Today, my roommate barged into my bedroom while my girlfriend and I were getting intimate. She freaked out and spun off of me trying to cover herself. I'm now in the hospital with a fractured dingle-dangle. What did he want that was so important? To ask if he could eat last pack of Pop-Tarts. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML
Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML
Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I was woken by my younger sister punching me in the balls. She also pulled the duvet off, and dragged me out of bed by my feet and onto the floor. All because I ate her chocolates, which were a gift. I was left writhing in pain in my underwear right in front of her. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML
Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 30
I need to know the end of this story. Was it OK? Was it OK that he finish the last of the Pop-Tarts?
wickedgetz 30
that was not cool. your roomie should have knocked first. on the 1 hand atleast he had the decency to ask... on the other hand he may have just wanted to see ur gf in the nude.
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Comments (13)
cloudking 5
old tie on the doorknob trick would of saved your wiener here
C8H18 33
Invest in a door lock.
RichardPencil 30
I need to know the end of this story. Was it OK? Was it OK that he finish the last of the Pop-Tarts?
Glowworm56 26
I can't stop laughing at the description of the penis as a "dingle-dangle"
wickedgetz 30
that was not cool. your roomie should have knocked first. on the 1 hand atleast he had the decency to ask... on the other hand he may have just wanted to see ur gf in the nude.
liamthatonekid 5
lmao "dingle-dangle"
Alexis Leann Winter 12
"Dingle dangle" ?
jbuckets_404 38
OUCH! :-(
Fatboy007 9
This is why you keep having sex when someone barges in!
StarkWolf_fml 23
sock on the door man xD