FML - The Follow-Up

To those who said I'm selfish for saying FML, I was just following the conventions of the site. Trust me, the situation was awkward for me, but I so feel so much more sorry for the lady who called. She was meaning to call who I assume to be family or a friend to ask for toilet paper, but instead called the grocery store. I stayed on the line for a short while, but since we're not allowed to take personal calls at work, I had to refer her to someone else. I can only hope that she found someone to keep her company.

I didn't expect to be published! By the way, the cat is the one in my photo. To be fair, the vet asked me if I would like to leave while he did it and I accepted. This was also due to the fact that the cat kept trying to climb into my hood because I'm familiar to her. It was just a routine checkup, she was perfectly fine. I don't blame you for thinking I deserved it, I don't deny it was cruel of me to laugh at her. But she just made the most surprised and indignant face and she was running away from him. She actually did hop off the table and try to escape!

Wow, I didn't think I would get published. Let me clear some things up:) -My boyfriend and my brother-in-law are best friends and bought onesies together. They have been wearing them all night and day. They are a bit crazy, but fun. -My boy works outside in snow, so that's why he wore it to work. -It's also below zero where I live so it's cold at night, hence the bed wearing. -The sex however... Well, there is basically a slit in the back and buttons in the front. He thought it was hilarious, but it won't be happening again. I guess it's just something that he wanted to try and I love him so I did it. Oh, and it doesn't smell.. Yet. ;)

Hey OP here! First off, thanks for publishing this. It's the first one I've ever submitted. Secondly, yes he was finger painting with it as well as wiping his butt on everything in his room. We're in the middle of potty training so he thought he was helping by cleaning himself off. I also had to clean him and all of his stuffed animals up because he got it EVERYWHERE. Yes, he did get punished in an appropriate way because he's not gonna know it was wrong unless I teach him. And to the comment that I said I need to watch him better, it was while he was napping in his room. Any parent knows you can't watch your kids constantly.

Hey all! OP here. I just a wanted to clear a few things up. I know the wording may have been confusing and given you all the wrong image. When I said that she'd embarrass me by singing in public, I literally meant singing. To me. About me. In public. Loudly. Like not even a real song. But when I read over it when it got published, it sounded to me like people could interpret it like she would sing karaoke or something. Anyways it only lasted a minute or so so it wasn't that bad, but we did get some stares. And for those comments saying to live a little, I don't sing or dance in public as a personal rule because I'm not any good at either. Anyways thanks to the moderators for publishing this and I will see you guys around on this awesome website :)

I am really surprised this made it through. on the bright side we had been discussing getting a cat for our daughter. I just expected to let her pick it out, not to wake up to a knew kitten in my bed

Lol thank everyone! My iPhone wasn't in a case but surprisingly it's fine! But the wall, not so much. I kinda put a hole in it haha

OP here! The dog got out when the old man who rents out a room in my friends house - though he'd been repeatedly warned not to - let the dog out. The dogs not very well-trained and does not come when you call him, which is why we keep him inside except for when he goes on walks, on a leash. We had all been getting ready for our schools semi formal so we ran out into the cold in bare feet and dresses while we tried to make sure the dog didn't run away. He was running back towards our friends house when the car hit him. My friend lives beside a public school so the dog was hit in a school crossing zone, so there was no reason for the driver to be going fast enough to not be able to hit the brakes in time, but evidently he was. Fortunately the dog is a massive German Shepard. When he got hit, there was a terrifying bang followed by horrid whimpering. We all thought he was going to die. I'm trained in first aid and checked for injuries on the dogs body, and he seemed fine, except for a scrape on his eyebrow, so I took him back to the house. The bumper of the car was knocked clean off and it seems the dog has a concussion but he will live, but the driver keeps showing up to my friends house, who can't afford a vet bill, let alone the repairs cost.

