The Top

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By caterinette - 27/11/2014 02:04 - Portugal

Today, it was my turn to open the bar I work at. As I walked into our terrace, I found our insane upstairs neighbour leaving the scene without a word. This was right before I spotted the steaming pile of dung she'd left behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 184

You deserved it 2 254

By Anonymous - 28/07/2014 02:48 - United States - Fresno

Today, I watched a manager and a co-worker sit underneath a table in our store all day as I got yelled at for not working hard enough. I was the only one actually working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 567

You deserved it 2 801

By ImaSneakyNinja - 17/11/2016 02:55 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I asked a girl that I've been talking to for a couple of weeks out, but immediately got rejected because I'm left handed. I guess I'll leave that part out next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 776

You deserved it 843

By TheSublime - 21/10/2009 13:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 886

You deserved it 4 659

By jkbeynon - 03/03/2013 04:18 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 821

You deserved it 3 631

By J-Sauce - 20/06/2016 14:54 - Canada - Salmon Arm

Today, I went to a club with 6 girls thinking it would be awesome. As soon as we got there, they all said they wanted to go dance and asked if I could watch their purses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 853

You deserved it 2 821

Pure class

By tacky_unrefined - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend of four months broke up with me via text message. He spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 838

You deserved it 4 141

By disconnected - 23/09/2014 20:19 - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, we spent an entire day without being able to do work because our internet connection was down. Turns out, only the router had crashed and nobody bothered to reset it "to avoid doing further damage". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 547

You deserved it 3 465

By Potted - 16/11/2015 02:34 - United States - Denton

Today, after my close friend had his baby, he told me that he was no longer going to be selling weed at his house. I was happy for him, because it's unsafe. Until I found out he was still selling at my house with the help of my roommates, without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 988

You deserved it 3 914

By Anonyme - 26/02/2013 07:12 - Madagascar - Mahajanga

Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual attention. He woke me up by putting a slice of ham on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 163

By The Unknown Soldier - 24/04/2016 15:31 - USA

Today, even after 4 years of service together, my sarge still calls me Pete, Paul, George, and even sometimes Thingummy bob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 31

By 900104878 - 17/10/2015 03:48 - Canada

Today, the father of my unborn child got laid off. Without a work visa, he may have to leave the country before this baby even arrives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 232

You deserved it 6 270

900104878 tells us more.

900104878 9

Friday 23 October 2015 21:26

Hey OP here. I guess I should clarify some things. Birth control was used, as like every other time. It happened to fail. We were together a few months and a few more after we found out. I don't believe in staying with someone solely because of a child. It's not healthy for anyone. We get along fine and he's excited to be a dad. Absolutely not great timing of course. But I do not believe in abortion. I didn't post this because I'm worried about money. I have a good full time job that I will return to after my mat leave. My heart hurts for him, not me. I've got my family here, I'll be ok. Thank you for the support!!

By cat_loser - 09/12/2016 01:29

Today, I agreed to catsit for a friend. Her cat rode back to my house sitting on my shoulder in the car. As soon as I opened the door, he jumped out and ran off into the woods. It's been 2 1/2 hours and not even food will entice him back to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 750

You deserved it 3 380

Nice neighborhood

By Anonymous - 11/10/2015 15:34 - United States - Lexington

Today, I awoke to the sound of my neighbors attacking my car with a baseball bat accusing me of calling the cops on them. I did call the cops on them, after they screamed at me last night, drunkenly, to call the cops for them because they thought they were being robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 017

You deserved it 1 796

Emergency

By Kassiopia - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad decided to take his medicine before eating. He passed out with his face in a plate of chocolate cake. He wasn't responsive so I called the paramedics. When he got to the hospital, the doctor asked him if he knew why he was there. He replied, "Because my stupid daughter overreacted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 839

You deserved it 3 643

By Anonymous - 02/10/2015 12:25 - United Kingdom

Today, a guy threatened to sue me for fraud because I informed him that he had to start paying back his student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 902

