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By Farmgirl - 04/10/2017 01:30

Today, during harvest, I got out of my tractor and promptly fell down the stairs, peed my pants, and stepped ankle deep in a mud hole. I sat in wet pants for the next two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 213

You deserved it 406

Booming economy!

By ThatGuy24 - 26/09/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, it's my birthday and it would be a great day if me and my wife weren’t literally too poor to celebrate it. To make it even better, she won’t have birthday sex with me, because we live with her mom and she’s afraid of her hearing us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 964

You deserved it 436

This is us

By Anonymous - 29/05/2021 19:59

Today, my husband asked me to check his asshole to see if his haemorrhoid had grown any bigger. This is my life now, all romance gone, and having to check his hairy ringpiece every day, and our kids wonder why I drink before I can fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 482

Clipper time

By azurekitten - 07/06/2021 07:59

Today, I once again woke up to find a huge gash on the back of my foot with blood pouring out. Turns out, I scratched it with my other toenail in my sleep. This is the ninth time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 1 219

By Lindsey Taul - 23/12/2017 05:00 - United States - Granite City

Today, while driving home from work, I heard a loud crash immediately followed by the sound of wind and shifting glass over my head. My sunroof exploded for no perceptible reason 5 days before Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 239

You deserved it 309

The early bird gets the worm!

By WhatADickens - 20/01/2018 19:00

Today, after working on my novel for two years, I found out that another book has recently been published with an almost identical plot. I was going to submit it to a publisher in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 829

You deserved it 423

Can't win

By Anonymous - 07/01/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, if I don't do work around the house, my girlfriend will call me a lazy pig and yell at me. If I do, she will yell because I didn't do it the right way. If I ask her to clarify the right way, she will call me a dumbass, give useless instructions, and work herself up into yelling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 279

Fresh air

By Anonymous - 21/05/2020 02:00

Today, my parents actually kicked me into the back garden and made me sit outside for an hour so they could have sex without having to worry about me hearing them go at each other like a pair of 15-stone rabbits hopped up on Viagra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 427

Looking like a fool...

By Pantsontheground - 09/08/2018 18:30 - United States - New York

Today, my pants kept falling down. Since I didn't have a belt on, I decided to tuck the waistband around my underwear to keep them in place. While on a date, I tried to adjust my pants, but ended up pulling them down along with my boxers. In the middle of a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 3 059

Bullet = Dodged

By nikkei - 01/09/2018 22:00

Today, while paying for dinner, my card declined and my date immediately left. The waitress then ran my card again successfully. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 274

You deserved it 217

By Tiana Scott - 12/09/2018 13:10

Today, I left the door open while I went to the bathroom and my 11-month-old crawled in and then took off with my toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 352

You deserved it 859

Gas giant

By Anonymous - 23/09/2018 17:30

Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 057

You deserved it 202

Gross, dude

By smells like ass - 02/08/2020 23:03

Today, my boyfriend has only showered about three times since we’ve been on lockdown. Our whole place smells like a sewer main burst in a pro-sports locker room filled with sweaty nut sacks and dead feet. His excuse? "It’s not like we have anywhere to go babe." I can’t even eat around him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 919

You deserved it 400

Indoctrination

By say no to indoctrination - 23/08/2020 05:02 - United States

Today, I was called everything from a communist to a nazi to a national traitor for suggesting that kids shouldn’t be forced to recite the pledge of allegiance at school until they’re old enough to truly understand what it means. Someone even threatened to kick my ass for speaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 878

You deserved it 882

Three kids?

By Anonymous - 08/01/2020 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got the results proving if my ex-girlfriend's kid was mine. The results came back negative and I can't have kids. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have 3 kids with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 209

You deserved it 321

By SonofMnemosyne - 16/10/2018 17:52

Today, while going to visit my father, I got out of the car and put my iPad on the roof to grab my bags. My mom drove off before I could get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 622

You deserved it 714

SonofMnemosyne tells us more.

SonofMnemosyne 20

Tuesday 16 October 2018 13:04

OP here... My mom was in a rush because she was dropping me off before she took my sister to the hospital for a really bad cough which made it hard to breathe for her. She's better now. I didn't find the IPad, but I got a new one the week after as an early birthday present from my grandparents.

