Wanker and Intimacy: Today, I heard grunting noises from my brother's room, like when... - FML

By guh - 31/08/2016 15:54 - Malaysia - Subang Jaya

Spicy

Today, I heard grunting noises from my brother's room, like when he's having a seizure, so I went in to help. And now I need brain bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 791

You deserved it 4 293

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Same thing different taste

By thisisbad - 12/10/2009 14:21 - Malaysia

Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 010

You deserved it 2 795

By Anonymous - 08/04/2015 17:19 - United States - Ann Arbor

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my 17-year-old brother jerking it to a scene from the movie Frozen. Brain bleach, please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 374

You deserved it 4 656

You probably do

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 22:01

Spicy

Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 237

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 06:28 - United States - Calhan

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 587

You deserved it 3 455

By Anonymous - 06/11/2010 11:45 - Australia

Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 340

You deserved it 5 606

Baseless assumptions

By afafakfhsg - 19/02/2011 00:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 406

You deserved it 12 114

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 05:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend went down on me for the first time. Just as I was reaching climax, my brother raced into the bathroom right next to my door and began to vomit extremely loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 166

You deserved it 5 578

By whymyroomthough - 06/08/2014 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 224

You deserved it 3 233

Kinda sus

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 21:31 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 361

You deserved it 9 779

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 12:43 - Canada - Bedford

Spicy

Today, I entered the bathroom to discover that my brother had left semen and filthy water all over the floor and counter. I confronted him and demanded that he clean it up. My parents heard, sighed, and sent me back into the bathroom to clean it up myself. The towel was soaked too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 947

You deserved it 1 596

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Top comments

AnthraxPrincess 18

Wednesday 31 August 2016 23:57

Well, at least you were concerned about your brother and turns out he was totally fine. Imagine if you didn't go check on him and it was really a seizure. Fyl, though, OP. Hope you can get that image out of your mind someday.

feven 32

Thursday 1 September 2016 0:01

At least he didn't actually have a seizure.

Comments

SpectralTrix 7

Sunday 4 September 2016 15:56

Did he nut?

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Today, I went to my favorite all you can eat buffet. The cook tapped my shoulder and told me to stop eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 448

You deserved it 15 866

Today, an old friend of mine texted me, saying we should hang out. I thought it was really sweet and was excited to see her again, until she realized that she was texting the wrong person, and canceled our plans immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 619

You deserved it 1 345

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 796

You deserved it 4 395

Today, it's White Day, a tradition in Japan where men buy gifts for women. A coworker walks in with gifts, hands them out to the local women, explains the holiday to a new guy, and walks out. I'm the only person in our office who didn't get a Valentine's Day or White Day gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 949

You deserved it 1 450

Today, I'm sick with a fever, and on my cycle I was too tired and forgot to change my tampon, and ended up putting another one in. I woke up to go to the bathroom and ended up pulling two out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 373

Today, my boyfriend told me that his daughter only liked me because she thought that we look like siblings. FML

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You deserved it 97