Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year-old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was with my friend and her entire family at a restaurant. While we were eating, her brother who is really cute asked what "brown sauce" is. I said thats probably 'penis' sauce. I'd meant to say 'peanut sauce' but the damage was done. The entire family just stared. FML
Today, I went to dinner with my husband's family to celebrate our nephew's birthday. He spent the entire dinner flirting with his sister, then got offended when I said that his behavior was weird. FML
Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML
Today, I threw a pillow at my 8 year-old cousin while play-fighting. She gave me a look, then muttered, "You don't have any girlfriends and the girls that talk to you probably have no taste." FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy, and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML
Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
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Top comments
fallenshadow16 25
Honest mistake. Kids say the funniest things some times and it catches you off guard.
coming back in the future 30
But the question is, do you like peanuts?
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Comments (43)
lexred 30
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Its your fault OP if u think a 8 year old is going to ask u if u like penis.
idefka 34
the little ***** at the elementary school will.
kl0x 8
Not really. Depends on education, but some kids are surprising.
divinorum11 11
A 9 year old taught me the word "*****" when I was in 2nd grade. I'm positive somewhere there are 8 year olds who know a thing or two about the word "penis."
lifeof_toad 19
I agree with #10 You'd be surprised at what words kids know. I heard a 4 year old repeatedly say the F word & my 12 year old cousin lives in an environment where people are cussing so she does it too.
soulreaper12296 28
Why not? I said "ass" and "shit" when I was 3.
catherinecas 30
I used to ask people if they "baginas" when I was five or six.
kirkaygri 18
My daughter is 7 and knows what a penis is. She has helped my babysit baby boys. She knows that's what makes boys boys and that vaginas makes girls girls. We haven't gotten into why people develop their sex organs, but I'm sure we will soon, the different chemicals that define your sex. We also don't use funny, pet names, we use penis and ******. I see no reason to sugar coat body parts..
melody309 35
In second grade, my friend taught me what oral sex was. :/
T1A2Z3 34
Like a tutorial...?
UhHuhHoney 20
Poor kid.
Zappaz 32
That's hilarious :)
sturschaedel 27
You need to learn how to control your bodily functions. Misunderstanding can happen, but that is no reason to spew the contents of your mouth everywhere. Much less on another person. Poor girl.
noisyboy4000 23
It was an accident. Sometimes something is so surprising or funny that people can't help but react like that if something's in their mouth. That's like telling someone to stop themselves from snorting if they laugh too hard
liv1222 29
Wow, you're an ass. It was an accident. It was obviously a honest mistake.
coming back in the future 30
But the question is, do you like peanuts?
cloudyface 23
No the question is does she like penis?
vikky538 28
No. OP has penis allergy..
evanmurphy 14
It's not your fault for not being aware of her mispronunciation habits. Explain that to them and maybe it'll sort itself out. Good luck OP.
fallenshadow16 25
Honest mistake. Kids say the funniest things some times and it catches you off guard.
BadApple88 29
"You put the peanut in the peanut hole!" lol
bandaidstations 28
When I was teaching at head start, a 3yr old asked me where I pee. I told him that was a question for.his dad and he responded "I know, you don't have a dick, you have a cooter and guys hump you" Turns out, his mom was watching port with him in the room. She got 302ed not long after.
teazyfisher 15
But you do like penis?
Mathalamus 24
Nice job. Next time, try to confirm if this is actually what you heard.
GhostFox 33
How would you have liked them to ask for clarification with a mouthful of liquid? Fish speak? Telepathy? Charades? Let alone for them to stop themself from laughing when asked that without warning? There's also the fact that if OP hadn't spat out their drink they likely would have either choked on their drink or aspirated it due to the way that the chest and throat muscles spasm during laughter. It's more or less a built in reaction to expel liquids from the mouth of the body is about to either inhale or exhale air. Do you magically always know before beginning to drink that no one will make you laugh?
mrsmikelowrey 15
Clarify with whom? The kid? The same kid who had a problem saying 'peanuts' in the first place? That kid will end up in tears because they'll think you're making fun of them! Then go tell their parents anyways! How do I know? Something like this has happened in my family before.
Enslaved 36
Best FML! Last month, I had the producer of Bangbus come into my noisy workplace. Not knowing who he was, he asked if I liked corn? I didn't know that he actually said "****" and I when on and on about "of course! who doesn't? All but creamed. Etc..." :/
badlandsx1989 1
You should make this into an FML