The Top

OP hear! So to clear up- It usually takes me forever to tan, and this was a yoga lesson which my teacher randomly decided to hold outside (I also got sunburned). Due to my f*cked up knees I wear braces that go from above my knees to below them. My tan line starts half way down my shin! I was also wearing an X back tanktop so clearly this was not the summer tan I longed for hahaha. Maybe it will be a new trend! Who knows in these crazy times!

It's not for everyone

By lucy ann - 30/09/2023 10:30

Today, my daughter told me she “doesn’t ever see herself getting in a relationship” and “dating just isn’t for her.” She’s 30 and has never been with anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 974

Neither a borrower nor a lender be

By Taty - 14/04/2021 14:00

Today, my friend won’t pay me back the money I lent her. I stupidly lent her $1200. She’s calling me an “inconsiderate bitch” because I “have a good paying job, I’ll be alright.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 268

Bad job

By Anonymous - 17/04/2021 23:00

Today, I confirmed that my professor hates me. Weeks ago, I failed a paper for the first time, so I went to my professor, apologized profusely, and discussed my revision plan. I got his approval on my conclusions and added all the details he suggested. I then submitted my paper. I got my grade this morning: C-. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 315

The Fear

By marie - 26/04/2021 22:59

Today, the kids in my 6 year-old daughter’s class were asked what they feared the most. My daughter’s worst fear is apparently not werewolves, sharks, monsters or clowns. Nope, it’s "Eating food I don’t like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 226

Boundaries, dude!

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 06:01

Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 537

You deserved it 243

Scotland and its leccy bills

By ScottishSteak - 27/09/2019 16:00

Today, I went to my local supermarket to get my electricity topped up. Problem is, 2 of the 3 cash machines weren't working. The third was, until I tried to withdraw cash, then nope. The supermarket only accepts cash for meter top ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 354

You deserved it 126

By Maz - 12/11/2017 15:00 - France

Today, I woke up to a red, raised, extremely itchy rash covering my whole body, face included. I have an 18-hour bus ride to look forward to this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 307

You deserved it 228

AITA? Yes.

By Anonymous - 21/12/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, after sharing my library app account with my sister for years, out of revenge for sleeping with her boyfriend, she removed the holds on all the books and audios I’ve been waiting months for. It could be half a year before I get any of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 2 406

So clever. Wow.

By Tree - 02/02/2018 19:00

Today, my boyfriend found some noise-canceling headphones that he forgot he had. Once he adjusted them and put them on, he sat down and asked me to tell him about my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 318

You deserved it 743

My dear neighbor

By Anonymous - 22/02/2020 18:00

Today, I had a very sweet and romantic love note brutally scratched into the door of my brand new car. It was addressed to Cindy. Cindy lives next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 317

You deserved it 137

Good job!

By Anonymous - 11/04/2020 20:00

Today, my husband fell asleep in the middle of a blowjob. I feel kind of insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 232

You deserved it 599

BBQ disaster

By ruined - 15/04/2020 17:00

Today, I made the most perfect prime rib of my life at an amazing medium rare. I was so distracted dyeing eggs with my kids that I didn’t notice my mom cut the meat, then deciding to shove it back into the oven as it was “too pink” for her liking. She incinerated it beyond all recognition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 281

You deserved it 361

Side piece

By Hayat Hubby - 19/11/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, my side piece told me that she’s pregnant with her husband’s baby. She refuses to break up with me, even though I'm no longer interested. She keeps crying and telling me, “It’s your fault!” I didn’t even know she was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 2 144

Comedy roast

By bad auntie! - 21/11/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, my husband and I have been teaching our son to deal with bullies using peaceful conflict resolution techniques. My younger sister however thought it’d be a good idea to teach him how to “roast” his bullies back. So far he’s made three kids cry and I have to see the principal. Thanks Sis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 768

By arrow - 30/07/2018 19:00

Today, my math teacher decided to give everyone in the class candy. He skipped me, and when another student pointed it out, his response was, "I don’t like her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 615

You deserved it 382

Sexy is in the eye of the beholder

By fatty punani - 05/06/2020 08:00

Today, my husband thinks I stopped wearing underwear to be sexy. Truth is, I’ve gained so much weight during quarantine that even my granny panties no longer fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 659

Fake mystery guy

By Anonymous - 20/06/2020 08:08

Today, I dressed cute to surprise my boyfriend of 2 years. Instead of being happy or impressed about it, he accused me of cheating and dressing up to impress a new guy he'd made up in his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 156

I'm gonna come

By Anonymous - 27/09/2021 20:00

Today, despite warning my new girlfriend I suffer from bad premature ejaculation, and should get her to orgasm first with my hand or mouth, she insisted I “just fuck her already” then she blamed me when it was over in 15 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 260

You deserved it 369

By notevencatnipworks - 27/08/2018 13:00

Today, as every day for the past three weeks, my girlfriend's cat kept us up from 3:30am crying nonstop. We've tried everything, and even exiled my well-behaved cat to keep him company. Now she cries because she feels she's being punished. Starting around 4am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 107

You deserved it 327

By Anonymous - 29/08/2018 06:00

Today, I'm on new medication that has a side effect of keeping me awake all night. Now I get to listen to my parents having sex at 2am when they think I'm fast asleep. FYI, my dad likes being spanked and being told that he's a really bad boy who needs punishment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 357

You deserved it 485

By Mr Pippin - 09/09/2018 22:00

Today, after frolicking in some long grass near a lake, my dog got back in the car smelling strongly of poop. Upon further investigation, I discovered that a sewer had overflowed in the area. My dog rolled around in human faeces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 012

You deserved it 347

So, how did it go?

By Help me - 05/01/2023 21:00

Today, it's one week until I have to attend a public speaking event that is mandatory to graduate where I live. I have severe social anxiety and even worse stage fright. Not attending the event, even with a tremendously sound excuse, will bar you from graduation. Hopefully I don't suffer a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 1 189

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 967

You deserved it 8 262

Today, my husband chose to masturbate. I'm not getting laid for the forth night in a row, because initiating sex is too hard for him. Just once, I want to not have to initiate or flat out beg for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 294

Today, I got ready for work in the dark, and it was noon before someone told me that I had one of my wife's pantyliners stuck to the back of my pants. I'd just given a presentation to 80 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 184

Today, I'd had enough of my ex-husband ignoring me and our son, so I threatened to take him to court for sole custody. He didn't even hang up the phone to his client, he just told me to go for it because our son isn't really that interesting anyway, not enough to fight to try keep him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 284

You deserved it 249

Today, my son is an idiot, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt by giving him a job as a cashier in one of my stores. Within half an hour, I was sent security footage from that store's manager showing my son on his phone, ignoring customers, picking his nose, and stealing money from the till. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 450

Today, after saving for years, I was finally ready to buy a home. I found a decent place. I put in an offer. A hedge fund bought it 7 minutes later, for cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 79