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Hi, OP here. Someone called and went like "Can I talk to Mr. N****, please?". At first I thought he meant my husband, but it turned out to be my son. I said "Well, I don't think you can talk to him, he is just six weeks old. So you might want to talk to me instead". Turns out he was the assistant of the specialist I had made an appointment with because of an issue with my son's spine (something went wrong during the delivery). He was cancelling/rescheduling appointments, because his boss was sick, and hadn't checked the patient's birth date before calling (they treat both kids and adults). He was very embarrassed, but I just thought it was hilarious.

By KeptMyHandsUp - 17/08/2017 23:15 - United States

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time. She warned me they were a little weird. Right when we walked in the door, her parents were there to greet us...in the nude. Apparently this constitutes as a LITTLE weird. They both hugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 202

You deserved it 356

Six weeks for nowt

By Dezzmond68 - 15/09/2016 20:26 - Canada - Aylmer

Today, I got in trouble at work because the person whom I trained, and had done everything correctly with no mistakes, and said he was comfortable being on his own when I asked, was screwing it all up over the course of 6 weeks. When I asked him, he said, "I think my way is better than yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 017

You deserved it 897

By Sudokori - 07/09/2017 01:30

Today, my coworker paid me back the $15 I let him borrow and we shook hands. Later, I was called into my boss's office, where he threatened to fire me for doing a drug deal in front of customers. The police are getting involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 279

You deserved it 272

By mr. machine - 31/08/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, my 19-year-old daughter got a haircut. When I asked her if she tipped the hairdresser, she looked at me in horror and asked, "You’re supposed to tip hairdressers?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 368

You deserved it 708

Fun is overrated

By Jess56 - 06/09/2019 06:01 - United States

Today, I met the exchange student who will be living with us for a year. As we were talking, she told me that she doesn't like reading, writing, drawing, athletics, watching television or listening to music. What does she like to do during her free time? Study. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 641

You deserved it 276

By Jay - 04/11/2017 04:00

Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 318

You deserved it 367

Well that's embarrassing...

By "Stella5127" - 29/11/2017 06:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our first apartment together by having a bloodcurdling, hot, screaming lovemaking session. Once we were done, we lay happily in each other's arms when we heard the neighbour say, no louder than a whisper, "They're done just in time for for the news." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 387

You deserved it 2 993

By Scottie Too Hottie - 27/06/2016 22:49 - United States - Pontiac

Today, I waved money at a passing ice cream truck and it kept going. So apparently I can't even get a date with a Sno Cone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 150

You deserved it 1 078

My fault, somewhat

By Craig - 05/02/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someone's neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage, but I guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 317

You deserved it 8 042

By Larry - 31/01/2009 18:20 - United States

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 071

You deserved it 2 277

By Kitten - 06/09/2018 03:30

Today, my sister smashed a cup on my head because I told her she couldn't borrow one of my necklaces since she lost one and stole another. I was grounded for "antagonizing" her into doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 426

You deserved it 175

By tripleBBB - 09/09/2018 01:30

Today, I was in the shower when I realised that maybe I'm getting a little too fat. I was scrubbing the old belly when a dollar flew out onto the floor. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 2 661

By SensitiveTech - 26/11/2018 12:00

Today, I was loving on a dog at work. I noticed her fur was coarse and short and I'd never felt anything like it before. I broke out in hives all over my face. This happens whenever I'm around any cats, guinea pigs, or rabbits and now some dogs apparently. I'm in school to be a vet tech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 709

You deserved it 496

Freakout

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it, despite working full time and me part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 648

You deserved it 454

By Jobdubai - 28/03/2013 02:41 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, it was my last day working at my company. The whole staff was summoned to a meeting, but I didn't see the point of going, so I left discreetly. I “discreetly” missed the surprise party that my colleagues had organized for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 961

By Anonymous - 30/03/2017 20:00

Today, I finally told the girl I'm in love with how I've felt ever since we first met six years ago. She let me know that not only does she not feel the same way, she's always considered me a creep and only ever hung out with me because of our mutual friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 627

You deserved it 1 022

By Baby Bethy - 25/12/2016 04:00 - United States

Today, I went to bed at noon after having driven 11 hours from Washington to Maine. I missed my flight due to a delayed plane, and was told there were no open flights the next 2 days. I'd been driving my $200 rental car for 1.5 hrs when the airport told me, over the phone, that there was in fact a flight available. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 786

You deserved it 592

Tis the season to be…

By HelloItsMee123 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I had routine surgery and should have been discharged on the same day. Now due to an avoidable mistake the surgeon made I'll be staying in hospital over Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 880

You deserved it 505

Good enough reason

By Anonymous - 17/05/2017 20:00

Today, I finally found out why my girlfriend doesn't want kids. She discovered Rugrats recently and, after binge watching the whole series, decided that our would-be children would be too adventurous for us to handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 143

You deserved it 491

By KismetSiren - 23/11/2016 10:30 - United States - Hoffman Forest

Today, I told my mother I got engaged. Her reply was a great heaving sigh, followed by ,"OK… So how's work going?" She showed more excitement last week when my brother managed to properly make Kraft macaroni. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 818

You deserved it 689

By Debbie3247 - 07/07/2017 14:30 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I taught a high school class on public speaking. When I explained how important it was for a presentation to be polished and professional, one kid asked, "Is it professional for your skirt to be tucked into your underwear? I didn't know they made My Little Pony panties for adults." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 308

You deserved it 2 216

By SmellyLeg - 20/11/2017 15:00

Today, my bike slipped on ice and I slid spectacularly for several meters. While my helmet saved me from a cracked skull, nothing could protect me from landing leg-first in the dog poop somebody hadn't bothered to pick up. I had to go to school like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 341

You deserved it 327

By ExtendedVacation - 23/02/2009 22:00 - United States

Today, I submitted a vacation request to my manager and it was approved. I came back from lunch and was informed that I have been let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 955

You deserved it 2 466

By sucks2suck - 19/02/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I told my parents I really missed them and wanted to come home for the weekend, as I haven't seen them in months. They told me that was a bad idea and they couldn't fit me into their schedule. I asked what their plans were. They said they didn't have any yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 256

You deserved it 2 693

By Parking princess - 05/09/2018 16:27 - United States - Curwensville

Today, at work as a meter maid, I had a man scream at me. He had a handicapped license plate on his 3-wheel motorcycle and said he could "park in any handicapped spot and not have to pay the meter". He wouldn't believe he was wrong, even after the police chief backed me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 446

You deserved it 257

kdragonrose tells us more.

kdragonrose 10

Tuesday 4 September 2018 5:35

Op here. To clarify, I did NOT give this jerk a ticket for parking in the handicapped spot. He got the ticket for not paying the meter. Handicapped parking meters in my area are painted blue. He cussed me out because he felt having a handicapped license plate entitled him to not have to pay the meter. I told him "why would they have a meter there if you didn't have to pay it. It's even painted blue?" He continued to cuss at me, so I called the police chief who told the man he was wrong. Ps: a first violation parking ticket in my town costs $3. He cussed me out all this time over a $3 parking ticket.