Dogs, Weird and Animals: Nothing better to do

Nothing better to do

By Anonymous - 28/03/2012 06:57 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 165

You deserved it 40 332

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Same thing different taste

Good boy

By fall3nrain - 11/09/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 822

You deserved it 7 181

By sleepy - 23/12/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 213

You deserved it 5 941

He's still a very good boy

By Anonymous - 28/11/2024 12:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my dog barked at his own reflection in the mirror for five full minutes. When I tried to calm him down, he started barking at me like I was in on the conspiracy that seemed to be going on in his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 113

By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 745

You deserved it 8 330

By lessinterestingthanadog - 08/11/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 311

You deserved it 3 818

By BadBreath - 09/04/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 695

You deserved it 9 397

Stinky

By Anonymous - 16/10/2025 22:00

Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 639

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 105

You deserved it 8 778

It found you

By Anonymous - 20/04/2020 02:00

Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 1 227

By A - 09/02/2012 06:37 - United States

Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 703

You deserved it 4 152

saIty 17

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:33

"Why is my master looking at m-SQUIRRAL!!!!!"

missyj0 12

Wednesday 28 March 2012 12:29

Sounds like you need a hobby..

Comments

jujubunni5 9

Wednesday 28 March 2012 17:24

So did you?

jdcg116 10

Wednesday 28 March 2012 17:38

bow wow wow yippy yo yippy yay my masters an idiot today

loopsy_fml 14

Wednesday 28 March 2012 17:55

Haha! Agreed!

bd1012 18

Wednesday 28 March 2012 18:04

Boredom makes people do strange things.

pastnastificatio 4

Wednesday 28 March 2012 18:37

See if you can guess what I am thinking right now...

RAUN 8

Wednesday 28 March 2012 19:29

How would you ever know whether you were reading your dog's mind correctly?

jaysmack08 2

Wednesday 28 March 2012 20:03

Dude, i want what you were smokin

wittygirl 8

Wednesday 28 March 2012 20:36

And what did you decipher? I'm thinking it was gimme bacon lol

BunBunBabe 8

Wednesday 28 March 2012 20:48

Is this really your dog talking through you? Controlling your mind and making you type?

barbieee420 1

Wednesday 28 March 2012 21:02

U really must have no life to read ur dogs mind

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The Top

Today, I saw two crows in a park using their beaks to kiss each other. A fucking crow gets more action than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 351

Today, I decided to be extra nice to my girlfriend by washing all the dishes and folding all the clothes. She thought I was being "too nice" and hypothesized that I was cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 900

You deserved it 5 686

Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 466

You deserved it 4 120

Today, in science class, I was bored and playing with a paper towel, dipping it into a container of water. When my teacher caught me and asked what I was doing, I panicked and said I was "drying the water." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 863

You deserved it 3 338

Today, I was on top of my boyfriend having sex and I was looking away doing my thing. When I looked back, my boyfriend had headphones on and was playing air drums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 785

You deserved it 17 815

Today, I learned that the "If I can't see you, you can't see me." rule is entirely false. Just because I can't initially see my creepy neighbor, doesn't mean he isn't watching me change my clothes through the blinds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 041

You deserved it 3 888