Animals: Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my...

By anonymous - 17/07/2013 04:48 - United States - Katy

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 678

You deserved it 7 409

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

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Same thing different taste

Pink tax

By banj0 - 06/10/2012 22:58 - United States - Madison

Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 808

You deserved it 2 222

By Anonymous - 11/06/2019 06:00

Today, I was picking up after my dog with a poo baggie over my hand, like a mitten. Too bad the bottom ripped open and my bare hand poked through it just as I grabbed a big handful of steaming dog turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 875

You deserved it 305

Pull!

By buttpicker - 19/04/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 621

You deserved it 4 603

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 208

You deserved it 1 200

Many such cases

By clitorasaurus - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 818

You deserved it 33 193

It's Caturday, respect our feline leaders

By believekimber - 09/07/2022 16:00

Today, I was feeding my pets and playing with my puppy when I suddenly felt something behind me. My cat is on the arm of the couch steadily spanking my butt with his paw. I can't win! FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 279

Bad boy

By darlingditz - 02/04/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 551

You deserved it 12 537

By Genuine D - 13/05/2017 08:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 512

You deserved it 454

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 462

You deserved it 9 343

Fight! Fight!

By LostInSunday - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I accidentally slapped myself in the face with my belt when I pulled it from my belt loops too quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 563

You deserved it 2 954

Zack6849 8

Wednesday 17 July 2013 12:02

How the hell did a toy hand get up your dog's ass? on second thought, don't want to know.

Chelsea_bella 20

Wednesday 17 July 2013 12:03

You got the shit slapped out of you while at the same time, getting the shit slapped onto you.

Comments

wowthatissad 9

Monday 22 July 2013 1:34

High five

UofLCardFan08 6

Wednesday 24 July 2013 7:38

And this would be the moment where you explain how a toy got into your dog's ass.

Baller_Bob 17

Thursday 13 March 2014 13:57

I'm sorry but this has to be the funniest FML ever

worldclassrager 39

Thursday 9 October 2014 15:52

That's a real slap in the face... On my way out don't even bother

GAeroNKissR 26

Wednesday 2 December 2015 6:18

O MY GOD I HONESTLY JUST LAUGHED OUT LOUD !!! The image in my head - ahahahahaha

notjordansime 12

Thursday 18 August 2016 12:43

Up top!

LyricaSilvan 29

Saturday 17 September 2016 2:46

The number of people asking how it got there makes me sad for humanity. Are people really that incapable of thinking things through?

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The Top

Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 255

You deserved it 6 268

Today, my boss told me he suspected his wife was cheating on him. I told him to pull up her Facebook page to look for suspicious activity. I looked at her profile picture and said, "Damn, that girl next to her fine! You know her?" It was his sixteen year-old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 950

You deserved it 40 243

Today, I was playing some children's music while I cooked so my two-year-old was entertained a little. I started dancing while cooking and she looked at me with a straight face and said, "Mama... Don't dance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 992

You deserved it 675

Today, a patient explained to me what treatment he thought I was supposed to give him by showing me a TikTok video. For one, I'm a surgeon, not a dentist, but even if I was, I wouldn't do root canal treatments at 2 a.m. in an emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 81

Today, I had to take my son to hospital because he had two Lego pieces up his nose. He’s 19 and shoved them up there because he was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 167

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family for the first time. My mother's immediate reaction was, "We didn't know you were gay!" No mom, she really is a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 47