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Sex ed 101

By clapping_for_you - 14/12/2018 12:30

Spicy

Today, during a private discussion, my teenage son confessed to me he finally lost his virginity several weeks ago. Why did he confess? He came to me to ask why it all of a sudden hurts when he pees, and asked if it could have anything to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 418

You deserved it 426

Chill out

By Anonymous - 19/12/2018 14:00 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I had a meeting with HR that resulted in me being dismissed for poor performance. I was confused because up until that point, my line manager had said my performance was exemplary. Turns out it wasn't, and he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to be stressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 848

You deserved it 344

By Purple-jacket - 10/04/2019 04:00

Today, I graduated with a CS degree and a certification in networking, only to make $12/hr. Guess some trade jobs are worthless now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 874

You deserved it 369

Honest day's work

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 02:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after finding out that I opened an Onlyfans account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 4 467

Tow the line

By broke - 16/11/2016 03:08 - United States - Orlando

Today, I paid $125 to get my car back after it was towed. Yesterday, I bought the car. When I got it to my apartment, the office wasn't open, so I couldn't get a parking decal. The same office that towed my car while they were still closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 824

You deserved it 820

By majesticous - 23/10/2016 15:56 - Netherlands - Spijkenisse

Today, I dropped a butcher's knife on my knuckle. Five stitches later, I can't even wipe my own butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 792

You deserved it 930

By Seriously? - 22/07/2017 13:54

Today, my friend with benefits got my new car stuck in a mud hole. I had to call my ex to get us unstuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 078

You deserved it 2 047

By Anonymous - 17/10/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, my landlady decided to fix the leak in my room. Her solution was repainting the ceiling. Now not only is my room still wet but it now reeks of paint thinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 668

You deserved it 1 999

What's that sound?

By Ihavethickthighs - 07/09/2017 16:00

Today, and for the past week, my boyfriend joined me on my walks. He's recently gotten into photography and is now intent on tracking down a rare bird that he never sees but always hears. I don't have the heart to tell him that it's the sound of my thighs rubbing together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 643

You deserved it 591

Scammers scamming

By Anonymous - 30/04/2021 07:49

Today, I got a call from my bank, saying that the cheque I deposited in my account bounced and my account is now -$2900. The cheque was from a work-at-home company, who asked me to deposit the cheque, then send them some of the money through Cash App to buy office supplies. They won’t answer their e-mails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 2 865

By OiVey - 02/11/2017 00:30 - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

Today, I found out that I've been taking the wrong math class all semester. We're only a few weeks from finals and I have no drops left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 320

You deserved it 1 578

By Orchidmurderer - 21/12/2017 15:00 - New Zealand

Today, I received a housewarming gift from an easily offended friend of mine. I recently explained to her how terrible I am at keeping plants alive. What did she get me? An orchid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 763

You deserved it 409

By thefoolwhorippedhispants - 20/04/2018 01:30

Today, I came home from work to realize I had a massive rip in my shorts from my crotch to my crack. I have to lean over constantly in front of dozens of people at my job. Not one person said anything, but now I know why they were chuckling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 361

You deserved it 436

By CBM2012 - 07/02/2009 04:58 - United States

Today, my roommate texted me and warned me to be careful on the stairs leading to our place because they were icy. I got the message. After I fell down an entire flight of stone stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 554

You deserved it 3 641

By hgirl - 28/01/2009 21:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he watched True Life I'm Pregnant. Now I know why we haven't been having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 548

You deserved it 3 345

Don't you know that you're toxic?

By Anonymous - 07/07/2020 23:02

Today, I found out my girlfriend talks to around 18 other men for fun. She says she loves me more, but I told her to prove it, so I took her phone and deleted the social media accounts that she made just for these men. Now I'm a "toxic controlling monster" because I don't let her chat with random men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 833

By Alin - 13/09/2018 14:30

Spicy

Today, I slept alone again in bed. After travelling 15000 km across the world to be with my long-distance husband, he has refused to kiss or hug me in the week I've been here. I never thought I would be in a sexless marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 721

You deserved it 427

By Anonymous - 02/10/2018 05:00

Today, I found out you really can burn down a kitchen by boiling an egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 485

You deserved it 847

Big boomer energy

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 20:06

Today, my father-in law-shared his opinion that autistic kids should be beaten until they act normal. He saw fit to share this while my autistic son was having a meltdown because my father-in-law came to the house without warning, and my son violently hates visitors without prior warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 488