This actually happened a couple years ago, and to answer everyone's implied questions, yes he is now my ex, yes this incident was the catalyst, yes I called the cops, and yes I got the car back! After standing outside for a few seconds with my jaw flapping in the wind, then realizing my phone was in the car to top everything else off, I went back inside and had the attendant dial the local cops. Since I knew the make, model, license plate, and rough direction where the cockhole was going, it was pretty easy to track down. He did have the audacity to call me and ask (demand, actually) that I bail his ass out, but I laughed and hung up. I ultimately wound up dropping the charges, since his parents are very well-connected in their hometown, and I knew the lawyer they got him would have been able to get him off on probation or something equally pathetic. But mostly I dropped them because the family was wealthy and vindictive enough that I could have seen them suing me (!!!) to get back the cost of the lawyer's fees, and once it was all said and done, I just wanted a clean break. He had some mental health issues (depression, alcoholism, longtime unemployment) going on way before this, and I'd been weighing my options for getting out for a while. At least his real-life GTA5 enactment gave me the chance I needed!

OP here :) Some of you have taken this the wrong way so let me clarify - I was in NO way trying to garner 'likes' for donating to the Nelson Mandela Children's Hospital. I never even mentioned that I donated, I just posted the link and a little comment saying Please donate in honour of his memory. I assume no one donated because they didn't say anything and I just think it's a bit sad because even a couple of dollars goes a long way. Not many of my friends would have heard of the hospital either so I thought if I brought it to their attention they could donate and help the children in South Africa receive the care and treatment they desperately need. I believe it's a great way to honour Nelson Mandela's memory.

Thank you for all your comments, it made me laugh for the first time in a week. Answering your questions, she's 67, in good health, and apart from a bad knee and weak bladder, she'll be around for many years, living independently. Her family is full of centenarians (FML again). She's neither senile nor mentally ill, but she came from an European aristocratic family (technically, she's a baroness), grew up with 12 personal servants, married into a very wealthy - but plebeian - family, and together they squandered every little penny they had. She divorced and had to raise three kids on her own, in relative poverty (one servant is not enough), had to work for a living (how shameful!), and poured all her frustration and bitterness on us. Of her three kids, the one that lives closest to her is 5000 miles away. I confronted her many times on what she thinks about that, if she says that it's wonderful, because she can travel more. She insists on spend three months with each of us, and three months on her city. We have no choice but to oblige, otherwise she manages to make our lives even more hellish. She got to the point of denouncing my brother-in-law for an nonexistent domestic violence episode to the police, from 8000 miles away. She does not have pure evil intent in her actions. The thing is, the only thing she's interested in is herself and her reputation. She doesn't care for our stuff, our lives or our emotions, she doesn't pay attention to anyone (she called her sister on Skype while I was talking to her), and the only thing that grabs her attention is gossip, so she can start blabbing how much better than the others she is. She's just a vain and vacuous self-absorbed ex-rich girl that happened to get old. Think Paris Hilton. For those saying that I should kiss her feet because she carried me for nine months and suffered for my birth, here it goes: she demanded a general anesthetic for all births, had a boob job and a tummy tuck on the same surgery I was born, and only saw me when I was a month old. She only turned into a hands-on mother when she got flat broke and had to fire the nannies. But no worries. I made sure for her that this is my home, so my rules apply. She's trying to behave. Oh, my husband is a saint with infinite patience, and excuses her for everything. And my mother-in-law is the best person I've ever met, and compensated for all the hurt my mother inflicted. :)

OP, hi! I can definitely be talkative sometimes, but that's actually not what happened here. I was at my friend's house and we were trying to pick a movie to watch when I noticed they had Aladdin. We got into a silly argument over whether to watch that or some action flick when I started dramatically singing and talking about all my favorite Disney princesses for laughs. Little did I know, during that time, my friend's little sister had wandered in and was staring at me. The whole room quieted down and then we heard that little bit of sass- "You definitely need to calm down." We all laughed so hard we cried.

OP here. Yeah, this ended the relationship on the spot. Especially with how I reacted to it. I believe my exact words were, "no! That's *expletive* gross!" She rebutted with, "it wouldn't be so bad, we've seen each other naked several times before." Referring to her uncle. That did it for me. It's not as bad as pedophilia, they're only a few months apart, he's older, but both over 18. Still I can proudly say she is my ex-girlfriend now and can do whatever the hell she wants with her uncle. This was literally the first red-flag I'd had in the three months since we've been dating. I was all for filming a video, and didn't think it even needed to be said that we'd be using a tripod, or perhaps setting the camera on a shelf, apparently, she had other ideas. It's too bad too, she was actually a decent girlfriend. Ah well, I'll cut my losses and move on.

