Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the...

By syl - 11/02/2010 06:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 336

You deserved it 5 235

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Same thing different taste

By BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 173

You deserved it 4 562

By WWJD - 01/03/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 348

You deserved it 1 607

Weird flex, but OK

By mrwilly - 02/01/2015 03:22 - United States - Corona

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 903

You deserved it 4 905

By FlyingFist - 04/12/2012 00:38 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 153

You deserved it 3 454

By CALIdime_15 - 05/05/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 381

You deserved it 4 930

By INside - 02/08/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 085

You deserved it 10 740

By anon - 18/01/2012 18:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 597

You deserved it 5 613

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 03:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 365

You deserved it 10 523

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 811

You deserved it 4 453

By O_O - 12/07/2013 20:15 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 653

You deserved it 5 828

elodea_fml 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 12:14

... he seems cool o_O

quelbaby 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 12:14

hahaha that sounds like something my bf would say as a joke lol.. I hope u took it lightly and mucked around with him bak lol

Comments

sum1two 0

Sunday 12 December 2010 6:48

That's stupid.

wafflesgirl24 0

Monday 20 December 2010 14:21

I would have dumped him right there xD

_Annonymous_ 0

Tuesday 11 January 2011 2:29

lol that's hilarious

dfhgjrthyfuikfrd 0

Wednesday 9 February 2011 18:05

hahaahahahahhaha! xD

xxxjj18 2

Sunday 27 February 2011 1:56

That's when you say "Sorry, I'm atheist."

lgeorge 0

Monday 7 March 2011 0:43

At least shouting out "JESUS!" during sex can actually mean something more to you now.

bigbadblackman 2

Thursday 28 April 2011 1:13

now that's funny

mitmtl 0

Sunday 1 May 2011 9:59

wow. disrespect to Jesus.

liray 4

Wednesday 4 May 2011 13:54

yeah, but he "rises from the dead" later

grigz 0

Saturday 14 May 2011 13:01

name his penis jesus, touch him on the penis.

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Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

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You deserved it 53 285

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You deserved it 55 977

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I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 802

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You deserved it 772

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You deserved it 128

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I agree, your life sucks 1 346

You deserved it 97

Same thing different taste

Weird flex, but OK

Repetition

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