Intimacy, Embarrassing, Porn and Wanker: Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were... - FML

By lunarboy - 17/02/2009 00:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 707

You deserved it 68 991

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Same thing different taste

Class dismissed

By Anonymous - 27/05/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I was watching porn with no headphones, because my roommate had left for work. He didn’t fill me in that his girlfriend was, one, even over at our place, and two was using the room next to me to teach her third grade class. Yeah. I’m going to get headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 1 179

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 21:50 - United States - Franklin Park

Spicy

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 423

You deserved it 43 222

Frustrated

By skipper - 12/02/2009 17:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 837

You deserved it 12 100

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 16:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 867

You deserved it 2 438

Sneaky hand shandy

By Skylan - 13/11/2008 10:31 - France

Spicy

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch porn on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear, but It wasn't until she came out of the bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 805

You deserved it 58 976

Broadcasting

By Anonymous - 16/01/2025 13:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, at 1 a.m., I had my headphones on trying to watch porn. I live in an apartment with thin ass walls anyway, and I didn’t realize my headphone jack had come undone. The volume was terrible on the video so I raised it louder, not realizing it until like maybe halfway through the video, and my window was also open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 550

Make it stop

By Headphones - 21/07/2009 21:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 694

You deserved it 5 715

Caught spunk-handed

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, I was watching porn in the living room with the volume turned up, because I was under the impression that my family had already left for vacation. It turns out my cousin and his girlfriend were upstairs the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 2 257

By Anonymous - 24/04/2009 20:21 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 642

You deserved it 77 925

By Bluetooth Connection - 01/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 4 521

Next

Top comments

crazybaish69 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 6:19

WOW thats bad.

icanhazfmlz 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 6:57

What a nice roommate.

Comments

wickliffe 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 4:15

win for your room mate though!

woahmandi 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 12:42

haha. that was freaking hilarious. your roomate sounds awesome.

Woop_Woop 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 21:53

thats a good **** watching tip there kids

thatpianoguy612 0

Sunday 6 September 2009 8:15

Just common sense, really.

aidenkush 0

Saturday 27 February 2010 21:03

hahahahahahahaha!!!

z620 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 5:05

1 wierd 2 fail

alimx 6

Wednesday 14 April 2010 22:28

agree.

txgirl2013 14

Monday 3 May 2010 21:48

wow.and you couldn't tell that the headphones wasn't plugged in? YDI for being a horny ****

My2864 1

Sunday 13 June 2010 3:45

why do ya whack off when someome else is in the room? asleep or not

MiGman 5

Thursday 24 June 2010 3:04

#23 lots of people. op it's called an iPod touch

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Today, I felt confident after a maths exam and thought I did rather well. When discussing the exam with my class mates afterwards, they kept talking about how difficult question 10 was. I only did 9 questions. Apparently the exam paper had a backside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 001

You deserved it 11 971

Today, I asked my girlfriend if maybe she wanted to actually leave the house for date night. All I got was, “Why? We have takeaway menus.” When I insisted we leave the house for once, she got suspicious, like I was trying to hide something bad. She’s not talking to me until I admit what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 145

Today, I went to the doctor's office to get my yearly check up. Soon after I got home, I threw up and somehow had a fever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 86

Today, my friend, who I'm moving in with, flew up to drive from Pennsylvania to Texas, where she lives, with me. I went to the airport to pick her up and we discovered she accidentally flew to the wrong airport. On the other side of the state. I'm driving through the night to rescue her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 161

You deserved it 1 362

Today, while at the bakery, I stood there trying to pick between black forest and dark chocolate. The salesman said kindly, "I've heard dark chocolate helps you lose weight. Yeah, you'd definitely want dark chocolate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 032

You deserved it 4 689

Today, despite my warnings and knowing I hate them, my wife got a trashy tattoo of an eye on her ankle, like she’s Count Olaf. How is she going to get a job with that thing? FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 726