Intimacy: MY EYES - FML

MY EYES

By bleach bleach bleach - 22/12/2013 17:22 - United States - Las Vegas

Spicy

Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 912

You deserved it 7 766

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/08/2012 09:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 754

You deserved it 6 604

By nooneatall - 15/01/2010 03:16 - France

Spicy

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 975

You deserved it 20 263

By -.- - 13/04/2014 22:16 - United Kingdom - Epsom

Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 327

You deserved it 5 223

What's going on?

By Damn - 26/06/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out my dad goes to therapy. Confused, I asked him what was going on. He said, "You" without any hesitation. I don't know if he's joking or not. If he is, I don't find that very funny. If he's not, I don't even know what I've done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 177

Danger zone

By didntevenknow - 13/08/2012 15:06 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 582

You deserved it 38 184

Nearly there

By sally - 25/01/2014 17:42 - United States - Augusta

Spicy

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 846

You deserved it 9 500

Niiiiiice!

By cameltoeyourface - 26/07/2010 00:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 025

You deserved it 10 431

Burn the witch!

By fanaticalfuckspawn - 25/08/2014 20:14 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 196

You deserved it 3 172

By kaitylait - 19/08/2011 00:59 - Canada

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 551

You deserved it 11 130

By LondonKitsch - 26/06/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 853

You deserved it 29 780

Next

Top comments

animalxcrackers 20

Monday 23 December 2013 2:20

well, it's called self-meditation for a reason, i guess.

DocBastard 38

Monday 23 December 2013 2:38

For all you women out there, EVERY guy has tried this at least once. And any guy who denies trying it is lying his ass off.

Comments

Tannasgh 22

Saturday 28 December 2013 7:16

Ewww

JoBHarvelle 7

Saturday 28 December 2013 13:56

I bet that was an awkward conversation to have

Anthony52_fml 9

Tuesday 31 December 2013 0:40

I do yoga myself......now I think I may want to stop!

Fuzy2K 7

Tuesday 31 December 2013 13:33

It's the Ron Jeremy workout!

xadoringx 29

Thursday 16 January 2014 21:54

Oh my :/

EasyE1 4

Monday 10 February 2014 23:12

Lmaoooo! Thats disgusting.

Beanu 20

Wednesday 23 April 2014 7:10

That's terrible.

Bullet75 8

Wednesday 30 July 2014 22:58

The ribs don't stop it guys, I've seen it *oh god why*

TheRealCT 5

Thursday 2 October 2014 8:04

the bad thing for me is, I could do that naturally

li20011k 6

Saturday 12 September 2015 5:17

Did he do it?

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Today, my wife took me to Taco Bell for the first time. I said, "Isn't this where all those FMLs happen to people?" She said, "You'll be fine." I am writing this from the toilet. I am not fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 863

You deserved it 449

Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 739

You deserved it 2 223

Today, I got out of the wrong side of the bed. Into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 021

You deserved it 28 942

Today, I'm really puzzled about explaining what he saw to our 6-year old. So, he walked in on us mid-sex, which itself would be barely acceptable if there were only the two of us, his married parents, but actually a dead drunk threesome between my husband, his best male friend, and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 559

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 013

You deserved it 2 127

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 2 259