You deserved it 1 848

By stixx - 25/10/2009 17:18 - United States

Today, I got a new cat. I tried to reenact the opening scene from Lion King, where in Simba gets held up for everyone to see. The fan was on when I lifted my cat up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 703

You deserved it 75 576

By cullenthegreat - 25/08/2016 16:26 - United States - Villanova

Today, on my second morning at college, I tried to make coffee using my Keurig. I realized after I got back from my shower that I hadn't put a cup under the machine. All 3 drawers of my dresser are now filled with coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 085

You deserved it 8 493

By onlychild - 12/04/2014 06:22 - United States

Today, my sister is working on her graduation speech. She gives her thanks to one friend for helping support her through school, like, "The sister I never had". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 325

You deserved it 4 545

Noise machine

By achtung - 01/02/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 165

You deserved it 5 844

By didi - 05/01/2009 10:45 - France

Today, at the supermarket everybody was staring at me. After ten minutes, I realized that my umbrella was still open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 856

You deserved it 19 613

Working conditions

By dripdripdrop - 26/01/2010 18:44 - United States

Today, it's raining at my work. Not outside, inside, because our building's boiler broke and all the pipes are dripping with condensation. I have to sit at my desk under an umbrella to protect my laptop and desk phone. The HVAC company said, "Don't worry, this is normal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 325

You deserved it 2 174

Raincheck

By noo - 07/06/2009 21:49 - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my truck for the first time. While trying to unlock it, it started to rain. After half an hour, I successfully unlocked the door and then drove over my bookbag, which I had placed underneath the truck to keep it out of the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 458

You deserved it 14 708

Spy vs. Spy

By Bree - 15/08/2012 15:15 - United States

Today, my father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 784

You deserved it 1 737

Weird reason, but OK

By Ellwood - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother met my sister's boyfriend for the first time. As we talked about it later over dinner, she said she didn't like him. When I asked why, she paused for a second and said, "Well, he really reminds me of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 665

You deserved it 3 504

Not into it

By JD. - 08/10/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 617

You deserved it 4 093

About that…

By Noname - 25/02/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I came home to tell my parents about my new nose job I got about a month ago. My mom always told me I should get one, so I didn't tell her right away to see if she would notice. I was home for about 20 minutes before she asked me, "So when are you getting that nose job?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 035

You deserved it 6 867

By justpeachy1989 - 26/05/2016 14:06 - Australia

Today, I finally tested out my new robot vacuum cleaner. My puppy decided she would test it out too by leaving a brown surprise for it to find, which it did. There are now brown marks in every room of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 026

You deserved it 1 678

Wish you were here

By taylor124 - 22/08/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I listened to a voicemail from my mom about how she misses me and can't wait to see me when I get back from vacation. Thinking she hung up, my mother then had a conversation with my aunt about how quiet the house is without me and how she'd be blessed if I didn't come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 121

You deserved it 2 885

By I piss upon thee - 13/05/2016 18:35 - United States - Toledo

Today, I got a warning for not covering a shift, on my day off, for someone who didn't want to go to work. Apparently the next time I “do something wrong", I'll either get warned again or fired, whichever they feel like doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 025

You deserved it 1 039

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The Top

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to quit my job after being tortured by my boss for months. My boss responded by throwing a hardcover textbook at me and hitting me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 258

You deserved it 906

Today, I found my daughter sobbing and trying to stick a wad of gauze to her vagina. She was having her first period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 367

You deserved it 11 389

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say, "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 944

You deserved it 7 923

Today, my step-mother threw a surprise party on my acceptance to college. People kept telling me how delightfully shocked and happy they are for me. "UPenn" was written everywhere, when I really got into Penn State. Everyone thinks I'm going to an Ivy League. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 489

You deserved it 5 147

Today, I decided to be nice and do the laundry for the whole family. Apparently, all the guys in the family have skid marks on both the back AND THE FRONT of their underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 152

Today, and for weeks now, I was sure my underwear was going missing. I found out why. My husband's brother has been stealing them whenever he visits, presumably to masturbate with. I literally caught him shoving an unwashed pair into his pocket he'd stolen from my laundry pile. Creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 88