Miscellaneous: Welcome! - FML

Welcome!

By Anonymous - 24/04/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, my husband and I had the grand opening to our new winery. We had a big sign out front saying "FREE GRAPES", to try and get more people interested. People kept giving us dirty looks when passing. We later realized there was something covering the "G". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 387

You deserved it 10 481

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Same thing different taste

Parking lot chaos

By Clumsy - 03/10/2025 03:00

Today, a bag of grapes fell out of my shopping cart in the parking lot. I bent down to grab them, only for the bag to burst open. I ended up chasing runaway grapes across the tarmac, but it's only when a car of strangers started cheering me on that I took the L, gave up the fight, and went back to buy more, but the remaining stock was moldy and shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 89

Keep quiet

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 23:12 - United States - Hollywood

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 791

You deserved it 3 485

By workworkwork - 03/11/2017 05:00

Today, at the winery, my boss proudly made a spectacle of the new, high quality bottles. After over a year of employment without breaking a bottle, I shattered three before lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 533

You deserved it 452

Wine buffs

By ThatWineGuy - 23/12/2024 14:00 - Australia

Today, some friends and I had a wine tasting evening, and I tried to impress my friends by showing off my extensive knowledge of different wines. I confidently described the subtle "notes of vanilla and oak" in a bottle of wine… only to find out that my "friends" had pranked me, and it was actually grape juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 953

In vino veritas

By Buzz - 29/11/2008 16:11 - France

Today, my husband invited his boss and his wife to dinner. During the meal, I tasted the wine and apologised for its bad quality, saying somewhat annoyed, "Don't drink that, I'll go and look for another bottle." Unfortunately, it was our guests who had brought the wine in question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 122

You deserved it 11 061

They're all yours

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was having a garage sale and my mother-in-law came by to see what I was selling. She decided to buy these ugly green wine glasses that were still unopened. It turns out that she gave those to my wife and me when we got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 133

You deserved it 43 818

Alcohol isn't a drug, it's a drink

By Anonymous - 08/05/2022 10:00

Today, I was carded for trying to buy wine and was told the dates were faded, so they wouldn’t be selling it to me, since they suspected I was underage. I work at the vineyard that produces the wine, I’m the head vintner, and I made the wine in the bottle I wasn’t allowed to buy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 164

By Face fucking palm - 23/07/2014 03:36 - United States - Albany

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 287

You deserved it 13 440

Are you winning?

By Anonymous - 07/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Akron

Today, I bought grapes. Just grapes. At the checkout, the total was $14. I laughed. The cashier didn’t. Now I'll be eating one grape a day like it's caviar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 119

First impressions

By medik - 23/02/2010 12:51 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 993

You deserved it 8 229

Next

Top comments

Crusader0102 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 12:07

Who wouldn't want free rapes?

sniperkit 10

Sunday 24 April 2011 12:09

rape is not funny. this story is, however.

Comments

toasty97 3

Sunday 24 April 2011 18:55

if u have a dirty mind free grapes still sounds dirty......

abcd4242 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 18:58

92 it's called being sarcastic or making a joke

ugliness 6

Sunday 24 April 2011 19:01

he's talking about a hilarious daily webcomic , how exactly is that insane or thumbs-downable? c and h ftw ^~^

Got_any_grapes1 4

Sunday 24 April 2011 19:47

Finally, a story where I can say my most famous line. Got any grapes?

toodowndanny 3

Sunday 24 April 2011 19:55

that is just dumb.

punkkitteh1 0

Sunday 24 April 2011 20:10

I call a fake, I saw this on a webcomic years ago!

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The Top

The Top

Today, we had an office party and everyone had to dress as a dead star. I love Michael Jackson so I dressed up as him. It turns out I looked more like my boss than Michael. I was then written up for "theoretically" killing my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 685

You deserved it 184

Today, I left my lights on in my car, which I only realized at lunchtime, so I made sure to turn the lights off, and tried to start it. The battery was dead, so I called my dad to jump start it before I got back from my game. I later came back from the game and the lights were on. He'd left the lights on after jump starting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 483

You deserved it 6 274

Today, I steeled my nerve, gritted my teeth, pulled my finger out, and asked our new coworker on a date. He looked at me weird, then said those four words, “But I’m not gay.” Five weeks we’ve worked together and all that time he thought I was a man. I’m a woman, born a woman, with a vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 158

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my little sister about trying to hook up with my friends. Married or not. She just turned 18 but I’m hoping this was the first and last time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 93

Today, I want to quit my job so so much. My coworker stresses me out, I have a panic attack every time she calls me. I don't know anything, but it's because I haven't ever done this job before. Why can't she just show me the way instead of being so mean like that? I have trauma from working with this bitch for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 225

Today, I was walking hand in hand with my partner when we met a friend of mine and his two kids. We talked a bit, and his son kept staring at us. The boy then asked me: “Is he your dad?” No, my partner is simply 19 years older than me. And my Oedipus complex is fine, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 874

You deserved it 2 143