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By nanou - 07/03/2014 00:12 - France - Paris

Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s 5 kg heavier than when I left, I decided to take a taxi. The driver yelled at me because the short journey to my place wasn’t worth his time, and told me to take the subway. Welcome to Paris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 64

Mind your own business

By Anonymous - 19/04/2022 12:00

Today, after being unable to convince my crush her boyfriend is cheating on her, I showed her footage of him kissing another woman. Turns out, not only is he not cheating, but she and him are in a polyamorous relationship with that woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 1 767

By Anonymous - 16/04/2017 14:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I overheard my parents arguing over who had to tell me that I'm adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 440

You deserved it 345

Mixtapes are my love language

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, at college, the weird guy who stares at me every day came over, said, "I've made you a mixtape," then handed me an old, empty Queen's Greatest Hits CD case and scuttled off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 027

You deserved it 274

Quality alone time

By Anonymous - 12/05/2022 06:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, my boyfriend and I are renovating his mother's house. We have some yard work to do this weekend there, where he jokingly referred to it as, “quality alone time.” To that, my smartass response was, “Quality alone time? Is your mother gonna be there?” He blew a fuse and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 336

Throw away the key

By Raged af - 17/07/2023 00:02 - United States - Miami

Today, my ex-boyfriend was granted parole, community service, and “rehabilitation” for the crime of breaking into my house, kidnapping my dog and killing her while I was at work, as retaliation for me breaking up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 120

Overreach

By AccioBucket - 12/02/2021 11:02

Today, I'm banned from the only working bathroom in my house because my mother is cleansing for an upcoming colonoscopy. My options are either a bucket in the basement, or wetting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 103

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - 21/07/2023 06:00

Today, my fiance's divorce was finalized and we went out to dinner to celebrate. I stepped away to use the bathroom, then came back to a note on the table saying, "I'm going to enjoy single life, thanks!" He left me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 564

Stressed out

By mystermoon - 25/06/2019 16:00

Today, at my job in a pet store, my boss had me pull all the bags of food out and restock them so that they sat pretty. Five minutes later, the store is full of people. My manager screamed, "They're touching things!" and locked himself in the office with a cup of tea. He has the only open register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 941

You deserved it 127

Shot from both sides

By hannah - 18/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was yelled at by multiple people at work for not wearing any makeup. The only reason I don’t wear makeup is because my mom is guaranteed to make me cry before I leave the house every morning, so there’s no point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 124

By Alex - 11/06/2019 14:30

Today, I was working at my job at a bank. A couple was waiting in the lobby, and not being busy, I asked what they needed. They told me that they were applying for a loan, so I asked if it was for something exciting. It was to pay for their 12-year-old son's burial expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 475

You deserved it 389

Stewart Lee has let himself go

By Emmmsie - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my new passport arrived, along with my expired one and its 20-year-old picture. I was comparing the photos when my husband came to look. He laughed and said, "Time is cruel." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 685

You deserved it 592

By athlete47 - 03/08/2019 14:00

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I was "changing too much." My big change was a haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 703

You deserved it 156

Losing more than I'll ever have

By Into the darkness - 30/03/2021 21:30

Today, my girlfriend left me. When she moved out, she even took the light bulbs with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 122

By Anonymous - 06/08/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that one of my subordinates, who is whiny, incompetent, undermining, the definition of passive-aggressive and stupid, was given a pay raise. She now makes more than me. My boss values a complete moron over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 704

You deserved it 293

By Anonymous - 10/08/2019 02:00 - Germany - Wuppertal

Today, my coworker keeps loudly saying things like, "Oh, now THIS!" If I don't ask, "What?" she pouts. If I do ask, she tells me, at length and with very bad grammar, how every one of our colleagues and partners is either stupid, rude or out to get her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 186

Karma

By Justwantedathankyou - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Loudon

Today, I noticed that an SUV forgot to put their gas cap back on, so I tried honking and flashing my lights to get their attention. They slammed on their brakes, causing me to rear-end them. So much for good karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 911