I've been dying my hair since I was 14, so know what I'm doing. I just now live in a tiny house with a tiny bathroom and my hair is just shy of my butt. I usually use a mirror to make sure I'm ok, but because of the length of my hair I have to do it upside down over the bathtub. It got on my arms while doing the main body of my hair, ears and forehead are a no brainier and I had a couple of spots drip down the gloves while I was doing the ends. I managed to get it off my face thankfully because I had to go out in public. The box said to use a wet towel with shampoo on it when you rinse it out, which I did and it didn't seem to be working so I attacked my face with exfoliating gloves and it did the job. I've now got to work out how to scrub the purple off the vanity and in the bathtub. I do wipe it straight away but it stains right away too. It's a super dark mahogany since I have to use 2 bottles. Looks blackish in the shade and red in the sun. Came out far better than I expected and I've never gone dark before so it's a nice change. Adds to the 'new me' thing I've got going.

Just a couple of points I wanna touch on: 1) the shag rug: haha not my choice! It came with my apartment, where the rug is one of the least awful things about it. 2) I know I should have had the nail polish out of reach, but we were planning on painting my daughters nails as soon as one of us got the chance. She's never done anything like that before so I didn't think to lock it up. We did have a chat about it though, and it hasn't been an issue since (this happened a few weeks ago) 3)Thank you for the removal tips! Hopefully I can find one that works :)

For those who are saying what he did was 'quite fishy', I have to agree. His excuse was, and I quote, "I only realised I had to pick you up half way through the journey, and there was no point turning back". I'm currently not speaking to him, for pretty obvious reasons, and he's now staying at his parents house. The reason I 'normally wouldn't have minded' is because if I wasn't pregnant, and if it wasn't raining, I easily could've caught the bus or walked home and sorted him out afterwards! He is also friends with his ex, and I've met her and spoken to her on quite casual terms before. And for the people who called me a 'chump' and said that I 'shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place', thank you - I'll keep it in mind for next time!

OP here. Someone else pointed it out to the attendant that I'd been in there for a while and since I'm 'a kid' I MUST have been trying to steal something. The attendant just quietly asked if they could check my bags and stuff the same way they do if you leave the store without buying but have bags in your hands. I'm not big, but I do have big boobs. Some clothes go on fine but when you go to take them off they won't go over them and you start to panic. I'm a fairly standard size and I do often go one size up, but this was one of those sheer tops with the singlet underneath and those suckers don't stretch and it's hard for anyone to get them off if they're lucky enough to work out where their arms are supposed to go and can get the thing on. Heck, my mum is tiny and there's been plenty of times I've had to help her pull something over her head because she's stuck. It's not normally a store I shop at but was out with my family which I haven't done in a long time as I lived away till recently and they had a great deal, so why not ? I'm not going to sue them, there's no point ? The store didn't accuse me, some asshole who can't mind their business did. To top it off, I went through the self serve checkouts and the alarm went off as I walked out and the attendant pulled all the bras I bought out of the bag in the doorway to make sure they didn't have any of those big plastic security tags on them. I did have a DVD for another store in my bag and we put it down to that.

He just asked me if he can have something to eat. When I finished the sandwich I realized the irony.

What else am I to call something that keeps saluting me? ;D

OP here! The ring had always been so tight that I couldn't get it off, but I guess loosing baby weight combined with the cold weather, my finger shrunk enough. I agree with commenters... I found it extremely odd that I didn't notice... Maybe a case of missing limb syndrome but with a ring? Anyhow, after spending a morning raking the leaves in freezing rain, I FOUND IT! An FML win! (Oh, and #55 sleet does freeze leaves when you live in Texas and the ground is warm enough to melt the sleet but the wind cold enough to re-freeze it. But we can compromise and say we are both right because it has been alternating between freezing rain and sleet for a little while now). WIN!

This is the OP here, my parents are incredibly worried about me taking the medicine because two of my three brothers are recovering drug addicts. I was visiting a friend who called my brother to come pick me up because I kept falling asleep mid-conversation as a side-effect to the medication. My parents assumed I was abusing them because of their past experiences with my brothers. They're incredibly understanding about the pain, but they're just scared.

