Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the...

By syl - 11/02/2010 06:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 336

You deserved it 5 235

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Same thing different taste

By BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 173

You deserved it 4 562

By WWJD - 01/03/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 348

You deserved it 1 607

Weird flex, but OK

By mrwilly - 02/01/2015 03:22 - United States - Corona

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 903

You deserved it 4 905

By FlyingFist - 04/12/2012 00:38 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 153

You deserved it 3 454

By CALIdime_15 - 05/05/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 381

You deserved it 4 930

By INside - 02/08/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 085

You deserved it 10 740

By anon - 18/01/2012 18:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 597

You deserved it 5 613

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 03:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 365

You deserved it 10 523

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 811

You deserved it 4 453

By O_O - 12/07/2013 20:15 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 653

You deserved it 5 828

elodea_fml 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 12:14

... he seems cool o_O

quelbaby 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 12:14

hahaha that sounds like something my bf would say as a joke lol.. I hope u took it lightly and mucked around with him bak lol

Comments

nickwk 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 12:33

that's a little disturbing

lovesexhugs 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 12:35

lmao I'm pretty sure I'm jealous of how fast you came up with a nickname... I can't think of one.

perdix 29

Thursday 11 February 2010 14:36

You have a penis?

scuba1722 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 15:40

and you have an imposter perdix!!!

CallMeHush 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 19:53

No, that is his penis posting. jk

seeimdee 0

Monday 15 February 2010 20:38

I'd name my dick; crayola... I had a pun but I forgot it. haha

Bullet4MyChemaMo 12

Wednesday 17 February 2010 15:34

^ This

hippiechick91 0

Monday 28 March 2011 17:29

Perdix, you're lame. Get new jokes.

Astraea 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 12:35

why would i name my penis(if i had one)? could sb please tell me what the point is??

KASHMIR_fml 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 12:38

chill homie. it's a guy thing. don't reply or youll get roundhouse kicked by "chuck Norris".

scuba1722 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 13:26

it really is your second personality it must have a name

perdix 29

Thursday 11 February 2010 15:12

scuba, mine IS my personality, so I don't have to give it a name ;) Astraea, the point is called the head. It is particularly sensitive, so if you ever get to play with a penis, focus extra attention on the point. Your brother, I mean, your friend's husband, oops, I mean your dad. . . what's wrong with me?, I mean your boyfriend will appreciate it.