Miscellaneous: Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run... - FML

By kat9232000 - 19/06/2009 04:04 - Canada

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 826

You deserved it 110 520

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Same thing different taste

Brain worms

By Anonymous - 20/02/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, I realized I've been saying "Excuse me" to automatic sliding doors for the past week. They haven't responded yet, but I'll keep you posted on their social skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 180

Let 'em in

By knoppad - 13/06/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 850

You deserved it 51 136

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, I went to run outside, only to smack straight into our sliding glass door. Just a few hours beforehand, my mom put up a strip of colored tape to stop this from happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 366

You deserved it 31 629

Brain fart

By Anonymous - 15/08/2025 00:00 - Australia

Today, I walked up to a store’s automatic doors. They didn’t open. I waved my arms, stepped back and forward again, nothing. A staff member came over, tapped a button, and said, “It’s manual.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 315

Alexa, play "Mr Loverman" by Shabba Ranks

By Anonymous - 15/03/2020 18:07

Today, I was at a store when I saw a cute girl from my school. Trying to act cool, I went to hold the door for her. Too bad it was an automatic door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 1 143

Spatial awareness

By Anonymous - 21/10/2025 20:00

Today, I walked up to what appeared to be an automatic door. I stood for a second, waved my arms, but nothing happened. Then a guy came from behind me, pushed a clearly visible button under a clearly visible sign that read "Push to open." He said, “It’s OK, happens to everyone.” It doesn’t feel like it does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 298

On time

By Anonymous - 11/04/2009 05:40 - Canada

Today, I was walking towards the bus. The bus was scheduled to leave at 3:20, and it was 3:19 so I decided to run for it. As the doors were closing, I managed to just slip my hand into the door, so it didn't fully close. The bus driver saw this, looked at my face, and then drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 379

You deserved it 5 299

Such a gentleman

By Harry123 - 01/09/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I was trying to be polite by holding the door for an elderly lady in a shop. What I didn’t realise was that the doors were automatic. I ended up standing there awkwardly for a good 5 seconds, holding onto thin air, while she just smiled and walked by. A bloke behind me said, “The doors don’t need your help, mate.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 393

Guess I'm coming out in a Ford Focus

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - West End

Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 061

You deserved it 3 178

By thanksbro - 28/09/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I came home from school and ran to the nearest bathroom to go #2. In my hurry, I forgot to shut the door so I asked my older brother who was walking by to close it for me. After a while he didn't respond, so I looked up to see not my brother, but his best friend watching me take a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 858

You deserved it 20 586

Next

Top comments

24788 6

Friday 19 June 2009 12:06

WTF were you trying to prove?

redbluegreen 40

Friday 19 June 2009 12:12

Older brothers will say anything to make you look like an idiot, and you can't move faster then the machine can do it's job. I can't believe you believed him.

Comments

monkey314159 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 2:58

That's only true if you're leaving a store. Try it again.

krispykreem 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 3:46

Are you or have you ever been blond?

emcue786 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 7:30

Nice job. Making a fool outta yourself, that is.

loverslove 0

Monday 22 June 2009 10:52

haha #114 cracks me up XD

supasqueak 0

Monday 22 June 2009 11:34

Sorry but how old are you? Have you never noticed that people usually have to wait for them to respond?

snoopy24_fml 0

Monday 22 June 2009 20:08

this may not be epic, but it's definitely a FAILURE.

TysonFawlay 0

Tuesday 23 June 2009 23:55

Are you ******* retarded?

Tregon 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 0:50

Heh. Did the same thing to my little sister about 3 months ago. =P

chuckles2013 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 7:48

haha...im american and would totally do that...i always believe what my brother says...well most of the time

LilaBear 1

Friday 26 June 2009 12:39

How old are you? Seven?

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Today, I was at the doctor's for a regular check-up. When my appointment was over and I was about to walk out, she yelled across the room in front of everyone, "Oh and if you could lose some weight, that'd be great." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 133

You deserved it 7 041

Today, my boss said to me: 'You know, our competitors are also hiring!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 341

You deserved it 3 054

Today, I went to the doctor for a physical. I've been sitting in the doctor's bathroom for 10 minutes now, trying to think of how to tell him I accidentally tripped and spilled my urine sample on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 091

You deserved it 4 871

Today, and every day I go out in public, I apparently have a sign on my back saying, “If you’re a creepy old man, please harass and stare at me.” The best part? No one my own age has ever spared me even a second look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 158

Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 244

You deserved it 53 853

Today, my mom decided to do something new and borrowed some of my clothes. She's currently wearing a very small pair of short shorts and a very tight tank top. We're going to a very prestigious golf course and she won't change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 297

You deserved it 4 991