I get what you're saying (that it was completely disrespectful) but would you really hold yourself to the same standards you are holding OP? If you feel shutting off a game is a reason to break up on the spot, by your standards, should your husband also have divorced you the moment you pulled the plug on his computer? In reality, he gave you the chance to realize you were wrong, and now you guys have a stronger relationship; Because he loves you, and as you said, when you love someone "you find ways to work with them, not against them." Obviously OP's bf was probably less committed to her than your husband is to you, so I don't blame him for breaking up rather than trying to work things out. I'm just wondering why you, someone who admits to having done almost the exact same thing in the past, is being so harsh to OP? It's easy to judge OP for not being considerate, but in truth you were just as inconsiderate as she was once-upon-a-time. The only difference is you were given the chance to have a "wake-up call" and change, whereas she was not. Don't get me wrong. I agree with most of your points: gaming is a real hobby, just like painting, and it was really disrespectful of OP to be dismissive of something her BF values. And since they were not in a very serious relationship, l I don't think the BF is wrong for breaking up. I also think your story is good advice to learn from, and I'm glad the experience made your relationship stronger...however I think your advice would be that much stronger if, instead of being so harsh (calling her a bitch, saying it's best that her bf dumped her, etc), you took the forgiveness and understanding your husband showed you, and paid it forwards to someone else.

#92 The other main difference is, OP doesn't seem like she understands her actions were wrong - instead she posted it on a website to garner sympathy. In contrast, #76 DID come to realise ON HER OWN (after some time...) that she was wrong, and probably came to her husband for forgiveness and a second chance. That, and plus the fact that OP was in a much less committed relationship, makes a big difference in whether OP ought to be forgiven. In any event, even if OP is forgiven by her bf, the only way they can reconcile is if she actually learns from this mistake like #76 did. If she still thinks what she did was right, she deserves to be dumped.

My point wasn't really that she deserved a second chance...I think I specifically said the bf (in this situation) wasn't wrong for dumping her. I just find calling her a bitch, making her out to be basically scum, and telling people to **** off...is pretty harsh of #76, especially since she once was in their place. #76 doesn't say she figured out her mistake the very same second. She herself says it took her time, and she AND her husband had to step back and learn how to communicate better. OP has not been given this time, and we have no idea whether she will eventually learn from this experience. So if we apply the same standard to her own situation (that if you don't immediately realize your mistake, you're a bitch who deserves to be dumped), it seems she'd have deserved for her husband to (instead of using the experience to learn from) divorce her on the spot. Obviously I agree with you the husband was more committed than the bf which explains why he'd give a second chance. My point was more that #76 has set an extremely harsh standard for OP: to insult her for her decision, without even giving her any time to realize her mistake. #76 seemed to be trying to say that OP's actions are wrong and that there are better ways to communicate (both of which I agree with). However rather than remembering her own situation and using sympathy and understanding (that it takes time and patience to change a way of thinking) to try and get OP on the right path, she came with a more judgemental and harsh tone. So my biggest point was just that if she was trying to get her message across to OP (who knows, maybe it was just an angry rant and she doesn't actually want anything to change), I honestly think her message would be stronger, and OP would be more open to listen to it, if she used some of the patience she herself was once shown.

#182, who's to say #76 doesn't turn this back on herself? A harsh criticism like that implies that #76 feels deeply guilty about her own actions and thinks she WAS being a 'bitch' and maybe she also thinks she deserved to be divorced, and got incredibly lucky to have been married to a man so forgiving. There are things that I've done in past relationships where, looking back, I would have deserved being dumped for that. There are things my husband has done prior to our marriage that he thinks he can never make up for, and can't understand why I forgave him. For all you know, #76 is not being a hypocrite at all - if she had the chance to go back and talk to he, rself right after she pulled her husband's computer plug, she'd also tell herself she was a bitch who deserved a ruined marriage. Because at that point in time, just like with the OP of this FML right now, both women think that what they did was reasonable - and no, it isn't. In any event, I don't really see where #76 was so harsh. Everything she said was true, even you admit it. Sometimes the truth is brutally harsh, and contrary to what you're saying, it's better to hear a serving of harsh truth from someone who's been there.

Hmm...my angle was less about being hypocritical, and more about using her situation to be understanding rather than judgmental (though, as you said, unless she also feels she was once a bitch who deserved to be dumped, I guess it would be hypocritical). Depending on the way you say things, true or not, if you say them in a way that seems rude, impatient, lacking sympathy, etc...people are less likely to listen. As someone who enjoys games, it's easy for me to see why shutting it off is such a big deal. But to my friend who doesn't play them, I can understand how she might not realize the importance (needing save points, lost progress, team relying on you, etc...) of letting someone know before you shut it. Do you think she'd be more willing to listen to my explanation of games if I started the conversation by telling her to **** off, or if I simply (but directly) explained to her why games are important to me? Sometimes harsh truth is helpful, but I think when it comes from a complete stranger who does not know your whole situation (rather than a friend or an observer) it's not the case. This is like a friend harshly telling you "you're fat, it's bad for your health: if you don't change you could get heart disease. I've been in your spot before, I know it can be done and can help you, but honestly we both know laziness is your biggest obstacle" versus a complete stranger coming up to you and saying "hey you lazy fattie, you're a stupid bitch who needs to get off her ass and go to a ******* gym. I've been in the same spot as you, but I lost weight, so I know it can be done. If you have a heart attack one day, it's your own damn fault." Both essentially mean the same thing, but one seems to want to help the other change, and the other doesn't. You can be factual and direct, without having to be rude. Which is really my biggest point. I can understand others not caring for OP to change. But as someone who'd been in the same situation (and may have felt she too once deserved to be dumped) I kind of figured she was actually trying to give OP a piece of advice, but her frustration at comments and guilt at her past childish behavior caused her to lose patience. So my point was that (if) she's trying to give advice (especially to strangers), you're more likely to be successful if you're direct, truthful, and tactful, rather than just rude, judgmental and impatient (even if she deserves it).

Ok, admittedly my second example's a bit of an exaggeration. But imagine if #76 husband's reaction was to turn around and tell her "**** off you stupid childish bitch. I know I've done this in the past, but eventually I was able to learn from it. A bitch like you who doesn't even know how to communicate properly like I do now...you deserve to have me divorce you this instant!" Doesn't matter if it's true, it isn't really a proper way to communicate when your aim is to help someone change. When insults and anger are mixed in with advice, someone is more likely to go on the defensive and react in anger and less likely to listen, especially if that's the only thing said to them and they were also unlucky enough to not get a second chance.

Agreed.