You deserved it 294

Denied

By Anonymous - 05/09/2020 02:02

Spicy

Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 004

You deserved it 391

By sasha625 - 22/12/2018 14:00

Today, I was running late for work. My windshield had completely frozen over. I didn’t have anything to dissolve the ice..except some coffee I had made 30 minutes earlier. I decided to dump my coffee on my windshield. Instead of dissolving the ice, the creamer froze on entire windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 3 792

By gmanbuilder - 09/02/2017 00:00 - United States - Louisville

Today, I determined that the only reason I still have a membership to my gym is that the special gummy bears they have in the vending machines are amazing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 839

You deserved it 1 829

Ballsy move

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Franklin

Today, I finally got the balls to ask the girl of my dreams out, but all I could talk about was my two cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 668

You deserved it 1 929

By 854alice - 30/03/2017 11:25 - United Kingdom - Stamford

Today, my girlfriend got jealous because I wanted to adopt a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 620

You deserved it 492

854alice tells us more.

854alice 18

Thursday 30 March 2017 8:37

Hey, Op here. I saw that this got posted (rather unexpectedly I might add) and I feel like I need to clear this up. First off to those saying she is crazy or I should leave her, you shouldn't really judge a book by its cover and know the full story before making comments like that. She is the kindest and most wonderful person I have ever met in my life. Se didn't intend to tell me that she was jealous, Unfortunately, like myself, she has barely any filter so she ended up blurting it out to me anyway. I found it funny and entertaining since it was so out of her character and we've both been laughing about it since. She did end up loving the pup once I showed her some pictures and I'm still hoping to adopt if he's still available. I just thought it was a funny moment in our lives and just wanted to share.

By Anonyme - 19/09/2010 04:44 - Algeria

Today, I’m on a mission in Africa. My company driver is so old, deaf and half blind that I have to scream what is written on all the road signs at him, and tell him to which way to turn… so he can point the car in that general direction and hope for the best. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 66

Dr. Dick

By Peter - 11/05/2019 14:00

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend has been lying to me about having a long-term illness requiring multiple trips to the doctor's. She isn't ill, she was cheating on me with the local GP. So I’ve literally driven her to the clinic and then sat in the waiting room while she screwed the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 357

You deserved it 352

Pile on

By BoCoMoGal - 13/05/2017 04:00

Today, my phone reset, wiping the touch ID on my credit card. I can't remember the password so I'm locked out. I tried "Forgot password", but you need to have the physical card. The card is tucked away in the bank lock box. The key to the lock box is packed in one of the 150 boxes we have prepped to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 847

You deserved it 2 497

By FarewellRalphs - 24/05/2017 20:00

Today, I went grocery shopping with my grandmother. Our bagger offered to help load our groceries, to which my grandmother replied, "Oh, what a nice young colored boy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 230

You deserved it 363

By winks - 09/11/2016 19:06 - United States - Reno

Today, I got into a car accident that was my fault. The other driver was my professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 562

You deserved it 1 748

By Anonymous - 13/04/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I was on a small plane. A flight attendant told us that there was too much weight in the front of the plane and they needed 3 people to move to the back of the plane. I volunteer and walk to the back. She says, "Okay, we're going to need 1 more person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 306

You deserved it 12 121

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The Top

The Top

Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 617

You deserved it 58 955

Today, my friend stole my phone to call the creepy boy that follows me around at school. I wouldn't have been so bothered if she hadn't had phone sex with him, all while pretending to be me. He got so into it, he now thinks we're a couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 060

You deserved it 6 355

Today, I walked out of the operating room at the end of an emergency case. I spent ten minutes talking to a woman about her son before we realized I was talking to the wrong family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 266

You deserved it 28 761

Today, and ever since my boyfriend moved in, I've learned just how much his mother did everything for him and never taught him how to adult. In the last month I've had to show him how to cook, clean the house, do laundry and drying, use the vacuum, pay household bills, and he still moans its too hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 238

Today, my fiancé and I were having dinner with my parents. My mom asked when we were thinking of having kids. My fiancé cheerfully said, “When pigs fly and Hell freezes over!” He’s right, but I was hoping to break the news a little more gently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 218

Today, after I used the try-on foundation feature online and it matched, I'd bought it but it was way too light. I then found out that it wasn’t the right foundation and because I had used it, I couldn’t get a refund. I went back to buy the right foundation but my shade was out of stock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 164