By definitelynotugly - 02/12/2018 12:00

Today, I had a morning shift at the restaurant and didn't feel like wearing makeup. I was energetic and greeted everyone happily, but my manager told me I looked tired. I said, "Oh no I'm just not wearing makeup!" He said, "Well, you might need it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 848

You deserved it 353

MAKE IT STOP

By anonymous198913 - 04/02/2017 12:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how to play "Happy Birthday" on the guitar, just to have my friend tell me that my voice sucks, and that I needed to stop immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 104

You deserved it 713

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 16:00

Today, I was rear-ended while heading to my appointment with my physiotherapist. This is the physiotherapist I am seeing to treat the pinched disc I got from being rear-ended 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 408

You deserved it 437

Close, but no cigar

By Anonymous - 22/09/2019 04:00 - United States - Athens

Today, my boyfriend tried to compliment my date-night attire. His brain couldn't decide between, "So pretty" and, "You're the shit," so his mouth decided, "You're so shitty" would suffice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 910

You deserved it 305

Snitch

By demonporn - 04/12/2020 11:01

Spicy

Today, I was riding home from church with my parents when my mom turned around and told me that this morning there was a demon in our living room, and the reason that demon was allowed inside of our house was because I've been watching porn. I'm grounded for 3 weeks because of an informative demon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 195

It wasn't me

By Florida Girl - 09/03/2019 12:00

Today, I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time today and learned that his mom is from the same area as my dad. Before I could tell a funny story about my dad’s senior prank, his mom said that during her senior year, some asshole spray painted their school mascot on their football field. That was my dad’s senior prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 419

You deserved it 381

By Bluevayero - 12/03/2019 14:00

Today, I found out I lost a promotion intended for me because I was on planned vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 463

You deserved it 172

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 02:00

Today, at work, I came back from my break to find a child covered in mud. Turns out it wasn't mud. One of the other children had taken all of the poop out of their diaper and smeared it all over the floor, walls, and other children. The other teacher hadn't noticed, and I had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 157

You deserved it 153

By Genuine D - 13/05/2017 14:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 518

You deserved it 456

By Anonymous - 08/06/2019 09:24 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I was babysitting my friend's 12-year-old son while his dad was having an emergency procedure at the hospital. I walked into the den to see if he wanted to go out to dinner, only to find him watching Pornhub on my iPad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 639

You deserved it 436

By The Seamstress - 20/05/2017 18:00 - United States - Irving

Today, while sewing, I learned that I cannot hold pins in my mouth and chew gum at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 033

You deserved it 5 552

Man of mystery

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, I found a video of my fiance staring into the camera while deep-throating a dildo, and then putting it other places. I have no idea who/what it was for, or how to talk to him about this, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with his disinterest in me lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 141

You deserved it 194

Asshat

By Julissa - 25/02/2021 00:30

Today, I got a call from my husband, saying that he wants a divorce, he’s been seeing his colleague and that she’s more compatible to him. I’ve just given birth to out first child. He told me, "Aww, good luck with that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 964

You deserved it 125

By caligirl4ever - 19/07/2019 12:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got robbed. He was so depressed about all the stuff we lost, I decided to cheer him up with a lap dance. I told him to sit on a chair. We have no furniture left. He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 032

You deserved it 511

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Today, I found out that the little arrow next to my gas gauge actually points to the side of the car where the tank is. For the past year-and-a-half I've been sticking my head out the window and even calling my parents to ask which side it was on, because I can never remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 279

You deserved it 51 372

Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 684

You deserved it 5 151

Today, I got off work and checked my makeup in the mirror once I got in my car. I had a huge piece of spinach on my front tooth that no one told me about. I work the front desk of an upscale hotel and have been greeting guests all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 957

You deserved it 5 379

Today, I opened the freezer for some Poptarts and a giant block of meat fell and broke my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 006

You deserved it 6 872

Today, my girlfriend was thoughtful enough to buy me some "Dude Wipes" because I work on construction sites and most of the time it's use a Porta Potty or hold it. I was late and decided I'd use the work potty. Grabbed my wipes, did my business., went to wipe and… FROZEN SOLID! Hell of a way to start my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 166

Today, I cursed out a school bus driver for blocking me from making a turn. What’s wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 1 091