Intimacy: Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral...

By Dontworryaboutit - 28/12/2009 10:16 - United States

Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 468

You deserved it 38 985

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Same thing different taste

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 469

You deserved it 785

Bored

By Taylor parsons - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 467

You deserved it 7 546

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 196

You deserved it 5 590

By shitfaced - 18/09/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 709

You deserved it 9 541

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 06:47 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 375

You deserved it 35 785

By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 137

You deserved it 23 561

By salad - 28/04/2014 15:38 - United States - North Charleston

Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 989

You deserved it 5 325

Right in the pecker

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 23:01

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 130

You deserved it 489

Disproportionate response

By Anonymous - 09/09/2023 04:00

Today, my girlfriend asked me to lick her ass. I obliged, only for her to rip a rancid fart directly on my tongue. Its been two hours and I'm still nauseous. Apparently, this was revenge for my "badgering her" for anal sex. I'd mentioned that butt play is one of my kinks, and dropped it when she wasn't interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 605

You deserved it 206

Ouch

By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 23:12 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 661

You deserved it 29 406

KrystleLynn 0

Monday 28 December 2009 17:25

your girlfriend rules dude. don't **** with her.

g3rusz 6

Monday 28 December 2009 16:47

On one hand, your life sucks because your GF doesn't. On the other hand, her reaction was absolutely hilarious...

Comments

twickr 0

Monday 8 February 2010 18:44

Well, have you done it to her? If not, why should she? I imagine it doesn't taste nice!

jmendez52 0

Wednesday 10 March 2010 8:06

my girlfriend did something like that too!! all u have to do is wait...

screwlife23 0

Friday 12 March 2010 22:45

@23 I seriously hope ur girlfriend cheats on you with ur best friend. u deserve it. **** off jackass!!

KSerenity 0

Friday 23 April 2010 23:13

ÓMG If She Ain't Gunna Give You Oral You Should So Dump Her Ass

scabrakazaam 0

Saturday 24 April 2010 7:53

It sounds like you pester her too much of course she won't. And if you want her to go down on you then you'd better return the favor. Offer a 69. Or is she a virgin and waiting for marriage? Hate to say it but you sound like a pig.

SheoDagana 0

Tuesday 1 June 2010 23:12

There could be many reasons as to WHY she won't. Not enough information is here to really say one way or the other, so everyone really should lay off the OP. Just be patient. I was seeing a girl for well over a year before she finally started giving me head. And she found out she loved it when she did! Hang in there

ilysfm09 1

Friday 4 June 2010 6:24

hah wow your all some ****** man ******. dont dump her op, she'll do it when shes ready, damn

SaturnE_fml 0

Sunday 13 June 2010 7:13

"Today, I hinted to my husband I was in the mood, he continued to eat. I told him I would like to make love, he took a butter knife and rammed it into the bitten part of his Pizza Pocket and looked me in the eye. He indicated the Pizza Pocket, 'This is your ******.'. 'And this is a knife'"