Animals: Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my...

By anonymous - 17/07/2013 04:48 - United States - Katy

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 678

You deserved it 7 409

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Pink tax

By banj0 - 06/10/2012 22:58 - United States - Madison

Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 808

You deserved it 2 222

By Anonymous - 11/06/2019 06:00

Today, I was picking up after my dog with a poo baggie over my hand, like a mitten. Too bad the bottom ripped open and my bare hand poked through it just as I grabbed a big handful of steaming dog turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 875

You deserved it 305

Pull!

By buttpicker - 19/04/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 621

You deserved it 4 603

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 208

You deserved it 1 200

Many such cases

By clitorasaurus - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 818

You deserved it 33 193

It's Caturday, respect our feline leaders

By believekimber - 09/07/2022 16:00

Today, I was feeding my pets and playing with my puppy when I suddenly felt something behind me. My cat is on the arm of the couch steadily spanking my butt with his paw. I can't win! FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 279

Bad boy

By darlingditz - 02/04/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 551

You deserved it 12 537

By Genuine D - 13/05/2017 08:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 512

You deserved it 454

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 462

You deserved it 9 343

Fight! Fight!

By LostInSunday - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I accidentally slapped myself in the face with my belt when I pulled it from my belt loops too quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 563

You deserved it 2 954

Zack6849 8

Wednesday 17 July 2013 12:02

How the hell did a toy hand get up your dog's ass? on second thought, don't want to know.

Chelsea_bella 20

Wednesday 17 July 2013 12:03

You got the shit slapped out of you while at the same time, getting the shit slapped onto you.

Comments

Chevrille 8

Thursday 18 July 2013 8:44

What a slap in the face.

elliepenguin 5

Thursday 18 July 2013 9:15

That high five must've been the shit!

SAgirl 20

Thursday 18 July 2013 13:35

Another reason not to have dogs.

hockeyduude1477 3

Thursday 18 July 2013 13:53

How did it get there????

Starchild2229 12

Thursday 18 July 2013 17:05

What the 5 fingers say to the face?? SLAP!!!!

carnage45567 10

Thursday 18 July 2013 22:52

That's shitty

shadow7x 10

Friday 19 July 2013 4:49

Haha that's hilarious

Slyguy713 5

Friday 19 July 2013 20:14

Holy shit that is awesome.

UnluckyLolfire 15

Sunday 21 July 2013 4:24

I am unsure as to whether or not I want context for this.

stitesy29 18

Sunday 21 July 2013 20:06

And how did it get up your dog's ass?

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Parenting Poopoo peepee Kids Family Cheating Love Fight NSFW Awkward Sex Intimacy Lonely Shopping AITA Work Make up Money Miscellaneous Dreams Medication Liar Weird Weddings Embarrassing Anniversary Health Confused Healthy Lifestyle Neighbours Noise

The Top

Today, I was feeling depressed. I overheard my mom crying on the phone. She said, “If my daughter kills herself, who’s going to do the dishes?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258

You deserved it 109

Today, I woke up in a puddle of blood after 7 hours of sleep. Before going to bed, I had inserted a tampon that should've kept me dry for at least 8 hours. Apparently it doesn't work well if sleepy me forgets to take the top part of the plastic wrapping off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 468

You deserved it 1 254

Today, after putting in 110% at my shitty job for two years straight, my boss told me point-blank I'm too good in my current position for him to ever be able to justify promoting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 089

You deserved it 1 666

Today, I went to see my girlfriend to talk about my anxiety, because it's been a big issue. She broke up with me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 129

Today, and every day, is a reminder of things I can't have. Simple things, like a partner who understands me or a best friend. Not the best friend title that we give away, but a real best friend. The person that you can rely on emotionally. I see abusers have whole families, but I can't get people to stay in my life. I feel alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 231

Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonald's, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 904

You deserved it 7 988