Kids: Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm... - FML

By Anonymous - 28/01/2014 21:57 - Bahrain - Manama

Today, my daughter hugged me around the neck and whispered, "I'm going to cut your head off." I'm afraid to go to sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 729

You deserved it 5 763

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Same thing different taste

Teenagers, amirite?

By JustShootMe - 02/11/2020 07:57 - Australia - Gladstone

Today, my daughter told me she would rather hang herself than hang out with me. All I did was remind her to go to bed at a reasonable time to get some sleep for an activity she likes doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 144

**** my shit up

By hair2daygone4ever - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 970

You deserved it 4 862

By Nuts - 07/11/2015 02:55 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 749

You deserved it 3 177

Home improvement

By ... - 27/07/2014 05:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found my 6 year-old daughter upstairs, lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving, "the carpet a haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 322

You deserved it 5 394

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 14:35 - Taiwan

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 481

You deserved it 4 550

By bTOhno - 13/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 082

You deserved it 4 735

Spooked

By Anonymous - 20/10/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 279

By Anonymous - 06/06/2013 18:47 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 383

You deserved it 3 883

Nightmare mother

By scared shirtless - 18/03/2021 20:01

Today, for the fifth time in a row, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. My mother burst into my room, leaned in real close and said, "So help me God, if you do not stop fucking screaming, I will rip your arms off and beat you with them." I’m never sleeping again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 235

By parenting sucks - 01/07/2011 17:42 - United States

Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 611

You deserved it 5 378

Next

Top comments

FellowYellow 10

Wednesday 29 January 2014 2:11

At least your daughter isn't attempting to suck all the oxygen out of the room so you don't have any left XD But in all seriousness OP you should lock the doors before you sleep, sweet dreams!

onealmxwilson 18

Wednesday 29 January 2014 2:12

How scary this is depends on the age of said daughter.

Comments

Pixonator 1

Thursday 30 January 2014 1:51

how old is the daughter she seriously needs psychological help

NodakN8V 25

Thursday 30 January 2014 3:08

1,2 your daughters coming for you 3,4 better lock your door 5,6 get your crucifix 7,8 better stay up late 9,10 better do it again

Fmlsea 28

Thursday 30 January 2014 10:59

she needs a therapist asap, or a straight jacket .

fatkidfalling 11

Thursday 30 January 2014 14:17

Did you watch Dexter with her???

Lang88 13

Thursday 30 January 2014 19:30

Nice kid you got there. I guess you raised her right.

dvojplisen 25

Friday 31 January 2014 1:04

Are the racist comments allowed here?

dominoL 7

Friday 31 January 2014 14:19

Keep those doors locked :)

Devul143 12

Saturday 1 February 2014 4:51

O_O Dafuq!?

MandaMa 5

Saturday 1 February 2014 19:00

Oh my god hahaha....

SinovaMikas 10

Saturday 1 February 2014 22:19

what do you say or show in your house where a child would learn that.

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Today, all I wanted after a bad week was a takeaway. We had a few houseguests, plus my wife and kids, so the order was on the large side. When it came, the order was perfect, except mine. The only things they forgot were my starter, my main, my side order, and my dessert. Everything else was perfect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 107

Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 318

You deserved it 2 651

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 261

You deserved it 1 256

Today, a woman I've never met drove to the house I live in and tried to buy meth. She knew my name and I have no idea how. I retired from the Army in December and I'm in the hiring process for Customs and Border Protection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 79

Today, after a 10-week internship/interview process, I found out that I was passed up for a job I was competing with the other interns for. I also found out that the girl who sat next to me, who constantly borrowed my notes, and who needed help for every task got hired instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 151

You deserved it 1 211

Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 567

You deserved it 7 961