Hi no I wasn't stuffed up anymore, my sinuses will drain twice a year, once in the spring and once in the fall for about two or three days, I also tend to suffer from sinusitis and sinus infections. She showed up the day I was finally cleared up and was just loafing around the house. While I'd kept thinking I needed to take the trash out because it was gross just sitting there, but I wasn't expecting company, like I said she stopped by for a surprise visit. I was able to clear things up with my Grandpa, the man knows me better then anyone and he was just checking in on me out of concern because as he said "it didn't sound like me." It was also my idiot brother who spread it around after overhearing my ma conveying the story to my dad later that day. I have had several facebook messages and phone calls asking about it but most of the people who know me are aware of my sinus issues, especially after last spring when my sinuses got infected because of them and my face was all swollen....We're all still trying to figure out how my mom is surprised by it....Idk, guess she figures I'll grow out of it eventually. Finally while I have taken some good natured ribbing about it all and probably will for a while yet my mom has gotten it even worse and is incredibly embarrassed about it all....maybe it's enough so next spring she'll remember my sinus issues for once.

Hi, OP here. I genuinely didn't think this would be published but here we go. Yes on that night I was extremely drunk and she was drinking heavily too, and I mean heavily. I didn't notice the huge bump because 1) I was shitfaced 2) She hid it extremely well. Anyway after talking to a few people it seems that this woman has been going around for the past 7 months sleeping with people and saying they are the dad. I have nothing wrong with people having sex when they aren't in a relationship but don't try and pin point your baby's dad on some bloke. It is wrong on so many levels.

No need to get rid of the cat, she's good to both my baby and my older son and I have absolutely no fears regarding her and the kids. I still have no clue how she does what she does, I assume she either meows in their room long enough to wake up the baby or she paws him through the rails of the crib until he wakes up. She has food available at all times, so that's not an issue (and she's really thin btw). Pretty sure she just wants to go outside to do whatever it is cats do at night (roam, hunt, interact). I might have to try the dark room suggestion though, thanks for reminding me - it was the only thing that got her to stop peeing all over the house. That or throwing her out of the house at night altogether, nevermind the cold. Sleep is precious, especially with a baby in the house.

OP here, love all you guys who appreciate the pun, and don't you all worry I do not live at home, I have a job and am not a serial sponger.

Yes I am aware that "that's what they're there for." I personally do not want them there. They make me self conscious. I'm choosing to go to the gym on my own and not for my boyfriend. He tells me I'm beautiful regardless of how I feel about myself. Maybe he can fun something new to grab onto though! Haha! Thanks for the comments though y'all! :)

I guess I didn't put on the FML that I am a male. My wife told me that she wants me to wear my ring (except during work, which is Aviation and we're not allowed). I told her I wasn't comfortable wearing it in the ocean, and she said I had to anyway. After losing my ring, my wife bought snorkel equipment and I spent an hour diving for it until the sun set. My wife and I have been married for 5 years, and we both got a laugh out of it, and we purchased another ring the next day in a Hawaiian market that now has a story and more meaning than the first ring.

Hey everyone! I'm the lucky accidental cave explorer and I'm also alright from the fall, just a little bruised. It is a beautiful cave and, as soon as I can find the time, I'm going to go back into it and see if it connects to the 2 other caves on my property. The irony of the situation is that I was part of a Caving Grotto where I live and had just come out of another new cave just a couple hours before this happened. To answer a question I saw, I happen to rock climb as well, so getting out of the cave wasn't as rough as getting into it lol.

Hello! Wow, was NOT expecting this to get published! Just to let you all know what happened in more detail, the guy came through the drive thru around 3am and ordered $80 worth of food. I must have either read the order wrong or counted wrong and put in an extra cheeseburger. When he called back, I picked up, and he verbally abused me for about 2 minutes about how he was feeling sick because of my ignorance and that I should have known better. When I gave the phone to my manager, she listened, then sighed and responded with, "you're an idiot" and hung up. Haha. He then came back and we had to call the police to make him leave because he was clogging up the drive thru. Unfortunately, we've dealt with worse people.

I really didn't think this would be posted, but thanks for all the hilarious comments! Well, I think I ought to explain it a bit. This person is one of our usual customers and is infamous for being a total idiot. Although this isn't the first time he has complained to us, this is by far the stupidest complaint he's made. He's usually complaining about that the Internet's off and that he can't turn 3G on and so on. Anyway, he didn't get his money back and my boss told him to piss off, so we're all good :).