You deserved it 1 576

Magpie eyes

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 16:30

Today, I spent an hour making my favorite work lunches, then portioning them out so I could have them all week. I later came home to a pile of empty containers. My girlfriend said, "Sorry, I got the munchies. Also, can you please do the dishes?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 165

Dilbert 2023

By Robert Smith's Lipstick - 08/10/2023 10:00

Today, I tried impressing my colleagues by using fancy business jargon during a meeting. I ended up saying, "Let's synergize our ideation to maximize the bandwidth of our paradigm shift." Nobody had a clue what I meant, and me neither to be honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 1 337

By InnocenceBlue - 01/09/2019 22:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I finally sorted out my health insurance and went to the doctor. After seeing my X-rays and confirming I still had scoliosis, he also confirmed arthritis in both hips, 2 exploded discs and that I have "the back of a 50 year-old." I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 993

You deserved it 149

By Jim - 09/10/2017 13:00

Today, I was walking to the bus for my first day at my new school. I tripped in the darkness and split my chin open and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 371

You deserved it 282

Can't win

By Anonymous - 24/09/2019 22:00

Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 235

You deserved it 398

Poor odds

By Anonymous - 16/05/2021 08:01 - Saint Lucia - Castries

Today, I looked into my fiance's Twitter to see he follows tons of "nipslips" and adult/porn pages, even though we've had numerous fights with him making excuses as to how/why I've been "misunderstanding" past issues. At this point I've pretty much bet my life on this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 917

Different goals

By Baby bird - 23/05/2021 11:01

Today, I asked my husband if it was a good time to think about having kids. His response was, "ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NEVER." I’ve always wanted to be a mom and he knows that. I feel like I’ve wasted my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 639

Car Wash Disaster

By FML Approved - 03/11/2017 03:00

Wait for it... Wait for it... Holy crap!

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 236

By ShinyLadybird15 - 09/11/2017 01:30 - United Kingdom

Today, while shopping, I tried on a beautiful knee-length dress. It looked amazing and I decided to buy it, until the time came to take it off. A jammed zip meant 15 minutes of tugging before the manager cut me free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 564

You deserved it 351

Pentaxed

By sonja_n - 10/10/2019 14:00 - Australia - Kew

Today, I lost my balance while crossing a creek and fell in. I had my camera on me at the time. It's fried, and I don't have the $2K I need to replace it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 555

The day of reckoning

By ImFvcked - 24/11/2023 12:00

Today, I went to a friend’s Friendsgiving party with my girlfriend. When I got there, I saw my wife’s supervisor from her job. He recognized me, too. When I tried to save face saying my girlfriend was my sister, she got upset and corrected me. Way to throw me under the bus, babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 2 191

Back-seat parenting

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 14:00

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 149

By thanks dad - 04/01/2018 19:00

Today, I went bowling with my family. When my brother went up to buy a drink refill, the guy at the counter kindly refilled it for free and told him that he thought I was pretty. My dad laughed and shouted, "Pretty ugly!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 916

You deserved it 432

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Today my daughter asked me to do her a huge favor : undergo a liposuction transplantation where my fat would be sucked out then put into her butt and thighs. Apparently, I am the fattest DNA match to her, lessening the risk of her rejecting the transplant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 703

You deserved it 1 187

Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 064

You deserved it 8 990

Today, I found out why my roommate and best friend comes home late three nights a week. She goes to get drunk with some guy, then goes back to his house to hook up. Who is this guy? The guy I've been dating for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 347

You deserved it 3 108

Today, I returned home to find that my boyfriend's dog had gotten into the garbage and ripped all my used pads to shreds. There's a trail of Always tatters leading to his dog bed, and blood everywhere. My blood. Oh God. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 696

You deserved it 3 610

Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 053

You deserved it 82 033

Today, my boss fired me because someone hacked our website and replaced pictures of our products with furry porn (don’t Google it, it’s weird as fuck). We don’t have an IT department, but since I spend the most time on the computer controlling stock and purchases, he blamed me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 721

You deserved it 176