Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the...

By syl - 11/02/2010 06:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 336

You deserved it 5 235

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Same thing different taste

By BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 173

You deserved it 4 562

By WWJD - 01/03/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 348

You deserved it 1 607

Weird flex, but OK

By mrwilly - 02/01/2015 03:22 - United States - Corona

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 903

You deserved it 4 905

By FlyingFist - 04/12/2012 00:38 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 153

You deserved it 3 454

By CALIdime_15 - 05/05/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 381

You deserved it 4 930

By INside - 02/08/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 085

You deserved it 10 740

By anon - 18/01/2012 18:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 597

You deserved it 5 613

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 03:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 365

You deserved it 10 523

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 811

You deserved it 4 453

By O_O - 12/07/2013 20:15 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 653

You deserved it 5 828

elodea_fml 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 12:14

... he seems cool o_O

quelbaby 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 12:14

hahaha that sounds like something my bf would say as a joke lol.. I hope u took it lightly and mucked around with him bak lol

Comments

fairies633 8

Friday 12 February 2010 4:44

um...

tampura 0

Friday 12 February 2010 4:50

He is awesome. I think I need Jesus in my life.

Diannaa 0

Friday 12 February 2010 5:03

lol they should definately make a FMD. there's more FMD's than FML's on this site

101Alex101 0

Friday 12 February 2010 5:49

#91 is annoying!

ledamonsterbunny 0

Friday 12 February 2010 5:57

ohhh woooow. that's just WRONG. lmaoo

eli20 0

Friday 12 February 2010 6:05

lmao he so funny. i gotta tell my husband this 1, he will love it and take after it...

D4RKM4TT3R 1

Friday 12 February 2010 6:13

AMAZING!! he should have said Jesus wants to hang with Mary half clam!

Emofluffinzhehe 0

Friday 12 February 2010 6:57

ATHEISTS RULE!!! lol just kidding you shouldve said that

nilofc 0

Friday 12 February 2010 7:18

sinful. tell him Hell is real whether he believes it or not. He will have eternity believing in it.

starbucksfan33 0

Friday 12 February 2010 7:38

l0l would you like a blessing from Jesus?? l0l

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Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 486

You deserved it 5 311

Today, while hurrying by bike to an appointment, my chain broke. I quickly got off the road and managed to fix it on the sidewalk, covering my hands in black smear. Dirty but confident about my repair skills, I got up. A second later, felt something warm running down my neck. Bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 941

You deserved it 133

Today, at my wedding, my brother decided it would be funny to trip me as I was walking down the aisle, in front of hundreds of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 333

You deserved it 4 582

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I agree, your life sucks 30 025

You deserved it 4 675

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I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 314

Today, I had to follow a pony that had flatulent, severe diarrhoea for an hour in order to collect enough liquid for a sample. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 353

You deserved it 223

Same thing different taste

Weird flex, but OK

Repetition

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