Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first...

By single - 10/11/2010 02:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 462

You deserved it 7 626

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Same thing different taste

By thanks, fuckface - 16/11/2012 19:42 - United States - Parachute

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 225

You deserved it 4 178

By Anonymous - 28/05/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 880

You deserved it 1 808

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 671

You deserved it 9 539

By Anonymous - 21/09/2011 13:17 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 786

You deserved it 6 219

Sensitive snowflake

By onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 450

You deserved it 26 543

Fond memories

By -_- - 13/08/2011 00:05 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 897

You deserved it 4 649

Turn off

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 18:02 - Australia - Wembley

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 108

You deserved it 4 268

Instructions

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 632

You deserved it 16 457

Nomnom

By wow babe - 19/11/2012 17:46 - United States - Arnold

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 115

You deserved it 5 631

By Wawawiwa - 21/07/2010 23:44 - Namibia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 852

You deserved it 53 790

HentaiBunny 4

Wednesday 10 November 2010 9:03

You should have replied with 'Did you want to enter the fiery pits of mordor?' And then spread em ;D

rawr_dani 0

Wednesday 10 November 2010 8:56

o_____o

Comments

docscientist 9

Wednesday 10 November 2010 9:08

That's hilarious, too bad you don't share his sense of humor

slimjim8094 12

Wednesday 10 November 2010 9:54

I'm usually the guy saying that about other girlfriends with no sense of humor, but it's pretty out of place for him during their first time If he were trying to keep it fresh after a while, it'd be different

KVloveBC 0

Wednesday 10 November 2010 9:10

WTF?! did It turn u on tho?

like_its_ya_bday 0

Wednesday 10 November 2010 16:24

lmao that would have been kinda funni for me not an fml

541MedfazWcM 0

Wednesday 10 November 2010 9:12

lmao

syedlink27 0

Wednesday 10 November 2010 9:15

your bf is a national hero. he wins

derangedplanet 23

Thursday 3 September 2015 0:19

He's more than that! I personally love humor in the bedroom and that would have me laughing my ass off. I would definitly not be mad about this. everybody else is way too serious in bed if they don't find this funny.