Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I bit into my pen and smeared my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML
Today, I was absentmindedly playing with a piece of lint. When I looked at it, I realized that I had been rolling and squeezing a dead spider in my fingers for about five minutes. FML
Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML
Maths
Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Best teeth in the game
Today, I was chewing my pen while I was paying attention to my teacher. I chewed a bit too hard, and something broke off, so I casually looked at my pen. It was unharmed. One of my front teeth had broken off. Everyone in class, including the teacher, had to see it before I could call my dentist. FML
Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML
Happy meal
Today, I was eating lunch outside with my friends, when a spider fell on one guy's back. I glanced at it and opened my mouth to warn him when another guy flicked it and it went into my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML
Top comments
leaper66 12
Hope it didn't taste too bad...
BeepBeepSwerve 9
a little mid afternoon snack!
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Comments (75)
leaper66 12
Hope it didn't taste too bad...
Adeptus_Astartes 22
Ah, you're one of those people who rushes to comment on every new FML.
Welshite 39
#10: What's wrong with commenting on every FML? She thinks she has something relevant to say, so let her. Her comment was much more relevant than yours.
leaper66 12
It's not a witty comment. It's not an empathetic comment. It's just a comment that will eventually be buried by more fml entries. Sorry if I have offended you in some way.
Adeptus_Astartes 22
You're right, I'm just mad at her for taking 1st )=
wanted_2_want 40
So, it is true that you Canadians apologize for everything #17 ... And I thought it was only a tease! Sorry about that
munchie_omnom 10
Dim wit. Sorry
BeepBeepSwerve 9
a little mid afternoon snack!
orbit 22
Mmm protein
chadermcchaf 16
Another quick way to get fiber, for the low price of free! (Warning, may feel crawling in stomach)
ethan043 18
your avatar goes perfect with this FML
Michael903 18
A last doesn't act...go spider!!
sayyestothedress 24
Afterlife attack!
Imareth 10
YDI for A) Not just catching the spider and putting it outside, and B) After killing it, leaving its corpse just stuck to the end of a pencil.
pinkster2014 25
Well maybe she did dispose of the spider's corpse, but then forgot about the icky germs that remain.
larrena2377 26
Who catches a spider and puts it outside?
martin8337 35
PETA
juturnaamo 29
Same here. Or I just leave them, because they protect the house.
supernerd95 17
protect the house?.. how?
Marcella1016 31
I also catch and put outside. If I was the spider, I wouldn't want some giant behemoth arbitrarily killing me when all I do is catch and dispose of bugs for them. That's just me, though. I'm one of those weirdos who doesn't like to kill things smaller than me just because I can.
Foreverlkjakh9283!@@ 9
There is a reason why people kill them. The fear and killing of spiders is a natural instinct to humans. Why? Even if the spider isn't dangerous from a bite, you don't know unless you know your spiders. People die all the time from getting bitten by spiders. So, excuse us for being smart and killing the killer before it kills us.
arachnophile 13
By that logic we should be killing anything that's a threat to us. Biggest threat to people? Other people. Seriously.
Levvy 22
"The fear and killing of spiders is a natural instinct to humans." Aaaactually, no. Research on the topic has shown fear of spiders, as well as a lot of "creepy crawlies" in general, is a learned, cultural behavior that's comorbid with equally irrational fears of harmless critters. You were raised in a culture where it's normal and just generalized it to the rest of the planet. For starters, look up G.C. Davey's "The 'Disgusting' Spider: The Role of Disease and Illness in the Perpetuation of Fear of Spiders," published in Society & Animals, or his article "Why Are We Afraid of Spiders?" published by Psychology Today. Of course, since you've already given an implied sentiment that you literally believe any given spider is a "killer", you may well be out of the reach of factual information at this point.
whatsittoyabitch 15
Free proteins! :)
eleven22 11
The incy wincy spider climbed up the waterspout, down came the pencil and squished all its guts out...
Dillyduzit 23
At least you're brave enough to keep using the pencil after having killed a spider with it. If it were me, that pencil would be long gone. And that's just assuming I could muster the courage to kill the spider at all in the first place. So props to you on that, OP.
KittyLahv 27
That pencil was a weapon of battle! I'd keep it close by in case I needed to slay any more spiders.
Dillyduzit 23
That might be a good idea as long as you don't have an oral fixation like the OP.
Agtthepw 21
Does it count as one of the 20 something spiders we are supposed to eat in a lifetime?
badblaby 8
That's been debunked as a stupid unfounded myth
tantanpanda 26
well, to be fair, that can't actually be proved. nobody is going to do a study with 30+ people (n > 30 for normal data) and record them sleeping for the rest of their lives to see if they swallow a spider in their sleep.
bgorch01 11
8 times the legs, 8 times the flavor! (Sorry OP, hope it wasn't too bad.)
Zx_MaSsAcRe_xZ 13
Actually "8 times" refers to multiplication so lets say the normal amount of legs on most animals, it would be "2 times the legs" and if your refering to "normal" legs on humans then it would be "4 times the legs" unless you live in an alternate dimension with dominantly 1 legged creatures and for some reason have internet that can hop through the multiverse. In that case, im wrong.
supernerd95 17
lol.. good one #35
rastapus 7
YDI for killing the spider
arachnophile 13
Tastes like karma to me!
Geeve95 11
Hey look at the bright side with all those spider juices at the end of the pencil who knows you might turn into Spider-Man.