Intimacy: Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions...

By mc_dreamy - 21/08/2010 16:49 - United States

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 676

You deserved it 16 056

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Same thing different taste

By Soaked - 20/05/2010 15:20 - United States

Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 413

You deserved it 4 703

By teacher - 25/01/2013 05:25 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 599

You deserved it 3 186

By gorillalove - 11/09/2010 19:25 - United States

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 325

You deserved it 10 570

I am sexy

By Anonymous - 19/12/2019 18:00

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 497

You deserved it 508

By Anonymous - 04/04/2015 12:53 - United States

Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 607

You deserved it 4 256

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 14:05 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 078

You deserved it 3 121

Ummmm… OK?

By Lionman - 05/04/2012 05:11 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 394

You deserved it 2 734

By DuhSteven - 06/06/2012 17:04 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I had my first ever shift at the zoo. My job is to explain the characteristics and habits of various animals to the visitors. A five-year-old outsmarted me while I was talking about lions. FML

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You deserved it 26 591

Pet this!

By shando - 08/11/2009 02:13 - United States

Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spit directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated then shook its tail, which splattered it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 610

You deserved it 3 585

By wtf bro - 20/05/2015 08:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 245

You deserved it 3 644

xsnapxitsxjustin 0

Saturday 21 August 2010 23:22

oooh .. aha u need to guide that kid . before she becomes a single mom on the future .. haha

jussjess 0

Saturday 21 August 2010 23:23

WOW! What has she been learning at preschool!?

Comments

H0LLiiW0OD 0

Saturday 21 August 2010 23:38

haha this is hilarious!! =]

dubstep87 0

Saturday 21 August 2010 23:42

hahaha !!!!!

RockstarChickxD 1

Saturday 21 August 2010 23:43

Haha xD this reminds me of the movie "orphan"

mnemonicdaze 0

Sunday 22 August 2010 0:03

that's the first thing I thought!

flgirlwguitar 2

Saturday 21 August 2010 23:44

A father and his son were taking a walk in the park when they came across 2 dogs mating. The son asks his father what they are doing, and the father, deciding his son is too young for that talk, makes up a story: "The dog on top hurt his paw. And the dog on the bottom is helping him home." "Gee," the son said. "You try and help someone out and you get screwed every time." (Not my original joke either).