Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML
Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML
Today, my girlfriend took off my pants for the first time. She was more impressed by the pattern on my boxers than by my cock. FML
Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care that I am 'below average' in the penis department because it will leave her nice and tight for her next boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
FreshToDeathEf 12
Tell her you're going to start appreciating the little things in life starting with her ****.
toongler 23
oooh that's rough OP. I'm sorry, but hey at least she's appreciating it!!!!
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Comments (113)
Melix 31
Oh dear. OP I'm sorry about that. At least she appreciates your penis, right?
EvilTurtle 35
It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion of the ocean!
13ky13 20
But it's tough to get to England in a row boat.
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
1-not sure why you're in the negative while 2 is in the positive. ..total logic.
hamrtym 15
Because he second guessed it. confidence is key especially when talking about yiur dick. Also, I made a typo and I'm not going to correct it. Cus I have a big dick and little things don't matter.
edmunson 22
Ha ha ha
sashakotlik 14
well at least she's appreciating it
kingsabbo 10
Is she really though?
incoherentrmblr 21
Doesn't matter, had handjob...
toongler 23
oooh that's rough OP. I'm sorry, but hey at least she's appreciating it!!!!
FreshToDeathEf 12
Tell her you're going to start appreciating the little things in life starting with her ****.
Welshite 39
Small boobs are awesome though...
Classy_Sassy15 18
Great come back but small breasts are amazing!!!
FreshToDeathEf 12
I never said they weren't great! I love all boob sizes :D
money2g 7
Assuming they are small, if not then that comeback isn't going to work.
Gillett 23
No, you should say her brain, or contribution to your relationship.
JMichael 25
I personally enjoy boobs that fit in the palms of my hands.
tygerarmy 35
I'd have replied "Even a 747 looks small when flying into the Grand Canyon."
drugsRfun 13
Lol!!
little_one 20
Couldn't have said simple things in life...
randompizzaguy 17
#12 not when they're mosquito bites.
mistress_paz 30
Ouch! Some people like small though?
Gillett 23
Really, WHO? Exactly!
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
no one!!
Dovahkiin_1997 22
It's not necessarily the size, it's how you use it ;)
shepp626 11
Women that don't enjoy getting torn and bleeding every time they have sex.
cantik20 5
Woman ****** have the depth too you know. The average of the depth is 3-5 inches, and when its aroused add 2-3 inches more approximately.
CitricAcid 21
Man, what a dick... that pun was so lame that I deserve to be exiled from the FML community forever
warsun 27
*waves handkerchief*
Retaheki 27
Never forget CitricAcid ????-2015
aukaylaheath 16
Omg.
gurbism 16
Yikes. Don't forget to use plenty of ice on that burn.
marcranger 28
Sounds like OP doesn't need any further shrinkage.
buckstop1 37
Or aloe.
liamk_26 16
If she doesn't appreciate it some else will
appletreee 30
But she is appreciating.. That's the point of the FML..
BlondePsycho 43
Zing! Where does your girlfriend do her standup?