 10:59

Today, my coworker tested positive for Covid. Here's to working 11 hours shifts for the next 10 days to help cover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 131

Stars of CCTV

By Anonymous - 04/03/2023 15:00

Today, my first kiss was caught by my mom's doorbell camera which links to her phone. She uploaded the video to Facebook, along with a soppy comment about her baby girl becoming all grown up. Most of my school has seen and commented on it already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 526

You deserved it 173

Boom boom boom

By Crotch goblins ruin everything! - 16/02/2026 20:00

Today, I got a new upstairs neighbor, a fucking breeder with three brats and a screeching newborn. They’ve barely started moving in their shit and I can hear the howls already. It’s not fair to put them in upstairs apartments above people just trying to enjoy some peace and quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 619

Mixed feelings

By What - 16/03/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, I somehow have both crippling depression and a fear of death. Please end me, but don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 130

The neverending dinner

By Anonymous - 18/03/2023 14:00

Today, I was so excited to finally try a new recipe that I found online. After hours of prep, I realized I misread the serving size and ended up cooking enough food to feed a small army. I don't have a freezer and I live in the middle of nowhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 626

Toxic positivity

By You're* a bunch of idiots - 20/03/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, my school's student council has started putting random positive messages on people's lockers. I'd like to be happy about it, but my inner Grammar Nazi is pissed because they've mixed up "your" and "you're" on so many of them. I just want to take a sharpie and correct them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 182

Malding

By Recessive Reece - 13/08/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I'm the only one in my family who doesn't need glasses and who isn't lactose intolerant. However, I'm the only one in my family rapidly balding at the age of 25. Even my grandparents on both sides have full heads of hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 85

Hail Santa

By Holidayruined - 26/12/2021 10:59

Today, my 16 year-old son had a tantrum over me asking him to clean up his room, and decided to tell my 6 year-old daughter that Santa isn't real, and that it was me who bought her presents. My daughter is inconsolable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 248

Is she Julia Stiles?

By Anonymous - 27/12/2021 07:59 - United States - Weehawken

Today, I asked a girl out. She sent me a whole list of reasons that she hated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 173

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The Top

Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 927

You deserved it 159 438

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 000

You deserved it 4 506

Random

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 744

You deserved it 1 789

Today, my husband of 3 weeks told me he doesn't want to be married anymore because I suggested getting a joint bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 853

You deserved it 4 455

Today, while working at Subway, I was about to take a guy's order. He quickly held up a hand and asked for someone else to make his sub, because he doesn't like "ugly people" touching his food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 932

You deserved it 3 848

Today, I finally met my daughter's boyfriend. He has a face tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 444

You deserved it 6 106

Today, my mom once again commented on how I need to work out. It has come to the point that I now walk around in exercise clothes and have a bottle of water/fake sweat to put on, just so she thinks I work out. This is how lazy I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 418

You deserved it 45 591

Today, I was relaxing on the sofa with the cat purring on my lap. My husband blasted an air horn. I'm now covered in cat scratches and piss, from both myself and the cat. I'm going to skin him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 92