Today, we got free turkeys from work along with salmonella. -... - FML

- 25/11/2018 18:46 - United States - Washington

Today, we got free turkeys from work along with salmonella. - FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

BurnInDemonFire 35

Thursday 29 November 2018 0:21

"What the ****, work? This isn't the kind of 'Buy one, get one free' deal I had in mind!"

BurnInDemonFire 35

Thursday 29 November 2018 0:21

"What the ****, work? This isn't the kind of 'Buy one, get one free' deal I had in mind!"

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my longterm girlfriend and I broke up after 2 months of me not being myself, due to repressed memories of a childhood trauma. Prior to this coming up, I was about about ask her to marry me. FML

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Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML

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Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza, and ended up falling asleep on my couch. FML

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Today, I was working at my job at a McDonald's. I was on my break, so I went to use the restroom. When I finished, I tried to open the door, but the lock broke. I was stuck in the basement bathroom for 20 minutes. FML

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Today, I got pulled over for going 85mph in a 60mph zone on a highway in the Everglades. There were cars passing both the cop and me as I was being pulled over. The cop decided I was easiest to catch since I was the slowest of the bunch even though the other cars were topping 100mph. FML

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Today, my daughter found out what happens when my husband watches Mythbusters and doesn't heed the disclaimer to "Not try this at home." He feels bad about her cut face, but says he's proud he can throw a playing card that hard. FML

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