Kids: Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently,...

By eenkoekje - 13/05/2011 07:20

Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 343

You deserved it 15 926

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 06:13 - Australia

Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 408

You deserved it 17 300

Charlie

By Jonathan lemon - 22/10/2021 20:00

Today, I picked my son up from school, and asked how his day went. He told me how his friend explained to him that his mommy snorts sugar with his uncle, and if he could try what his friend's mom calls "Booger sugar" when we got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 96

Creepy kid

By Anonymous - 05/03/2022 16:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, I realized it was mistake telling my son to toughen up and fight his own battles when he told me he was getting bullied. Apparently, his idea of fighting his own battles involves ipecac. I don't know where he got it, but when I asked, he just gave the Kubrick stare and denied knowing what I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 1 013

Proof

By George Saunders - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 154

You deserved it 54 235

By Ramis182 - 03/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 778

You deserved it 6 031

Good boy

By anonymous - 16/03/2011 02:05

Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal. My son had pooped in the schoolyard, then gave the teacher a Ziploc bag, and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 200

You deserved it 6 162

By Anonymous - 07/09/2012 05:08 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to go into school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 759

You deserved it 3 341

Off his **** on placebos

By being this dumb should hurt - 17/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 163

Never again

By Lex - 21/05/2025 21:00 - United States - Edison

Today, I gave my kid some Pop Rocks. He shoveled a handful in his mouth, then screamed when they started popping and spat them all over the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 450

Fire hasard

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 18:23 - United States - Ridge

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 649

You deserved it 3 072

iAmScrubs 19

Friday 13 May 2011 16:05

He thought he was Charlie Sheen. Don't blame him.

Igor_g5 0

Friday 13 May 2011 16:08

You didn't teach him how to tell real coke from BS. That's where you went wrong.

Comments

fox333 0

Wednesday 25 May 2011 23:10

why is it that parents can't diseplen there kids and teachers can't teach

Bpark2011 0

Sunday 29 May 2011 8:24

I agree with Jumber10. No one should call their child a Twerp.

itswhateveridk 0

Sunday 29 May 2011 17:39

it's your fault moron. he didn't raise himself.

LK212 0

Thursday 2 June 2011 5:50

he think he so cool

Garcia512 0

Wednesday 8 June 2011 19:19

kids do what their parents do

hateevryone 14

Wednesday 29 June 2011 7:32

you should have a serious talk with this clown

katierose112996 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:33

this has to be fake. who calls their kid a twerp??

cupcaketits 0

Sunday 17 July 2011 18:41

#Winning

ronbog 0

Saturday 20 August 2011 10:45

Charlie Sheen: the early years.

eenkoekje 4

Wednesday 4 January 2012 7:21

i actually didnt write anything about him being a twerp when i sent in the story...the moderation must have changed it before it was published. and yes im dutch. and yes he was 14.