Kids: Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed...

By diddlebuag - 27/05/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 061

You deserved it 6 253

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What happened?

By ....ew - 05/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 182

By myself - 30/01/2012 05:24 - Canada

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 378

You deserved it 3 963

By Noname - 09/03/2009 23:36 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting my co-worker's son. He was eating Jell-o and spilled it on his top, so I pulled off his PJ's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 038

You deserved it 6 077

Bad babysitter

By cantprovenothing - 18/04/2014 21:31 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 631

You deserved it 48 862

By TCRII - 19/01/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 3 857

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 754

You deserved it 7 597

By Failed Parent - 11/10/2012 06:59 - United States

Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 954

You deserved it 4 647

By sadmommy - 23/04/2012 22:51 - United States - Keller

Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 568

You deserved it 6 206

Can't handle my drinks

By Anonymous - 06/02/2025 07:00 - Philippines - San Jose del Monte

Today, I drank cocktails and shots. On the way home, I had to pee so bad that I only got to the front door and peed all over our carpet. My mom saw the whole thing and my dad saw the aftermath with the super drenched carpet and shoes. My mom had to mop the floor after I ran to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 753

Future Darwin Award

By don'tdrinkthat - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 626

You deserved it 4 923

Freeze_fml 16

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:27

Sounds like a fair payment.

Soloman212 28

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:27

Well he was trying to wake her up! Or mark his territory... one of the two.

Comments

1221jamw 11

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:53

smart son

TylersMB 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:55

thats gross. but hey maybe the kid set her up to get her fired.

balest22 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:55

why the **** do u need a babysitter u poor ass *****?

eradonnes 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:58

maybe she works u idiot.trying to not be a poor ass *****

Egnar 19

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:59

What does having a babysitter have to do with being poor?

trainheartnet 1

Saturday 28 May 2011 2:06

Shut up

stevenmx86 7

Saturday 28 May 2011 1:59

I agree she deserves to have been peed on.. Sorry that your baby sitter didn't work out though

trainheartnet 1

Saturday 28 May 2011 2:02

Funny as heck

Ieatpeople17 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 2:05

Good

CustomMisery 1

Saturday 28 May 2011 2:07

go little dude!

kouklistax3 2

Saturday 28 May 2011 2:14

your son is my hero. but saying that makes me feel like a creep considering he's not old enough to stay home alone.

pinkspaceboundro 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 2:16

no ma'am- I would have woke her ass up only to knock her ass back out!!!

alisa162 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 3:38

Bahaha! :)

dodgingflames 7

Sunday 29 May 2011 10:14

for reallll

kobeford 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 2:25

well next time don't hire Ke$ha to watch your kids!

kut19 6

Saturday 28 May 2011 3:34

this is the third Ke$ha comment.

IHeartJimi02 0

Saturday 28 May 2011 4:59

why does everyone keep saying Kesha? Just because she drank jack Daniels?

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You deserved it 3 895

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I agree, your life sucks 528

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You deserved it 3 971

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You deserved it 1 358